We're starting a new year on Passions, and I have to admit that my first column of 2004 is going to be one with a negative slant.

The topic for this column is:

Passions' Teen Population: Not only a Passion-less subject, but the worst group of teens in daytime.

There are many things that can confuse a viewer while watching Passions. One consistent point of confusion for me has been this:

The Powers That Be for Passions - NBC - have made no apologies as to the fact that their target demographic is 12- 17 year old girls. Now, seeing as they have been upfront and honest about this, will someone tell me how the TEEN part of Passions is not only the weakest part of the show, but is the weakest teen part of any show in daytime?

I've watched soaps for over 25 years. I started watching before I was a teen, so I'm familiar with many a teen storyline over the years: AMC had Greg, Jenny, Liza, Tad, Jesse and Angie; GH had Robin, Stone, a young teen Laura Webber, ATWT had Lily, Holden, Dusty, GL had Morgan, Nola, et al. I'm not against teen storylines. I understand that you need young characters in order to grow them and mature.

What I don't understand is Passions.

It's been four and half years, folks. Four and a half years of this wretchedly pathetic group being together with absolutely NO story, and no remotely cohesive 'teen scene' of any depth or dimension.

NEVER have I seen a show stick with, as the centerpiece of any section of a soap, with a couple with:
i) absolutely NO chemistry
ii) absolutely NO organic storyline

But, this is what Passions has done. They put, as the centerpiece of the teen portion of the show:

CHARITY AND MIGUEL

A couple with the chemistry of growing mold, who fell in love 1.1 seconds AFTER they met the first couple of weeks of the show.

THEY HAVE NO STORY.

NONE.

You have Kay Bennett take a second look at the milkman, and Charity/Miguel have NO story. Tabitha Lennox knows where ALL the bodies are buried in Harmony, and she's chained to these two teen non-characters in order to give them story.

Something is SO wrong here.

I resent...outright resent the chaining of Kay and Tabitha - two far superior characters on their WORST day  - to the likes of Charity and Miguel.

I have nothing against Molly or Jesse - but they don't have ANY CHEMISTRY  together. Not an ounce of romantic chemistry that I've ever seen. Miguel is the most ASEXUAL male teen lead that I've seen on any soap. And Charity? Good girl heroines need not be devoid of personality. I'm not against the heroines on soaps..the good girls...I usually root for them. I know I'm rooting like crazy for Georgie on GH, or Marina on GL, and crazy Alison on ATWT. I hate Belle on DOOL, but at least she provokes emotion. Charity is a big BLAH, who doesn't remotely become interesting unless there's an 'Evil' or 'Zombie' in front of Charity. Charity, as is, has been an incredible waste of screentime since the beginning of the show, because she hasn't learned anything, or tried to take control of her life, instead involved in this Suicide Pact Romance with Miguel.

At the very LEAST of a 'rootable' coupling, there MUST be chemistry. Chemistry is what will pull you through when the writing doesn't live up to potential.

I watched this week, because I wanted SOMETHING. ANYTHING to happen that couldn't be taken back.

But, alas, Charity is still a virgin, so WHAT WAS THE POINT?

The ONLY thing I've watched with the teens that was remotely 'normal' was Reese about to get his 'freak on' with Charity, as he was NOT under Endorra's spell.

In almost FIVE YEARS....THIS is the most interesting thing that has happened?

Can you say PATHETIC?

I don't know who dug Danica Stewart's audition tape up and thought she was a competent replacement for Jade Harlow. She was so pathetic on GH that they de-SORASed a character to get the original actress back. She is SO not Jessica, so I didn't care if her feelings were hurt.

I also didn't care about the 'relationship' between Reese and Jessica. Where's the rootability in a relationship that developed 95% OFF-CAMERA. Why would we care if Reese fell for anyone else and threw Jessica over?

John Hastings has the personality of a grapefruit. Does the boy have any flaws? A darkside?

Simone Russell - instead of sticking her in a total NON-TRIANGLE for almost TWO YEARS, where she had no point or purpose.....how about developing her? She's an also-ran. Simone's self-esteem is so low that she would easily be ripe pickings for the WRONG kind of boy. A boy who could sweet talk her, draw her in, and then lead her down any number of wrong paths. These are the teen years...a character like Simone is SUPPOSED to be doing the rebelling.

I know....I know.....SIP...aren't you talking about social kinds of stories, like Simone and drugs, booze, wild sex...abuse....you know that Passions isn't a social kind of soap. Oh no? Then why have they picked up awards for birth control discussions? Drugs, Booze, Wild Sex, Physical abuse aren't 'social issues' - they are reality for the teen population that Passions SAYS is its target demographic. This past year, Y&R did an excellent story about Internet Chat Rooms, and the sexual predators that roam them, looking for prey. Slowly, they wove the story of how a 15 year old girl, alienated from her parents, fell into the trap of a lowlife, and the price that she paid for doing so.

Look at this group of teens. You've got Kay - the demon, and the rest are all bland nothings. They don't do anything wild. Anything experimental. They don't drink, do drugs, have sex, or even the usual revolving door of relationships that teen groups from 90210 to Dawson's to The OC specialize in. They not only aren't normal teens, they aren't ENTERTAINING teens, which is even more criminal in my book.

If the blurb came in the soap rags that they had already been let go of Passions and had taped their last screendates, who among us would say that they'd miss any of them, or more importantly, that some BIG plotline is now messed up because of them?

You can't....and for them to have that kind of IRRELEVANCE to the Passions Canvas, shows what a FAILURE they are. And, I find that inexcusable. They aren the worst group of teens I've ever seen in daytime.

Oh, SIP, isn't that an exaggeration?

No. I don't think so. I've seen hideous groups of teens that made me cringe. But, what makes the Passions group THE WORST is that, they have been allowed to be hideously written and acted for such a LONG period of time. I don't know of an example where such patheticness has been allowed to continue on this hamsterwheel of substandard soap material for YEARS. If you, as readers, know of such an example, please tell me.

These teens are simply NOT NORMAL. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

When they burst into the room with Charity and Reese, I heard Jessica spout that mantra to Reese -" I thought you were waiting until marriage" ...  I was like WTF?

Who writes this stuff? Reese is MAYBE a sophomore in college. He has college, more than likely graduate school. WHEN he is getting married? Tomorrow it seems, cause he seemed AWFULLY ready to do  ' The Wild Thing' with Charity.

But, let's say, for the sake of argument,  Reese and Jessica 'decided' to wait for marriage. Of course, I never SAW on my TV SCREEN, a relationship that I remotely thought was going to wind up at the altar, but I digress. Let's accept that they're going to wait. WHERE IS THE STRUGGLE WITH TEEN HORMONES.

I will once again bring in Belle along with Shawn-D, from DOOL. Belle has them wearing those stupid rings, but Shawn's having a hard time with it. He's a red-blooded American college male..all that testosterone. Yeah, he loves Belle, but dang it, he wants 'some' too! And, hate them though I do...I SEEEEEE them struggling with that fact.

Where's the struggle on Passions? Of course, you'd actually have to have CHEMISTRY convince of a struggle. Chemistry, which is lacking all over the place.

Charity and Miguel DO NOT make any kind of sense as the CENTERPIECE of the teen scene.

No way.
No how.

A poster from another MB writes that she hates Charguel because they're always together. She wonders what the heck could remotely be so 'special' about them, that, as a couple, they are still together. I'm with her on this.

I wanna know...since Shuis is going on TWO AND A HALF YEARS of true separation....Gram has been apart for, what.....at least a year and a half..
Ethan/Theresa, though I hate them, haven't honestly been together since Ivy crashed the wedding in JULY 2001....

WTF does Charguel gets to be a couple? And a relatively happy one.

The conspiracy theorist in me is because TPTB KNOW that Charguel has the chemistry of FUNGUS, and if they ever REALLY separated, nobody would give a rat's ass about them reconciling. I'm cheering a freakin' baby for pete's sake - THAT'S how desperate as a viewer I am.

That CHARGUEL is the centerpiece of the TEEN part of this show is ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC AND RIDICULOUS.

They have NO chemistry.
They have NO story.

After FOUR + YEARS, you'd think SOMEONE would sit down and ask - WHERE IS THIS ALL GOING?

How can it go anywhere, if it's been NOWHERE?

The characterizations for these teens has been absolutely abysmal. Their relationships with not only their families, but also with one another are sorely lacking depth and intimacy. And, as a GROUP - they SUCK.

Take each 'Section' of Passions. As a group, you can see the ups, downs, and true entanglements with one another  - The Adults, The Gwen/Ethan/Theresa/Fox/Whitney/Chad mess, even Shuis/ Stump/Casa Wallace. This simply isn't the case for the teens. If Kay decided tomorrow that she wanted the UPS Man, what else would there be in the teen scene? NOTHING.

IF you need to re-cast until you get a group of actors WITH acting ability and chemistry, then do so. You cannot have a good quarter of the show being mired in this dreck. It brings down the entire show.

The teens of Passions contribute to many Passion-less feelings about the show. Either do something with them, or get rid of them. Sadly, at this point, they wouldn't be missed.