Collision Course, Chapter Three
 

Ethan is wandering into the living room, when Julian comes down the stairs and sees him.

" Ah, Ethan, my boy. I was looking for you."

Ethan doesn’t respond, so Julian calls him again. " Ethan? Ethan?"

" Ah, yes, Father."

" You look like you’re in a daze , Son. Something happen?"

Only the bottom dropped out of my world, Ethan thought. " No. I was just thinking about things."

" What things?"

" Well, about you…and Mother."

" What about us?"

" Well, you and she are married, and have been for a long time. Wasn’t there anytime that you ‘loved’ Mother?"

" ‘Love’. Not that again. Ethan, I’m tired of being harangued about ‘love’. Your mother never gave our marriage a chance. She froze me out. She’s punished me for how we got married. Look, you don’t want to hear this, cause you never want to hear anything negative about your marriage, so let’s skip it."

Ethan led Julian to the couch. " No, Father, I don’t want to skip it. Tell me."

" Ethan, I feel like I’m walking into a trap. Your mother can do no wrong in your eyes. Why even tell ‘my’ side, when I’m going to get it shoved in my face. No thank you, Son."

" Father, please…man to man. You can tell me."

" Ok. You want the truth, here’s the truth. Yes, we married under ‘unusual’ circumstances. But, I thought she was going to give it a chance. After all, it wasn’t like her father woke up one day, and gave her the gown, and said, ‘Marry Julian Crane’. We had spent nearly the entire summer getting to know one another. And, I thought it went well. I could have sworn that it did.

We got married, and, she looked, well, maybe not thrilled, but, she didn’t look miserable either. I’ve lived with phony smiles my entire life. I know the signals, and, I HONESTLY didn’t get any of them from her that day.

I thought we were going to do our best, and give it a shot.

Then, she disappeared."

" On your wedding night?"

" Yes. On our wedding night. She came back the next day, but, everything had changed. She would barely talk to me. None of the rapprochement that had existed before was there. Nothing. Nothing but hostility. Can you imagine going on a honeymoon, to the most supposedly romantic places in the world, and try EVERYTHING, only to be told, night after night, that you weren’t welcome in your wife’s bed?

What’s the phrase? ‘ It sucks.’.

Well, we return home, from our honeymoon, and still, we have separate bedrooms.  Then, one night, I came home, and there was a romantic dinner in my bedroom. And, your mother was there. I thought I had stepped into the Twilight Zone, but, she was making an effort, and, I was going to also.

We had a wonderful dinner, and then we danced. And, then, she kissed me. I thought it was what she wanted. She joined me in my bed. And, things were going well, for about a couple of months, and then, she announced at breakfast that she was pregnant with you. I can remember being so happy."

" You were?"

Julian smiled at Ethan. " Of course, I was. Father got off my back, and Ivy, well, she looked so radiant. She beamed. She was happy. People talk about their wives being crabby and moody during pregnancy…not with you. She was with your sisters, but, not with you. She smiled everyday of her pregnancy with you. And, though I was scared, I had to be happy too."

" You were scared?"

" Yes, Ethan. The prospect of becoming a parent is overwhelming. I’m a ‘me’ kind of guy, and here was coming responsibility. And, someone who needed me. But, Ivy’s calmness reassured me. But, even then, she was retreating from me."

" How?"

" I hear that people share a pregnancy. That they go through it together. Ivy never did that with me. I’m not touchy-feely, but, I would have gone to the doctor with her. She never told me. It was as if this was ‘HER’ baby, and I was incidental."

Ethan looked down at the floor.

" So, I went through the pregnancy alone. Ivy had Pilar to talk to, and I tried reading books. Then…well, nevermind."

" No, what is it, Father?"

" I was at an antique shop, and I was getting something for your grandfather, when I saw that they had old, leather-bound journals. I bought one, and even tried my hand at writing about you in the journal. Nothing literary, just what I was going through. "

" Do you still have it?"

" I suppose."

" I’d love to read it."

" I don’t know why, Ethan. It’s just my ramblings."

" Still."

" Ok. I’ll look and see if I can find it."

" Thanks."

" So, we’re going on and on throughout the pregnancy, and I left town, thinking that I would have enough time, but, you were premature. You were born while I was in London on a business trip. I hope you know that I would have never left town if I had known. I’ve been in town for the birth of your sisters."

" I know, Father."

" Well, by the time I came home, you mother had everything setup. You were in the nursery next to her room, and she lorded over you. I sometimes felt that I had to make an appointment to see you. My exclusion from your life by your mother was from the beginning."

Julian looked up at Ethan, and Ethan could see a genuine sadness is his eyes.

" But, then, I hung in there, and told your mother that I wasn’t going to stand for it. And, we spent more time together.", Julian smiles as he says this.

" Yet, your mother wanted nothing to do with me. First it was her medical health, but, that only could last for so long, and then she admitted it. She didn’t want anything to do with me. You were the only male she wanted in her life.

I kidded myself that I could convince her, if I were to be a ‘better’ husband. So, I tried. For about 2 years, I tried everything. With no results.

Then, I guess, I gave up. And, sought comfort elsewhere. I know you don’t approve, Ethan. But, it happens.

It was over seven years before your mother let me into her bed again, and the result was Samantha.  Her pregnancy with Samantha was vastly different than when she was pregnant with you. And, the cycle repeated with your sisters. Ivy was miserable, moody, ill-tempered and sullen. It was like she BLAMED me for getting her pregnant. It was such a change from when she was carrying you, I didn’t know what to do. I spent more time on business trips during her pregnancies, but, I always made sure to be there when the baby was born. "

Ethan nodded sadly. He looked at Julian, and it seemed like it was for the first time, in all honesty. Ethan knew that Julian was right- he had never wanted to hear anything bad against his mother. But, Alistair’s conversation and this one with Julian, had definitely put his mother in a new light. He had known Julian long enough to know when Julian was trying to ‘get his way’, and when Julian was being honest. Ethan knew that what Julian had told him was ‘honesty’ from Julian’s point of view. It was a revelation. Gone was a lot of the hostility and bitterness that can usually accompany conversations between him and Ivy. Julian was just telling Ethan ‘like it is’ from his perspective.

Something crossed Ethan’s mind. " Father, who named us?"

" You and your siblings? Well, your mother named you, of course. It was a done deal by the time I came from London. She wasn’t interested in naming Samantha, until I suggested the name. "

Ethan winced at that last statement.

" Then, with Melanie and Penelope, we both decided. Why?"

" I was just curious."

" Well, enough of my problems with your mother, I was looking for you, for a reason."

" Why?"

" Because, I wanted you to go somewhere with me."

" Where?"

" The Hotchkiss Estate."

" Father…"

" Ethan, Johnathan Hotchkiss died this afternoon of a heart attack."

" What?"

" And, I thought, you COULD pay your condolences to the family. For pete’s sake, Ethan, you were part of Gwen’s life for ten years. Doesn’t she warrant a condolence call? Unlike the two of us, I know that Gwen was very close to her father. As close to him, as you are to your mother."

" I….I know, Father. Of course I’ll go with you."

Julian wanted to smile, but, didn’t. It might not be a proposal, but, it was something. They left to go pay their condolences.