~Fallen Ch.18 ~
by Namjr
 
 

~Fallen Ch.18 ~
~~~

“How are we this morning?”

Kay looked up and glared at her doctor, before rolling her eyes. “WE wish that people would stop speaking to US in such a condescending tone.” The statement was true, she couldn’t understand what annoyed her more, when some one asked how she was, or when they carried on conversations like she wasn’t in the room.

“So we’re good.” Jody gave a wide smile, while she pulled out the chair and sat down. “You know Kay I was thinking….

“Should I alert someone?”

“Funny, not in a ha ha way, but a does she fully understand that I’m in control of her future, be it or a here or a much smaller dungeon like room for the next five days, or the 6 more weeks way.”

“That sounds like a threat?”

“Please, like you’re sane enough to decipher speech patterns. “ Jody removed her clip board, and looked over the papers, before meting her patient’s eye. “We kind of have a problem, a small minuscule problem surrounding your therapy sessions.”

“What problem?”

“Uh… Dr. Jacobs, have a nervous breakdown, and thus can’t continue your treatment.”

“You’re kidding right?” Kay straightened, and golly the woman a look of disbelief.” Tell me that person responsible for my sanity didn’t go nuts.”

“He didn’t go nuts; he had some issues that surfaced.”

Kay watched her carefully, noting how the doctor words slowed, and a small smile appeared on her face. She wanted to question the gesture. But her mind was clouded by her own problems. After her second suicide attempt, her counseling sessions were increased and made mandatory, and although she didn’t really thin that working with Jacobs had been helping, it keep her from being locked away in a rubber room. “So what does this mean?”

“Calm down.” Jody said watching the pulse monitor with concern. “All it means is that you can’t continue therapy with Dr. Jacobs, there are other qualified doctors in the hospital.” She held up a piece of paper, and gave a bright smile.” I brought a list for you to choose form, come on its like shopping.”

Thirty minutes later, Jody conceded, it was like shopping. Except it was like shopping with her mother, and everything was too something, or not enough something else, and most of the reasons sounded made up. “Okay wait, what is wrong with Dr. Pollack?”

“I know his daughter, and I hate Cindy Pollack.”

“You can’t base your decision on some childish vendetta for some girl that didn’t return your Barbie, this is about your mental health, and I’m not exaggerating, when I say it’s endangering of being extinct.”

“ You’re right this is about my mental health, so I don’t think it’ll help if I’m censoring myself for fear he’s talking to her, or if I just feel uncomfortable talking to someone who can find out things about me from a third source.” ‘Not to mention Dr. Pollack and my mother became friends during PTA, always looked at me like I was a criminal’. “Who’s next?”

“There is no next, the list consisted of fifteen doctors and you vetoed them all.” She said shaking her head, she knew somehow deep inside, that it was a mistake to let Kay choose; she should have just picked a doctor to replace Jacobs, but noooo… She had to be concerned about how the young girl would handle the change, and how nice Kay would feel if she was more involved in her treatment, served her right. “I guess we could bring in someone from Castleton, but…..”

“What about you?” Kay asked breaking the doctor’s train of speech.” Are you qualified, I mean you are a doctor, and didn’t I hear that you’re some kind of genius, that has yet to determine a field of practice.” The doctor’s blue eyes got wide, and Kay made a mental not to thank Nurse Granger for filling her in the hospital gossip.” And really when you think about it, it only makes sense that you be my therapist after all, you’re my primary physician; you’ll be like my own little HMO.”
 

Jody watched Kay prattle on, about what a wonderful idea it was, while she began balling up the names of psychiatrics, before she stopped. ‘Might as well keep it, may need for myself in a little while.’
 



 

The house was too quiet, ever since that day it had been too quiet. She didn’t have to say what the day was; it was burned into her mind. Lots of things were, the blood, the tears on Sam’s face when he told her, stains on Antonio’s pants, it was all there.

Grace paused outside bathroom door, glad that all the children had left. Sam had taken off as soon as the sun had set, she was sure it was so he could go to the hospital and wait for the visiting hours to start, that’s all he did since Kay had given him the okay. She checked her watch, it was 9:15 right now, which meant Jessica was in school, Charity and John had classes, so the house would be empty til at least 3:00 Charity had taken up the habit of staying by the hospital just in case Kay needed her.

She checked her reflection in the mirror, and blinked back tears, it seemed as thought she had aged it quickly in such a short time, she didn’t ever remember feeling this old, and tired. “Maybe its guilt, Grace?” Yeah that’s what it was. Sam would be proud, she thought quietly after all he had spent a good three hours ‘discussing’ the situation with Kay and the other children.

“She’s your daughter Grace, yours and mine, a part of us, and the least we own her is unconditional love.”

Easy for him to say. Sam had never been anything but a hero and great dad in Kay’s eyes. Nothing he had ever done, not scandal with Ivy or anything else had ever diminished him his standing in her life. She was daddy’s little girl and the bond they had with each other was unbreakable. She on the other hand was just Mom, and in Kay’s eyes Mom was the bad guy, the disciplinary. Things she did only seemed to lower Kay’s opinion of her.

She wished she could pin point it, that moment, that second when Kay and herself just stopped believing in each other. If she was honest it was probably that first time that Kay had shown true independence, although that was hard to define. It seemed like the second she was born she was already doing things on her own.

Only a year younger then Noah, but she had been so much smarter then her big brother, she was the one that figured out how to break through the playpen, lead the firs of many cookie heist, and learned to walk and talk the quickest of nay of the children, and yet every move had some how been a step further away from her mother.

“So I overcompensated.” Grace admitted grudgingly. “Noah and Jessica were easier.” And they had been Jessica and Noah, had been fine testing their boundaries, but always staying close to home, until Noah had left for school, and then Charity had come along.

Charity had been everything Kay wasn’t needy, dependent, and craving a mother’s love, which was also true of John, but what no one ever saw was the longing. Every time, she looked at Charity or John, they was that piece of her heart asking why couldn’t it be Kay, that wanted her advice or just needed to be loved.

But she had missed it, she had been so sure that Kay was fine on her own that she had never questioned it. None of it, not the obsession with Miguel, or the constant lying, she had just focused on the fact that once again Kay was moving further away from her. She had almost cost her daughter her life, and now Sam thought she didn’t care, but he was wrong.

Why else, would she go around as if nothing happened, trying to block it from her mind. She didn’t even use her bathroom anymore, because no matter how much John and Jessica cleaned, she could still see it. Kay laying there pale and unmoving in a puddle of her own blood. If she thought about it enough she could hear her heartbeat slow, and her breath become shallow. She could feel her daughter die for a little while, and that’s what keeps her away.

Since the night Kay tried to kill herself, Grace seemed to be more in tune with her daughter then she ever thought possible. She could feel the hatred, her daughter had for her, the sadness, the brief stints of happiness, and most of all she could feel the grief over her daughter’s lost child. She didn’t know much about her daughter, but right now no matter what Sam said , she recognized that what Kay needed from her the most right now was space, and she would give it to her, for right now.

Soon enough it would be time, for Kay and herself to meet and talk, mother to daughter, and daughter to mother.
 
 
 
 

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