New Beginnings, Chapter 16
 

Chad turned over in the bed. For a moment after he woke up, he had forgotten about the events of last night. But, then, he saw the figure in bed next to him.

" Theresa", he said out loud, to no one in particular.

Theresa opened her eyes, which were full of sympathy for Chad.
" Hi Chad."

Chad immediately turned away from Theresa and sat on the side of the bed.

" I don’t know what to say to you. I’m so ashamed."

While Chad had gathered the blanket around him, Theresa had the sheet. She moved up behind Chad, and touched his back.

" Chad, you have nothing to be ashamed of at all."

" But, last night.."

" Was beautiful. Chad….nothing happened that I didn’t want to happen. I….I’ve been having feelings for you for sometime now. I just didn’t know how to express it."

" You didn’t? You have?", Chad said in a confused voice.

" Yes…haven’t you been feeling it too?"

Chad couldn’t think about it really. He had needed someone, and Theresa was there. Logically, that is what he told himself. Yet, he knew…that it HAD to be Theresa with him, and that scared him too.

As if she could read his mind, " Chad, whatever happened between us last night, we’ll take under the header ‘ special circumstances’. We both need time to think about things, now that I’ve been honest with you about my feelings. But, I know that it should and does take a backseat to what happened here last night. And, I don’t mean with me."

" Julian."

" Yes, Julian. He’s your father, Chad."

" Why didn’t YOU tell me, Resa?"

Theresa is now on the edge of the bed with Chad. She turns his head, so that they are face to face.

" Because, I was scared, Chad. I heard the old man’s confession, and though he was dying, you could hear the FEAR in his voice. Fear for you. I couldn’t risk it, Chad. I couldn’t lose you too. I couldn’t risk that Julian Crane would want to hurt you. That family is ruthless.", Theresa said with bitterness.

Chad nods, " I get it."

Chad sat there for a few moments, until Theresa got up and went over to Chad’s desk. " Julian left this for you."

" Burn it for all I care."

" Chad, you can’t say that."

" Why the hell not, Theresa?"

" Because, whatever Julian Crane is, he is your FATHER. And, he came to tell you the truth. He didn’t have to do that."

" So, he deserves a medal? I don’t think so."

" No. He deserves to have this envelope read."

Chad is quiet, and then he gets his pants and puts them on. " I’m hungry. What about you?"

Before Theresa could respond, Chad was out the door and down the stairs to the Russell kitchen. Theresa quickly put on a t-shirt of Chad’s and his robe, and made sure to bring the envelope with her, which she deposited at the end of the counter when she entered the kitchen.

" Arrozypollo?", Chad said, pulling the dish out of the refridgerator.

" I had to have some sort of excuse to be here. I….I had overheard Sheridan call Julian to tell him that you were free last night. I sort of figured he was going to tell you."

" Oh."

" Why don’t I heat that up, and fix a little breakfast food to go along with it?"

" I’ll get the juice and coffee.", Chad said.

He and Theresa worked together, around the kitchen, and fixed a nice breakfast of fruit, yogurt/granola, with a main course of arrozypollo. They ate it in silence, and once finished, they did the dishes and cleaned the Russell kitchen to where it was spotless.

They sat in the kitchen, but, the envelope was like a 700 pound gorilla in the room with him. Finally, Theresa spoke up:

" Chad, you’ve been looking at that envelope, pretending that it doesn’t exist. Why don’t you open it?", Theresa says.

" I’m scared to know what’s in here."

" You’ll never know until you open it."

Chad nodded and opened the manila envelope. He pulled out a folder. He looked at the documents for a few moments and then began to speak.

" This one looks like a DNA test. There are a couple of them from different labs. This thing is a  legal document. Looks like he’s saying in writing, that he’s my fa…..well, you know. Some more legal papers, saying the same thing. And then there’s this.", Chad holds an envelope addressed to him in his hand.

" Do you want me to leave while you read it?", Theresa asks.

Chad shakes his head. " No. I need someone here. I want you here."

" I’m not going anywhere. "

Chad slowly opens the envelope and takes out a letter. He begins reading out loud:

" Dear Chad,

I want to call you ‘Son’, but, don’t think that I have any right to do that yet. I’ll have to earn that right, and I know it.

But, you are my son. My firstborn child, and that makes you very special.

I don’t know how our first meeting went. I don’t know if you even let me explain things to you. On the chance that things went poorly,there were things that you must know with regards to me and your mother.

First of all, though I want to have a relationship with you, I will understand if you want nothing to do with me. And, if you never speak to me again, know that I know I deserve it.

But, whatever you feel for me, you MUST have  a relationship with your mother. She needs you in her life, in some capacity, and you mustn’t have any harsh feelings towards her.

Your mother loves you, Chad. She is the one person in your life that has loved you from conception. When I asked her to get an abortion, she told me to go to Hell. When her parents asked her to give you up for adoption, and all would be forgiven between them, she told them goodbye, and from my knowledge, has never spoken a word to them since that day.

Your mother was a bright, beautiful, smart woman, full of life and love. Yet, there was an innocence about her that drew me to her from the moment I saw her. I saw her and wanted her and pursued her, not knowing what that would mean to my life. I admit that I saw her as momentary pleasure; a plaything for my amusement. But, soon, I was in over my head, as she opened my heart to depths that I didn’t know existed. Before her, I had never doubted my path. I was the Heir to the Crane Empire, how could love get in the way?

And, I did love her. In fact, she’s the only woman I’ve ever loved. But, I was a coward. Unlike Frost’s suggestion, I did not take the road less traveled. I did what was predictable. When confronted with the difficulties that my relationship would mean to my life, I ran. Like a coward. A gutless coward.

When your mother needed me the most, I high-tailed it and ran. I left her alone. She was alone, desperate, and I abandoned her. I have earned my reputation as a ruthless and cutthroat businessman. But, I can count on one hand, the number of things that I’ve done that truly haunt me and fill me with regret. Abandoning your mother has been on the top of the list and caused many an alcohol-filled induced sleep.

I am telling you all of this because I am accepting responsibility for what happened to you. If I had been any kind of a man, I would have known what happened to you. My cowardice I used as a shield, to blind me to the truth about what was going to happen to you. Others will blame my father for what happened to you, but, that is wrong. If I had thought at all about anyone but myself, living in fear and cowardice, your life and your mother’s life would have been vastly different.

You might wonder, if I declare that your mother loved you with such depth, how it came to be that you grew up the way that you did. It is because of circumstances beyond your mother’s control.

You didn’t grow up with your mother, not because she abandoned you, but, because, to this very day, she believes that you are dead."

Chad looks up at Theresa for the first time, with shock in his eyes.

" Yes, she believes that you are dead. She has no idea of your existence, and the pain of your ‘death’, haunts her still. The pain of your death culminated the worst period of her life, and I am to blame for all of it.

She has, in theory, pulled her life together. Anyone looking at her from the outside, would believe that she has a fulfilling and rewarding life. Only those who knew her before, can see the aura of the haunted soul that she has become. That a large part of her vivacious spirit was killed the day the doctor’s told her that you had died.

You were a Christmas Baby, born early that morning. You were small, because you were about a month premature. Your mother held you in her arms, fed you, and then, they told her that she had to rest. She agreed, and thought that she would see you again in a few hours. It was the last time that she ever saw you.

The doctors came back and told her that you had died. Maybe you think she should have pushed harder. Asked more questions. Maybe, under normal circumstances, she would have. But, think of the circumstances: she was a teenager, she was alone in the world, she had her heart broken when I abandoned her, and the only thing she had in life that she had focused her future on, was doing her best to raise you. When that was gone, who could have been in their right mind under those circumstances.

Of course, it worked into Alistair’s plan perfectly. He knew how vulnerable she was. How devastated. She wouldn’t  think clearly. Alistair thought he had planned it perfectly.

But, he hadn’t. It pains me to tell you that Alistair’s plan wasn’t that you would grow up without your mother; it was that you wouldn’t grow up, period. He had hired someone to kill you. But, alas, this criminal wasn’t totally without a heart, and couldn’t find the strength to kill an infant on Christmas. So, he switched ID bracelets with an infant who had been abandoned, and just happened to die before he got to the Nursery.

It may have been Alistair’s plan, but, it only succeeded because of my cowardice. I knew my father. It was my own willing blindness to not admit what he could do. And, because of it, I hurt the two people that I loved most in the world: your mother, and you.

Your mother survived the devastation of your death, but, of course, there was a price to pay. The price was the death of the passionate spirit she once was.. She found a way to move through the pain, though it took time. She came back to the land of the living. She is married, with children. From all indications, she’s a devoted and loving mother – and would have done so with you. I don’t feel it’s right for me to tell you her identity until I’ve spoken with her about you. Once she knows about you, I will leave it up to her when she’ll get in touch with you.

As far as I am concerned, the least I owe you is acknowledgement that you are my son. You have the legal papers concerning it. Please know that my will has already been changed to acknowledge your presence. When you are ready, I will announce to the world my joy at being your father ,because I am happy about it.

My door is open to you. Whatever you need, all you need to do is ask.

There is nothing I can do to make up for the pain that I have caused you and your mother. But, I do vow to spend the rest of my life trying to make amends. My hand is extended to you whenever you come. I ask of you to possibly try and find it in your heart to give me the chance to begin again with you. It’s more than I deserve, but, I have to ask for it anyway.
 

Your Father,

Julian Crane"

Chad looks up at Theresa. They are silent for a few minutes.