evianbreakup92806

The Beauty and Ugliness of the Evian Breakup- 9/28/06
by SIPort

I know this sounds strange, but I honestly enjoyed the Evian scenes from the last few days. Maybe if this were the kinds of discussions that Evian had been having all along, then maybe the breakup wouldn’t be so odd.

Ben and Tracey have been terrific.

When Eve burst into Julian’s office, I loved it. He KNEW that she would be coming to see him after he cut off the funding to the hospital from the Crane Trust. And yes, Eve was pissed. But, I loved the tone behind her being pissed. It wasn’t pure anger. It was anger, mixed with disappointment, and underneath it all was love. She loved Julian and was trying to reason with him. That the money for the hospital wasn’t about her; it was about the patients.

Julian had to know how hurt Eve would be. How important being a doctor was to her. That it’s her life’s work.

On the other hand, Eve wasn’t listening to Julian. Julian is going about things in the wrong way, but he is being vocal about what he wants in his life. How much Eve means to him, and what she means to him. When Eve told him that he couldn’t use his money to try and control the situation, his response about her not being able to control things was very telling. That, from Julian’s POV, there has been a power imbalance, and Julian was on the losing end. From his POV, he had done everything he could to live up to what he thought he should be with Eve, and still, he was the loser.

The look in his eyes, and the tone in his voice when Eve’s phone rang said it all. Just once, Julian wanted Eve to put them first. He needed for her to stay there and discuss things with him. He cracked me up when he said that Theresa’s life was trouble, and that she loved drama…funny, but true. He was so sad when she left; like it was his last grasp of hope for their relationship.

I did like Eve’s talk with Gwen. Gwen tried to tell Eve that she was lucky to have a man love her the way that Julian loves her. That she knew he had his devotion. Eve told Gwen that she had broken up with Julian; about Julian’s jealousy of TC, and his ideas of Eve falling for TC again. Eve said that she had evaluated her feelings, and there was no doubt that she loved Julian. Upon hearing that, Gwen told her to fight for her relationship. To not be so willing to throw her relationship away without a fight. Eve told Gwen that she thought she was right, and that she had to talk to Julian.

When she came into Julian’s outer office, Eve’s words to herself about loving Julian, Julian having to learn not to lash out when he gets angry, and that their love was much too important to walk away from gave us insight into what Eve was thinking and feeling. She was very hopeful about a reconciliation with Julian, which made the hurt when she came into his office that much more pronounced. You could see her heart shattering looking at Julian with Valerie. When she said, ‘ this can’t be…this can’t be…’, she just didn’t want to believe her eyes.

Eve: Julian.
Julian: Eve.
Valerie: Oh, my god.
Julian: I told you to lock the door.
Eve: God, this can't be. This just can't be.
Valerie: I've never been so embarrassed in my life. This is not what you think. This has never happened before.
Julian: That will be all, Valerie. It's -- it's not like you caught me cheating, Eve. You did break off our relationship.
Valerie: I am so sorry. Julian told me you gave him back the engagement ring.
Eve: It doesn't matter now. I'm going.
Julian: Eve, wait. Don't go.
Eve: I don't want to hear your apologies, Julian.
Julian: I'm not offering an apology.
Eve: What did you say?
Julian: What you walked in on just now was your fault, not mine.
Eve: So I'm to blame for your having sex on your office desk with an employee. Oh, Julian, you sure have got a lot of nerve.
Julian: We need to have this conversation in private.
Eve: No, we don't need to have any conversation at all. Get your filthy hands off me. I just want to go back to work.
Julian: Come to my office.
Eve: Your office? Don't you mean your game room? You're sick, Julian. I'm never stepping foot in there again.
Julian: That's too bad because you're coming with me.
Eve: No, let go of me. Stop it.

I have to admit that I loved Julian telling Eve that it was HER fault that he had just had sex with Valerie. It was classic male deflection and reminded me of that Chris Rock skit – Men NEVER admit that it was them cheating. Could be caught, in his house, in his bed, naked with another woman by his wife, with her own eyes – and he’s not gonna admit it. Julian tried another angle; yeah, it was me, but it was all YOUR fault. After all, I wasn’t cheating, because we weren’t together. I think Julian half believed what he said, but it was funny watching him try and justify it.

He WAS trying to hurt Eve; he was reverting back to old patterns. He was miserable, and this is what he did commonplace back during the ‘ bad old days’. And, since being ‘ good’ hadn’t gotten him what he wanted most, then why not go back to that old behavior.

Julian: So you're banishing me to an eternity of hellfire for what infraction? You can't cheat on someone who's already broken up with you.
Eve: Oh, and thank god I did. 'Cause you're -- you're just as despicable as your father. Maybe even more so because you pretended to be a decent person. You pretended that there was some decent human being under those -- those ugly Crane trappings.
Julian: I pretended nothing. If I'm not the man you want, you only have to look in the mirror to see the reason why. I loved you, Eve. Not only was I willing but eager to be the man of your dreams for the rest of my life. But you thought it was more important to go back to T.C. Than be with a man who would've laid down and died for you. You made me the man I am today. You must be very proud.

Julian put it on the line here. If Eve didn't like the man she saw today, she had nobody to blame but herself. Everyone had told Eve that it was her love that had brought about a better Julian, but I guess she didn't believe it. But, she didn't get to run away and pretend that the past few years had been nothing but 'pretend time' for Julian. They had been real; he had been willing to change for her because he loved her. She didn't get to run away from her responsibility for her actions, or non-actions. She didn't get to blame Julian for everything. She didn't get to play the victim here.

Eve: God, I can't believe i came back in here to try and give you another chance.
Julian: What?
Eve: That's right.
[Crying] Can you believe that? You know, I -- I thought about it and I -- I wanted to come back and apologize to you for breaking our engagement and to ask you if we could -- could get back together and start again where we used to be.
[Crying] God, it's a good thing I found out because this would have compounded my mistake.
Julian: You wanted to get back together with me?
Eve: The fool that I am. Gwen convinced me that what we had was too important to just walk away from. So I thought I'd come back and see if we could work things out. Because real love is supposed to be too precious to just let get away. Then what do I find when I come in here? You and valerie on the desk. What a fool I am to think that you had changed.
Julian: I did, Eve.
Eve: Oh, did not. You're the same old dark-hearted crane you always were.
Julian: You don't believe that or you wouldn't have come back. You know that -- that what we have is too special to lose.
Eve: Thank god I found out the truth. God, I'm such a fool.
Julian: No, you're not a fool. We can put all this behind us. We could -- we can work this out. We can.
Eve: No.
Julian: Yes. Eve --
Eve: No.
Julian: Don't throw this away.

I loved that Julian wouldn’t just let her go away. I loved that he was determined to connect with her anyway he could. When he pulled her in for a kiss, Eve was fighting it; you could see it. She was supposed to be logical. She was supposed to know that this was wrong, and yet, she loves this man, and the passion between them overwhelmed her.

Julian: We belong together.
Eve: This is so wrong.

As the saying goes, if loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right. The mind said one thing for Eve, but her heart and body said something else as she was giving into Julian.

Julian: You're mine, Eve, and you always will be.
Eve: Oh, Julian, I do love you so.
Julian: Well, you certainly -- you certainly proved that. Do you think it would be possible if we just pretended the last month or so just -- just didn't happen? And you could start wearing your engagement ring again? We could even set a date for the wedding.
Eve: Oh, baby.
Julian: It'll be so incredible. For the rest of our lives like I dreamed of all those years ago before father stopped us. You know, we can even -- we could set off on that Mediterranean cruise.

I loved that moment between them. The looks on their faces. The content. How Eve nodded yes when Julian said that she was his…it was true to her, and she wanted it to be that way. And, she didn’t want the distance between them anymore than Julian did. It was obvious that this was a woman who was in love, and wanted to be with Julian. The looks on their faces made that clear. Of course, it was the calm before the storm. When Julian spoke of this being his dream, you really believed him. You knew it was him speaking from his heart.

Eve: Oh, yes. Just as soon as I'm sure that TC Is well on the road to recovery.
Julian: What?
Eve: Oh, that hasn't changed, sweetheart. I'm still worried about his recovery. You must understand that.

Um, Eve, I’m one of your biggest fans, and ‘ I’ don’t understand it. You’ve given enough time to TC and his care. If he’s being an ingrate, that is NOT your fault or responsibility. Julian hasn’t hidden his feelings about this – he is very emotionally uncomfortable with you spending so much time with your ex-husband; especially since Julian is willing to pick up the financial tab for his care. This totally, completely was NOT NOT NOT the moment to bring that up, and you were insane to think it was.

Julian: Well, actually I -- I really don't understand, with so many doctors who could handle TC's case.
Eve: But he needs me.
Julian: Eve, your obsession with your ex-husband's health has been what's destroying our entire relationship. Really I don't understand you. Why do you put TC First when you're with me?
Eve: Honey, it's complicated.
Julian: No, no, no, it's really very simple. Do you love me or do you love TC?
Eve: You. I love you, Julian.
Julian: Well, then forget about TC And concentrate on us. Forget about everything else. If you do love me, it's me, and it's only me.

I agreed with Julian here. We have too many people on this show willing to settle of being ‘ part’ of someone’s life. (Gwen anyone?) Julian is putting his foot down; if you want to marry me, then you should be with me. ‘ I’ should be the one in your heart. I should be the priority. This is not unreasonable for Julian to ask. Eve says the words – that she loves Julian, and I believe her, but Julian needs more than the words. He needs some action. He needs some proof, and since Eve KNOWS this is a sticking point for Julian – because the man has been COMMUNICATING that to her – she should see things his way.

Eve: Julian, don't give me ultimatums. I can still be in a loving relationship with you and still be concerned about TC' It's not an either/or situation.
Julian: It is to me. I lay the blame for the destruction of our relationship completely on you.

I didn’t see it as an ultimatum. Julian’s being honest; as your man, I simply can’t have you obsessing about your ex. How many of us think this is unreasonable, considering that Julian’s been willing, from jump street, to pay for ALLLLL of TC’s medical expenses. THIS is the thing that makes me understand Julian in all of this. Eve owes TC nothing. She didn’t cause his stroke. She has helped him as much as she could, and he still threw her out. At some time Eve is going to have to let TC stand on his own; call in her daughters and get him to talk some sense to him. Call in SAM – his best friend, who has STILL not had A SCENE with TC since the accident. Call in Father Lonigan. There are any number of people that Eve can ask for help with TC. It’s not her responsibility because they are not married, and your fiancé is telling you, to your face, that this is a problem, then it should be corrected.

Eve: Oh, Julian, you're being ridiculous.
Julian: No. I mean, ever since TC had his -- his very convenient stroke, I mean you broke off our engagement.
Eve: Honey, you almost destroyed my practice.

Eve, Julian asked you to go on a trip with him. He had asked her before, and she always had an excuse. Julian did NOT try to destroy your practice.

Julian: No. We both know that you are hovering by TC's bedside out of some insane need to recreate your family -- a family that doesn't exist anymore. I mean, don't forget, TC divorced you when he found out about your past.
Eve: Our past.
Julian: I mean, he turned his back on you like everyone else in this town except for me. I loved you no matter what. I am asking you, is the reverse true? You accuse me of using you as a plaything, when in truth it is you who has used me. You have used me as a way to pull yourself out of the wreckage of your dull, middle-class life.
Eve: Julian, how dare you.
Julian: It's true, admit it. You miss the thrills and the riches of a life with me. And then once you got to be the -- the lady of the manor, you so enjoyed it until your dull middle-class guilt took a hold of you, and you developed some nostalgia for a non-existent family. And lo and behold, TC Has his accident, his stroke -- a very smart move on his part -- and voila, the noble doctor has the perfect excuse to turn her back on this new exciting life that her puritan core can't handle. I mean, you -- you are using TC's health as an excuse to push me away. Now, how pathetic is that?

I think I might be one of the few people who absolutely agreed with Julian during his rant. I asked years ago, why Eve would be willing to keep Ivy’s secret? Why would she submit herself to Ivy’s blackmail to maintain what in essence was a boring, middle-class lifestyle. Remember, the bad things that Eve did, were in order to keep her marriage and family. She didn’t do things for money or power, it was for that middle-class existence, and what she thought she would lose if the truth about her had come out. We knew a lot about Eve from other conversations, in how Eve was perceived throughout the community. Ivy herself even knew that Eve was referred to as ‘ Saint Eve’ from the rest of Harmony, and it was indeed how Eve herself had worked towards. It was Eve who meticulously built that reputation from the moment she was married to TC. In her work, and church, and through her philanthropic work also. She liked that respect. She liked being placed in a position of admiration within the community.

I wrote this in 2001 about Eve:

Her marriage and family are the most important things in her life, and for a time, I imagine that she will be back to where she began: alone. When TC and her children turn on her, they will bring an ache to her that will be immense. Eve’s totally afraid of being alone.

Eve has looked to others to validate her existence and to tell her that she is worthy of love. I believe that possibly losing it all will be the beginning of Eve accepting HERSELF, with all her failings, and finding out that SHE is worthy of love because of who she is. Eve looks to her ‘titles’ – Doctor, Wife and Mother, to give her self-respect. I think her journey is to find it within herself.

Only then, will she have peace. And, begin to really get ‘love’. A love where she doesn’t have to lie, or live in fear. But, a place where she can ‘be’. Where the person understands her past and doesn’t condemn her for it –Julian.

When you’ve spent as much time as Eve has in roles, I think part of her believes this is what she should be doing. That it’s the correct and proper thing; ‘ oh, look how wonderful it is for Dr. Russell to be doing this for Coach Russell, even though they are divorced. ‘ That it’s part of the Dr. Russell ‘image’, Eve clung to for so many years.

Eve: You are so out of line, Julian. I have never used TC's stroke to justify anything. I am a doctor. He is a patient that I care about. If I want to use my medical skills to make sure that he recovers, I think that's my business and nobody else's.
Julian: You see, that is the root of the problem. TC Is no longer your responsibility. You are not married to him. He divorced you in one of the nastiest divorce cases this town has ever seen. And still he wouldn't let you go. I was such a gentleman, I just offered so many times to bow out so you could be with him. But, Eve, you chose me. And since his stroke, I have gone out of my way to make sure that that son of a bitch has had the best medical care 24 hours a day.
Eve: Julian, paying for doctors and paying for nurses is not the same thing as having family around.
Julian: Family? He is not your family anymore. He divorced you. You have no connection. Why can't you get that through your head?

I agree with Julian here. There are plenty of doctors in the world, and Julian would hire any of them. All he’s asking is that EVE be not the one at TC’s beck and call. TC has done nothing to earn such devotion from Eve – not the way that he has treated her since their breakup. So what that TC is sick – and this is coming from one of the few genuine TC fans – Eve shouldn’t be bothered. He’s the father of her daughters, ok.

But, those daughters should be the ones front and center in caring for TC. And, if he doesn’t want to have it at him, then he should be shipped to a rehab facility. Julian DID give Eve chance after chance to break things off with him. And, he did it sincerely and with honesty. Why is it so impossible to see things from his P.O.V. –that now that she has chosen him, he should come first before her EX-HUSBAND?

Eve: And why can't you just understand simple compassion, Julian? What -- do you care for no one but the great, grand Julian Crane?

That was a low blow, Eve. People understand simple compassion…but, not many people understand their man/woman spending every waking moment with their EX over the person you say you love. Especially an EX that treated you like a piece of garbage. If you had had a gentle, pleasant, 'friendly' divorce, that would be one thing, Eve. You did NOT have that. Julian knows that, which compounds his confusion about why YOU would be treating TC like this.

Julian: I care for you. I want to spend my life with you. Ever since I saw you singing at the Blue Note in Boston, you have been the goddess of my dreams. I will never forgive myself for letting my father stop us. And, Eve, you have no idea what it has been like living with Ivy and watching you from afar. You seemed so happy, your whole family. All I had was the best scotch that money could buy.
Eve: Maybe if you'd kept an eye on your own family, you could have found happiness closer to home.
Julian: Do you think I don't know that? My life all these years has been torture because I thought you were perfection.
Eve: I am not perfection, Julian.
Julian: No, you're not. I think I know now what you really are.
Eve: What do you mean by that?
Julian: I think we should just stop here, Eve. I'm wasting my time.

I really felt for Julian during this exchange. It was a few sentences, but it’s how he spent 25 years of his life. The way he cupped her face; the way he grabbed her shoulders, he was almost pleading with her, begging her to understand what was at stake for him here. And in his narrative, he was miserable. When he semi-laughed on the scotch line, you realized those were very bitter laughs. That he saw nothing humorous in what he was saying.

Dreams of Eve were all he had, and they, and her music were all he had to comfort himself. When he said that he thought Eve was perfection, it was like he was a child finding out that there is no Santa Claus. It was a truth he had believed for years. Probably THE truth he had held dearest to his heart and he felt it all come crashing down around him as he was saying it.

Eve: No, I'm not going to let you get away with that, Julian. What -- what does that mean what I'm really like?
Julian: I don't know, Eve, I really -- I don't think you are going to like the answer to that question.
Eve: Well, I can take it, Julian. Come on, just give it your best shot.
Eve: Well? I'm waiting, Julian.
Julian: Damn you. If you really want to know what I think of you --
Eve: Yes I do. No holds barred.
Julian: I used to think you were perfection, Eve. God must laugh at all of us poor sods who were fool enough to put the women we love up on pedestals, because when you are so high up there, it's very difficult to see the cracks on the surface.
Eve: Julian, I really don't care for the strained metaphors. Just -- just spit it out.
Julian: I discovered that you are not perfection. You are far from it. And you accuse me daily of reverting to the old Julian, of being a cold, soulless man. What about the old Eve? What about you? You know, I used to think it was the Drugs that made you promiscuous -- that when you were high, you really didn't care what I did to you. That, of course, explains those delightfully pornographic photographs you let me take of you.
Eve: That is such a lie.
Julian: But you see, the Drugs -- the Drugs really had nothing to do with it. That's why it was so easy to turn you into a tramp, because -- you really are nothing but a whore at heart. You are a whore, Eve.

I loved the little touches that Ben and Tracey chose for this scene. The way Tracey had Eve fidget with her hair. Eve was trying to be brave, but she was scared as to what Julian was going to say to her. Julian, on his part, had to get liquid fortification to spill out what he was going to say. It was going to be brutal, and he got the spirits to help him.

And, when Julian went in for the kill, it was time for Eve’s heart to break. This was indeed brutal.

Eve: I took that from TC, And I took it from Liz, and I took it from Aunt Irma, and I even took it from the girls. But I cannot take it from you, Julian. How could you call me a whore after everything that we've been through together, after everything that we've meant to each other? It's like you never really loved me at all.
Julian: Oh, good god! I worshipped you! I was blinded by your beauty, your voice, your heart, your -- you knew that and you took advantage of it. You used me. You loved me for my money. See, I was your ticket to a life far from what a poor girl like you could ever have achieved on her own. You seduced me with your voice and with that body, but you never loved me.
Eve: Julian, if you really believe that, then how could I have ever loved anyone like you?

For some reason, this exchange is the one that really began to get to me. When Eve talked about ‘taking it’ from all those people – that condemnation and humiliation, I could literally feel her pain. When she said she couldn’t take it from Julian, I believed her. I knew that the rest of them hurt her, but none of them were hurting her the way that those words from Julian’s mouth were cutting her right now. It was as if she were literally bleeding emotionally, and Julian had the machete in his hand.

As for Julian, it was like he was possessed. He had made up his mind, and he had to convince himself that he was speaking the truth, because it was the only way that he could make it through. He didn’t speak like a man who believed what he was saying – he was a man who HAD to believe what he was saying. The only thing in that exchange that was the truth is that Julian had worshipped Eve. Outside of that, the rest was to comfort Julian’s mind.

Julian: What are you waiting for, Eve? We're finished here. Go home to TC And empty his drool cup and clean up the mess he's no doubt made in the bathroom. Those are considered acts of love in the middle class, aren't they?

That was awful of Julian, but I got his awfulness, stemming from his pain. He’s hurt and lashing out.

Eve: God, I'd forgotten how cruel you can be.
Julian: Oh, come now. You've done some of your best work on your hands and knees.
Eve: God, Julian.

That comment deserved a bitchslap from Eve. It truly did. Julian always did know how to use his tongue to cut, and tonight it had turned into a machete.

Julian: Which reminds me, I've yet to pay you for your services rendered this evening. Would a check be all right? I think I'm short of cash.
Eve: You always did go for the jugular and especially when you were hurt.
Julian: You cannot hurt me, Eve. Not anymore.
Eve: I'm sorry that I ever did hurt you. I never meant to. I loved you, Julian, not your wallet. And I never used you as a meal ticket back in Boston any more than I used you as a distraction from my hum-drum middle-class life with TC and the girls. I wanted to be with you just like I thought you wanted to be with me.
Julian: You say that now, but if you wanted to be with me, why did you choose TC over me, over us?
Eve: You know why, because he had a stroke. He almost died, and you were so good about it when it first happened. It just made everything that you did afterwards just inexplicable to me.
Julian: That you couldn't see the problem is inexplicable to me. When you love someone, you put them first, above all else, consciously, subconsciously. As it turns out, I was never first with you. I was, at best, what, fourth behind TC and the girls and your patients?
Eve: No, Julian. That's not true.
Julian: It is my truth.
Eve: But TC -- He was all alone.
Julian: Will you just stop lying to me, Eve? Stop lying to yourself and just admit that you really want to be back with TC.

I liked that even when this was at its ugliest, Eve tried to pull it back. She tried to pull Julian back. She could have reacted differently with the check ‘ offer’, but what did she say instead?

‘ You always did go for the jugular, especially when you are hurt.’

She’s excusing Julian, because she believes he is hurt. She knows he is hurting, and that’s why he’s saying all these horrible things. She tries to get through to him by apologizing to him and telling him that she loves him. She tries to tell him that he wasn’t an also-ran to her; that he mattered, but Julian just can’t ‘hear’ Eve anymore.

Julian has convinced himself that Eve wants to be with TC and just can’t admit it to herself, when Eve is trying to tell him that she loves Julian – not TC. They are at an impasse.

Eve: Julian, you might think that this situation is due to my past with TC, But it's not. This is because you don't trust me or my love for you.
Julian: You're right, I don't. You know why? Because I have watched you pull away from me and draw closer to TC. I saw that you didn't love me enough to put me first in your heart.
Eve: How can you say that?
Julian: If you loved me enough, we would still be together.
Eve: God, I can't believe my ears.
Julian: What was it that made you realize that you couldn't be with me? What was it? Were you afraid of the stares that interracial couples get, even now, in this day and age?
Eve: If I didn't care decades ago, Julian, why would it bother me now?
Julian: Well, then, it's as I said. You didn't love me enough. You never loved me enough.

This was so sad. Julian was trying to make sense of it all for himself. He had to understand why he wasn’t good enough for Eve to love completely. He had done everything he could, and yet, it didn’t measure up. He fell short. The woman he loved couldn’t love him back in the same way and it was killing him. The anger was gone and all that replaced it was sadness and regret, at the loss of the only true dream Julian ever had.

Eve: Telling me that I didn't love you enough -- on what scale of 1-10, Julian? Or were you using letter grades?
Julian: Well, neither, Eve. You see, it was your actions. The choice has made it perfectly clear that I just didn't mean to you what you meant to me.
Eve: So, then, we're back to my not deserting TC After his stroke.
Julian: You put him ahead of me countless times.
Eve: You know, that you can even give a voice to thinking this way shows me that you never considered my feelings.
Julian: I put you on a pedestal.
Eve: Yes, like you put Valerie on your desk and had your way with her.
Julian: You drove me to Valerie.
Eve: Drove you?
Julian: Yes. You weren't here, you had to be with TC. I had needs that had to be fulfilled.
Eve: You did not sleep with Valerie to fulfill any needs, Julian. You had sex with her to hurt me because I had hurt you by being devoted to TC.
Julian: If you knew you were hurting me, why did you keep putting TC first?
Eve: Because it was never a competition. Because I could love you, and I could take care of TC
Julian: You say you love me, but why do you always have to put someone or something ahead of me, ahead of us? "Julian, I love you, but I have to take care of TC" "Julian, I love you, but my patients need me." "Julian, Julian!"
Eve: Yes! everything you said is true. Yes, it's all true. I do love you, and I do have responsibilities and patients who need me. I just don't understand why that is so hard to understand.
Julian: Understand? What I don't understand is that you always seem to put something or someone ahead of your love for me.
Eve: So, then, it's just -- it's all or nothing.
Julian: You tell me.
Eve: Well, I guess given that choice, you don't want to be with me.
Julian: I guess. So that's it, then. We're finished. Our relationship is over.
Eve: So, if that's what you want, Julian, if you want our relationship to be over, then fine. Then it's over.
Julian: You agree with me?
Eve: Oh, that's always been kind of the bottom line of our relationship, hasn't it -- that I agree with you. That's ok. If that's what you need, yes, I agree with you because it's obviously proven futile not to.
Eve: Not that it makes any difference to you now, but I want you to know that I loved you. And my love was deep, and it was abiding, and it was heartfelt. You really were the light of my life.
Julian: Really?
Eve: Julian, yes, really. The way you're looking at me right now just makes it hard to believe that you ever felt anything for me at all.

I LOVED that even though both of them were seriously hurting, neither one of them actually wanted to break up. Not from where I was watching. Eve had been hurt terribly; Julian had cut her deep, yet, she put the onus on Julian.

‘ So, if that’s what YOU WANT, Julian. IF YOU WANT our relationship to be over, then fine. ‘

She could have phrased it so many different ways, but she phrased it this way. She was giving the CHOICE to Julian. She wasn’t saying this is what she wanted; she said she was going along with what she believes JULIAN WANTS. That is a big distinction for me. Eve had been very hurt tonight. From her fight with Julian, to finding him with Valerie, to him cutting her verbally to the core. She was trying to leave there with some dignity. Maybe if one of those things hadn’t of happened, she could have let herself be more vulnerable with Julian by telling him that she didn’t want to breakup. As it was, she had to protect what she had left of herself.

And even then, she couldn’t leave him without making herself clear. She stopped herself from leaving because she NEEDED for him to know: how much she loved Julian. That he was the ‘light of her life’. Tracey was terrific, because I could feel Eve’s love for Julian, and her pain at the present state of their relationship.

When she said that it was hard for her to believe that he ever felt anything for her at all by the way he was looking at her, it was like she was lost. That she had lost everything.

Julian: I loved you more than you could possibly know. That's why when I lost you years ago, I was so hurt and angry, I drank myself into oblivion. I treated my wife and children so horribly, I used women. I took pleasure out of other people's...pain. And when I got you back, it was a dream come true. But I never really got you back, did I? You were using me and my love for you. Your heart stayed with TC
Eve: No, Julian, that's not --
Julian: I really do not want to hear this. I now see you for the shameless opportunist you really are.
Eve: How dare you, Julian.
Julian: Shut up. Shut up and go back to your boring bourgeois life. When that life is over, you can go straight to hell.

What a sad, sad heartbreaking ending this was. Julian is so bitter; Eve is heartbroken. I still love them; I can’t help myself that way. This week has been nothing but tumultuous; emotions flying up and down. Seeing glimpses of the perfection of Evian – their connection, their love and why it was always so special to me. And, to see it unravel because of their own demons and insecurities only added to the poignancy for me. There’s something so very adult and human about Evian that I still see even now. Of course I’m rooting for them to find their way back to one another, because I think they bring out the best in each other.

Ben and Tracey have been nothing short of wonderful this entire week, and even as my heart has broken, I still love my Eve and Julian – with all their flaws. I was a fan when nobody was a fan; it’s not like I can give up on them now. The entire week's worth of shows was so good. Evian was so good; it was so 'soapy'; one of the reasons why I love this genre. I had given up on supporting soap couples for a few years because of the scortching burns I got from another soap. Evian was the first couple in a long time that grabbed my interest from the beginning. I never needed for them to be dewdrops and roses and poetry. I loved the sadness that was like a mist they were always fighting; I loved that they weren't really a hero and heroine in the traditional sense; their flaws made them even more beautiful for me. And even in this ugliness, I still see their beauty.