Here - Chapter 1
Wednesday, 19-Jan-00 18:07:20

152.163.206.213 writes:
Sonny/Carly...
Okay, I've never posted fan fiction here before. But here's my attempt to salvage Carly (for myself! LOL!) and take Carly and Sonny from where they are to, perhaps, where they could be.

I'm pretty hurt by the Jason/Carly mess, because I had invested a lot emotionally into what they could have been. But I'm most hurt by what's being done to the character of Carly. So, here's what, in my dreams, would happen if Carly and Sonny MUST get together on GH!

Anita:)
[Sorry, Marg! But at least it's not at the Hot Zone! I *had* to do it! LOL!]

**************
Here - Chapter 1

Carly's hand shakes to her mouth. She can not believe what has just happened. She closes her eyes, trying to shut out the images she has in her head of Sonny. Of having sex with Sonny. Of Jason's face when he'd seen them.

Sonny walks into the room, seeing her back. At first, an inexplicable confusion passes over his face, but he immediately covers it with a voice of scorn, "Don't you think it's time for you to go? What the hell are you still doing here, huh? I think you've done enough damage here."

She turns her head slightly, clenching her jaw, not turning to face him just yet. I can not let him see me crying.

She takes a deep breath, steadying herself. She spins suddenly and faces him, her finger jabbing accusingly in his direction, her mouth in a hateful smirk, "You can not lay all of the blame on me, Man! You were just as willing as I was! I did not do this by myself!"

"Yeah," he sniffs and says flatly, "and now it's over. Get out."

He can not meet her eyes when he says this. He just wants her gone. Out of his sight. Somewhere other than standing in front of him, clad in his shirt, reminding him.

She shakes her head in disbelief, but can not help but let out a sad chuckle, "Look at us. Just look at us, Man. We just destroyed the one good thing in both of our lives. And for what?"

Sonny walks past her to the bar, pretending not to listen.

Pretending period.

She narrows her eyes at him, reading him clearly, "You want your shirt?"

"Oh no," he says over his shoulder, barely looking at her. His voice is an angry, sarcastic taunt, "you keep it. It's too dirty for me to have cleaned."

She takes off his shirt purposefully, then throws it at the back of his head, "Damn right it is."

He feels the shirt hit him, but does not react. He is too spent. Too angry. Too addled by the hurricane that has just passed through the penthouse. What the hell was that? But he does not stop to ponder the answer.

Because he is afraid of the answer.

She gathers her clothing and quickly dresses, the tears streaming down her face now. Her mind is running through all of the words she can say to Jason. All of the ways she can attempt to explain the inexplicable.

She practically runs for the door, slamming it shut behind her. Well, Carly, you did it. You finally did it.

Sonny's heart aches at what he knows he has done to Jason. And what he knows he has done to himself. He brings with him so much pain.

Lily, Brenda, Hannah. Now Jason.

Even Carly.

So much pain he needs to hurt everyone around him. To bring them down into the abject misery he feels.

So much pain that he feels he could combust into nothingness.

Is that what I've done? Have I exploded?

He gnashes his teeth in more fury at himself and the world than he can ever recall feeling. He hurls the empty glass in his hand against the wall, then collapses to the floor.

***********

"Jason...?" Carly's voice is timid as she peeks into the boxcar. He is just where Bobbie had reluctantly, angrily, finally, told her he was. Bandaged. Elizabeth by his side.

He looks at her in surprise, then the bitterness settled into his face.

She climbs inside slowly, glancing from Elizabeth to Jason, "Can I talk to you? Alone?"

Elizabeth straightens, angry at the sight of the woman she believes has hurt Jason over and over again. "He's really not up to seeing anyone..."

Jason puts a hand on Elizabeth's arm and says quietly, "It's all right..."

Carly closes her eyes and lets out a breath of relief. It's not lost. It's not lost. It's not lost.

Turning to look at Jason, Liz questions, "Are you sure?"

He nods.

She inhales sharply, raising a brow at him, then patting his shoulder gently. Finally, she gets up to leave, brushing Carly as she passes.

When she is certain that they are alone, Carly takes a few steps to Jason's side. She starts to touch his bare shoulder, but stops herself when she sees the pain in his eyes when he looks at her.

Despite herself, she begins to cry. She whispers desperately through her sobs, "How are you? Bobbie told me what happened..."

He does not answer, he just stares at her incredulously.

Seeing that the small talk is neither necessary nor warranted, Carly looks deeply into Jason's eyes, "I'm so sorry, Jason...it was a big mistake...it really didn't mean anything...I don't know what else to say..." She forces herself to touch him, but feels kicked in the gut when he recoils. She brings a hand to her face, "I love you, Jase...I would never hurt you on purpose. You know that, right? You know you mean everything to me...?"

For a moment, there is silence. He is studying her as if he has never seen her before. As if she is a stranger. Then his eyes cloud over with the pain in his chest. As if processing everything that has happened his face registers caring, anger, and then, at last, regret. He sighs, "I love you too, Carly. Why do you think this hurts me so much?"

"What??" Carly blinks, unsure that he has actually said what she thinks she's heard. Not wanting him to have said those words. Not now.

He shakes his head slowly, reaching up and touching her face, "I love you, Carly." He drops his hand to his side, "But why did you do something you know would have to hurt me?"

She is all hope through her tears, disregarding everything he's said past the 'I love you.' Her hands are on his arm, stroking gently, "Jason, oh my God. You know that Sonny didn't mean anything to me. We can start all over now..."

He stares at her in confusion, "No, Carly," and shrugs his arm away from her grasp, "I stood by you when you took Michael from me. I stood by you when you told people that I'd abused you. But not this. This hurts too much. You hurt me too much."

She backs away, watching him, knowing now that there is no going back. She feels completely devastated by his words. Jason had been hers. Hers. And she'd ruined it. Again.

She is too numb to react at first. And then something snaps inside of her. She thinks of the past three years. Of all of the anger and pain and anguish inside of her. She hears herself, she sounds completely calm and rational, but she feels detached from it at the same time, "You know, Jason, you hurt me too."

He is taken aback by the level tone in her voice. He had expected more crying. Or maybe more protests. He waits.

She stands and begins to pace the room, her eyes never leaving his, "You've known that I have loved you for a long time. But not once, not one time have you ever, ever shown me that you feel the same way about me. What am I supposed to do, Jason? Wait around until you toss me the next crumb? Watch while you have bike rides and intimate dances with teenage girls and just hope that you feel something for me??"

He shoots back, "I wouldn't expect you to jump into bed with my best friend!"

She is amazingly unaffected. She blinks slowly, then says, "Why not, Jason? Why the hell not? You have no claim on me. Today, you tell me that you love me. But, Jason, how the hell was I supposed to know that? How? By the way you treat me?" She laughs scornfully.

Her humor fades, and she takes a hard, hurt swallow, "I am so sorry that what happened hurt you, Jase. Sorrier than you will ever know. Because, no matter what you think of me, I do love you." There is a catch in her voice as she continues, "But what happened came out the hurt and rejection that I have felt from you for years. Now, I'm not excusing what I did. I'm not blaming you. And I'm definitely not saying it was right. Because it wasn't. I knew it wasn't while it was happening. But it happened for a reason. Do you know that there is nothing you could say to me now that I haven't said to myself about a million times already??"

"So I should just, what? Say, 'Okay, Carly, it was a mistake. Let's just forget it?'" He is angry and hurt, understanding her words, but not accepting them.

She stares at him, so sad she can barely believe she is standing. Her voice is a mere whisper, "Just don't say anything, Jason. You don't have to say anything."

Then she leaves him alone with his thoughts, his anger, and his torment.

And with his Elizabeth.

It is lost.

***********

Carly storms into the Q mansion, the anger at herself and her life she has felt since leaving Jason in the boxcar - since sleeping with Sonny - spurring her on.

Losing the one person, the one place, where she could go for solace, for acceptance, has dropped Carly lower than she has ever been.

But, strangely, losing the safety net of Jason has also left her feeling stronger than she has been in a long time.

With nothing, no one to lose, with no direction to go but up, she feels she has no choice but to begin to claw her way out of the hole she's dug herself into.

She heads up the stairs, straight to Michael's room. She opens the closet door and pulls out one of his small suitcases and begins throwing some of his clothing into the bag. She turns to her son, who is watching her curiously from his crib, "Michael, we're going on a little trip."

"What do you think you're doing?" AJ asks, his voice sucking the air out of the room.

Damn it. What is he doing here??

Carly's eyes venture to the little boy, obviously disturbed by the sudden, palpable tension enveloping his room. "Let's go outside, AJ," she says firmly, stepping to the doorway.

"Why, Carly?" AJ smirks, not moving, not allowing her to pass. "You have something to say to me you don't want to say in front of our son?"

She steadies herself and hisses through gritted teeth, "I'm leaving, AJ. And I'm taking Michael with me."

He stares at her hard, "Where, Carly? Where are you going to take that little boy? Do you even know?"

She lowers her eyes, ashamed to admit that she has no idea where she is going. Just that she is determined to go.

"To Bobbie's," she blurts, her voice trembling even though she wishes with all of her heart that it wasn't, "I am finally, finally taking control of my life, AJ. And my life is with my son. And it's not here."

He raises a brow, dismissing the conviction in her face and voice, "Really?" He folds his arms across his chest and says flatly, "There is no way that I'm going to let you tear that little boy from yet another home and another father, Carly. No way. You want to leave? Take 'control' of your life? Fine. Go. Good luck. But I'm not letting you hurt my son anymore."