Here - Chapter 10
Wednesday, 19-Jan-00 18:32:39

152.163.206.193 writes:


Here - Chapter 10

The air is cold, and Carly has not bothered to put on her jacket. The frigidity feels good against her skin. It makes her feel very aware of where she is.

She thinks back to her visit with Michael earlier that day. The little boy is so free, so happy. He is completely without worry or guile, consumed only with the moment. She remembers the way his face looked, his cheeks slightly reddened by the chilly wind as she blew bubbles and he chased them. He had laughed a laugh so pure it makes Carly ache even now when she thinks of it.

She wonders how he can do that, how he can live only with the now and the here and not spend his time regretting the past and fretting the future. She knows that he is just a child, an innocent with no real past and a future that only stretches to his next diaper change and next meal.

She hears footsteps approach her from behind and she glances back, only to see Sonny making his way toward her. Not nearly as annoyed as she thinks she should be, she rolls her eyes and looks away from him. Somehow she knew she would have to talk to him at some point that evening. "What?"

He puts his hands in front of his mouth and blows into his clasped fists. When he is standing next to her, he puts his hands in his pockets and says gruffly, "What are you doing here?"

She replies curtly, "Getting some air."

"I mean, waiting tables at Luke's...?" he clarifies, his attitude still hard, his wall still up.

She looks at him then as if he is stupid. She answers blandly, "Waiting tables at Luke's."

"Why?" he questions.

She stares at him cynically, "Oh please, Sonny. Don't act like you don't know..."

He looks at her and smirks, "Believe it or not, Carly, I don't spend every waking moment thinking about what's going on with your life."

She looks out into the parking lot again for a few seconds, then states softly, "I am no longer Carly Quartermaine." She laughs sadly, "And, according to the law, I never was. I'm living with Bobbie and working here to pay the rent." She looks at him angrily, "Happy?"

He considers her revelation for a moment without meeting her eyes. Then he says quietly, "What about the kid?"

Carly clears her throat and looks away. She does not answer.

"You lost your son?" Sonny queries, his eyes growing heavy.

"Don't do that," she snaps at him suddenly.

"What?" he meets her eyes, confused.

She turns to face him and hisses, "Don't put me and my son on your laundry list of things that happened because of you!"

He stares at her in stunned silence. How could she know?

She wags a finger in his face, "Not everything in the world happens because of Sonny fuc&in' Corinthos, okay? The world does not revolve around you!" She shakes her head and laughs at him, "Who do you think you are anyway? The El Nino of Port Charles??? Oh look! It's raining today! That dam$ Sonny!"

He laughs out loud, "Look who's talking! Nothing happens because of you, right?"

"Hey, man," she shoots back nastily, "you forget! I saw you! I saw how you were all broken up about that twit Brenda getting herself killed! You blame yourself for everything, man!" She hits her head with the heel of her hand, "When will you get it?? You don't rule the world! You're not responsible for every damn thing that happens on the planet!"

His face turns hard at her mention of that time. He does not like that anyone saw him in that state, let alone this woman who throws it in his face at every opportunity. He rubs his cheek with his hand, "This coming from the queen of self-delusion..."

"Whatever, man..." After a brief, tense pause, she mutters under her breath, "I must be delusional to want to sleep with you..."

He blinks. Then he steps closer to her, until he is standing so close behind her that she can feel the warmth of his breath on her neck. She does not move. He slides her loose hair over her shoulder and whispers her own words into the bare nape of her neck, "You want to sleep with me?"

Despite herself, Carly feels the tingle spike through her body at his nearness. "Did I say that?" she counters quietly, knowing exactly what she said. But not why she said it.

He slowly puts a hand on each side of her neck, runs his hands along her shoulders, then down her arms. He whispers again, "You want to sleep with me...?" This time the question is rhetorical.

He turns her to face him. He looks at her. Her face is flushed. Despite the cold, her eyes are warm. Her breasts press against the Luke's shirt she wears. He asks her, "When do you get off here?"

She licks her lips and dares him, "Why? You want to have sex, Sonny?"

He tilts his head at her, a hint of a grin on his lips, "Do you?"

Do I??? Carly asks herself, looking into his deep brown eyes. Why not?? "Yes," she hears herself answer.

"What time are you finished?" he asks again.

She can not believe she is doing this, but she does not feel badly at all, "After closing. I'll be done around three."

"I'll send somebody to pick you up," he says, taking a step backward, as if a transaction has been completed.

She will not let him get away with the detachment. Knowing how much he will try and resist it, she closes the distance between them, presses herself against him, and grabs the back of his head. "You want me, don't you?"

He narrows his eyes slightly, then nods.

Then she pulls him toward her and into a kiss.

Their lips open hungrily, their tongues exploring known territory. His hands move to her waist, then lower.

A low groan escapes his mouth and he deepens the kiss even more. He knows he would take her in this parking lot if he could.

They are both enjoying the moment. The push and pull of their mutual attraction and disdain for each other.

Cat and mouse. Mouse and cat. Someone is going to get eaten.

"Break's over, Caroline!" Luke yells in a low growl from the doorway.

Shocked and embarrassed, Carly immediately backs away from Sonny, her mouth agape, her lips still burning from their kiss. She brushes quickly past Luke's admonishing gaze without saying a word.

"I think you have people waiting for you, Corinthos," Luke warns, then disappears inside.

Sonny closes his eyes and catches his breath for a minute. What am I doing? Then he goes back in to deal with business.

***********************

"What the he!! do you think you're doing??" Luke asks his niece without preamble.

It is closing. Carly has managed to avoid Luke all night. Until now. She is the only one left with him as she puts the glasses back in the cabinet. She shrugs innocently, "I'm putting things away."

He studies her, ignoring her pathetic attempt to sidestep his question. "You think you can play with the big boys now, Carly? Graduated to the boss-man? Had enough of the cronies, so now you're going to go for that brass ring?"

"You don't know what you're talking about," she mutters angrily.

He scoffs at her, "I dam$ well know what I saw out there!"

She glares at him, tired of feeling ashamed for everything she does, for every choice she makes. Tired of having to justify her existence, to prove her worthiness to people. She says in a low, intense tone, "And what did you see, Luke? Two adults doing what they felt like doing. So what??"

"I saw," he says, moving closer to her, "a woman with the mentality of a child humping some guy because the guy she really wants ran out on her!"

Carly widens her eyes at him. "What is your problem, Luke??" She smirks at him, "Are you jealous or something?"

He laughs, "Oh yeah. I've always had a thing for Sonny."

She makes a face and finishes putting the glasses away. She wipes her hands on a towel and says, "So what are you going to do? Fire me? Tell Bobbie? What?"

He takes a cigar out of his shirt pocket and twirls it in his fingers. He looks at her hard and says carefully, "Nah...It's your life, Caroline. I just hate to see you waste it."

"Oh!" She places a hand on her chest dramatically, "So all of this is coming from a place of love and concern?"

He shakes his head, "Nope. I don't really care what you do with yourself. Not at all." He locks eyes with her, "But it would kill Barbara Jean if you destroyed yourself. And nobody, not even her daughter, is allowed to hurt my sister."

She nods at him and lets out a puff of a laugh, "Oh yeah. That's you. Always looking out for your sister. Just like when you told her I was dead, right? She really appreciated that."

He stares at her for a beat, then asks, "Wouldn't it have been better for everyone if the truth had never come out?"

"Screw you, Luke," she spits out, throwing the towel at him.

"Well?" He looks at her questioningly, ignoring her words, "So what now for you? Are you going to spend your whole life getting in bed with mobsters? People don't usually retire from Luke's, Caroline. I don't have a 401(K) plan for waitresses. It's a job, not a career."

"HA!" she says, grabbing her jacket, "I'll bet Claude retires from here."

Luke shrugs, "He's management."

She shakes her head in disbelief.

"All I'm asking you to do is to consider, just consider, doing something for yourself. I mean, you're not the dumbest woman in the world. You do a good job with the books here. You could take classes at PCU or something..."

"Thanks for the compliment, Uncle Luke," she retorts sarcastically, pulling on her coat.

He disregards her sarcasm and calls after her cheerfully as she head out of the door, "You're welcome! Have a nice night!"

When she steps outside, Sonny's limo is waiting. Oddly, she is surprised at its presence.

She looks back toward Luke's, then back at the car with darkened windows. The driver, one she recognizes from her days living with Jason, steps out and opens the door for her.

Pulling her coat more tightly around her, she makes her choice and climbs into the vehicle.

****************

Sonny watches Carly as she paces the living room floor. He invited her, but now he is inexplicably nervous. He can tell she is also.

This time is not some spur of the moment, drunken, passionate encounter. This time they both admitted to wanting to be there. This time there are no shields of pain to hide behind.

Being alone with each other, sober, not angry, not sad or devastated, has put them both on edge. They are finding that, maybe, they do not dislike eachother nearly as much as they thought they did, which makes them both uncomfortable.

He clears his throat, "Want a drink?"

She looks out of the window, biting her thumbnail, and responds absently, "No. Thanks."

"Are you hungry?"

She shakes her head, still looking out of the window, "No."

He rubs the back of his neck, "You want to sit?"

"No."

He sighs and asks, "You want a ride home?"

She closes her eyes. Then she turns to look at him finally, "I don't know why I'm here..."

He shrugs and goes to the bar, avoiding her, "You said you wanted to have sex. Now you don't. No big deal."

She purses her lips at his dismissal. It makes her angry, "Right."

He pours himself a drink and takes a long swig.

He nearly chokes on his drink when she is suddenly right behind him saying, "So I guess I'm the only one feeling kind of strange right now?"

"I'm not feeling anything right now, Carly," he lies, pushing, pushing, pushing. He is reminded by her unexpected touch that she seems to see right through him.

"Nothing?" She has a hand on his back. There is no way she is going to let him convince her that he is feeling less tension than she is. She knows that is not true. She can sense it.

He closes his eyes and says gruffly, "What are you doing? I thought you wanted to go home."

"Did I say that?" she asks softly, seductively, placing her lips on the side of his throat.

"Don't start something you can't finish, Carly," he warns.

She smiles against his skin, "I've never had a problem finishing..."

"I'll bet," he says hoarsely, slamming down his drink. He is not sure what kind of game she is playing, but he knows she is playing one. He slowly turns to face her, looking for the truth in her eyes.

But he only finds reflections of himself.

He asks her, "What did Luke say to you?"

"Just that it's dangerous for little girls to play with you," she answers quickly.

He nods, "That's true."

"I'm no little girl."

"And that's why I'm not worried about you," he admits truthfully.

"So I can play safely with you?" she asks.

"How safe you want to play this is up to you," he says.

She looks at him closely, watching his face, "Aren't you scared to play with me?"

He smiles, "Should I be?"

"Given what you've said about me - to me, I would think you'd be plenty scared..."

His smile widens, "Nah. I know how to handle you, Carly."

She does not believe that any more than he does. She scares him. She is the one of the few people in the world who knows what he does and does not care. She is one of the few people in the world who has seen him so desperate and sad that he was ready to kill himself and anyone who happened to be in his path.

He wonders if this is what is drawing him to her. Because he is drawn to her. He can not lie to himself about that. Not anymore.

Right now, Sonny feels the safest with the most dangerous person in his life.

"Handle me?" she echoes his words, making him look at her.

He moves his head from side to side, "Okay. Let's just say I know how you like to be handled..."

It is freeing for Carly to be with someone as sexually warm and impulsive as she is. To come to someone without the fear of rejection. To be with someone she can actually get to, touch. Even if he says 'no,' which he will not.

This is truly the first time that Carly has no expectations of a man. She does not expect money. She does not need money. She knows now how little money really means, although she knows she will always desire it. She does not expect him to fall in love with her, nor her with him. She does not need him to love her. She has not been successful loving any adult male. Not Tony. Not Jason. She has decided to stop trying.

"So...handle me..." she says, pressing against him and feeling remarkably comfortable now.

His heart beats faster, his hand runs through her hair, "You sure that's what you want?"

She lowers her eyes, "Take off your clothes and I'll show you what I want..."

Neither knows what they are doing, yet both know exactly what they are doing. There is nothing left for them to do. Except to just let go and give in.

They will worry about the rest later.