Here - Chapter 11

Carly rolls away from Sonny and sits up. She runs a hand through her hair and gathers her knees to her chest, closing her eyes.

Sonny watches her from the bed, then, after a brief pause, he sits up next to her, their shoulders touching, not uncomfortably.

"You need a ride?" Sonny asks quietly, his breath at her shoulder.

She nods, eyes still closed, and bites her bottom lip, "Yeah. But he's got to drop me off a few blocks away from the brownstone. The last thing I need tonight is Bobbie seeing me get out of one of your limos..."

"And here I thought the last thing you needed tonight was me," he says seriously, reaching up and rubbing her back.

She lets him touch her, "Well, since you already happened, the next worst thing would be my mother finding out about it."

Standing up slowly, she drags the satin sheet with her, clasping it to the front of her body, but letting the rest flow around her to the floor, not bothering to cover her back. She looks over her shoulder at him, catching his eyes on her. She says, "I need a shower."

"You know where it is," he absently waves her to the bathroom, looking straight into her eyes, not at all ashamed that she knows that he was watching her.

The essence of their budding relationship? No shame. Sonny sighs and lies back down on the bed, rubbing his eyes with his hands. Then he falls fast asleep.

She showers quickly, letting the hot spikes drive into her skin, not trying to wash the feeling of Sonny off, but trying to drive it in, toward her soul. It is frightening for her, but she must admit to herself that when she is with Sonny, she feels completely and utterly free to be herself, as wanton, as crude, as petty, as earthbound as she is inside.

Hurrying to dress, she scuttles out of the penthouse without saying goodbye. No need to say goodbye when hello is never spoken.

********************

The next afternoon -

Sonny looks out of the window of the limo as the vehicle drives through downtown Port Charles. He does not turn his eyes and says with an angry undertone in his quiet voice, "So you're saying you don't approve of what I did last night, Benny?"

Benny shrugs nervously, placing his hands flat on the briefcase in his lap. "Sonny," he says, smiling and shaking his head in deference, "Sonny, I know I don't have to approve of anything you do -"

"Got that right," Sonny interrupts, pulling at his coat sleeves and fidgeting in his seat to keep himself from exploding at the older man. The sense of trust that had existed between Sonny and Benny before Sonny's departure two years ago has all but evaporated. Sonny knows that Benny is Jason's man. He is no longer Sonny's. Sonny is not sure exactly how he is going to remedy that situation, but he knows he will. Soon.

Benny is rambling on, attempting to apologize for overstepping, trying to explain his position.

Sonny is barely listening, but the man's droning voice is beginning to annoy him, as is the enclosed vehicle. Abruptly, he signals the driver to stop. The limo immediately pulls over to the curb. Without looking at his business manager, Sonny clears his throat and says, "Let's go for a walk, Benny."

********************

Carly has Michael at the park for her last visit with him before he goes to Philadelphia with AJ. She watches him run in the way toddlers do, looking as if they could fall over at any second. It is cold outside and he is bundled up so tightly he can barely move. His arms are stuck at a ninety degree angle with his torso, his head can hardly turn. But this does not keep his reddened cheeks from glowing, or his eyes from sparkling merrily as he attempts to chase a straggling pidgeon.

"Michael!" She calls nervously as he starts to get too far away from her. Her heart starts pounding, skipping beats. Ever since the kidnapping, she has panic attacks when she is alone with her son, when she finds herself solely responsible for his well-being. She yells again, this time more insistent, "Michael! Stay where Mommy can see you!"

He manages to look back at her, but he keeps running. His gurgling laugh leaves a trail behind him as he disappears behind a bush.

"Michael!!" She is screaming now, jogging to catch up with him.

When she turns the corner around the bush, she finds him crouched on the ground, looking up at her expectantly, an enormous smile etched across his lips. But when he sees the fear in his mother's eyes, the smile begins to fray at the edges and his eyes become sad.

"Michael!" Carly breathes in relief and scoops him into her arms. She covers his cheeks in kisses and closes her eyes as she holds him against her chest. "Don't ever, ever run away from Mommy again," she whispers urgently against his flushed skin.

He is scared now, Carly can tell. She realizes that he is picking up the trepidation she is feeling, so she tries to calm herself down. She does not want her last visit with him for the week to be filled with sadness and fear. So she takes a very deep breath, then reluctantly releases her grip on him, placing him back on the dry, brown grass. Her voice is filled with forced cheeriness, "Do you want to go blow bubbles, Michael?"

***************

Benny walks alongside Sonny, carefully keeping his pace even with his boss. Benny can feel that something is coming, and he knows that it will probably not be good.

Johnny walks a few steps behind them, alert and impassive as always.

Sonny clears his throat again, stretching his neck, "You know, Benny, I'm not liking what I'm getting from you." He shrugs, "It's almost like you don't trust me or something."

Benny widens his eyes slightly, incredulous, "What are you saying, Sonny? Are you questioning my loyalty to you? After all these years?"

"No," Sonny keeps walking. He clasps his hands behind his back, taking his time with his response. He frowns a bit, "not your loyalty, Benny. I know you're loyal to me, to the organization. I'm questioning your faith in me. In my judgment."

Benny starts to protest, but Sonny puts up a hand before the man can get a word out.

"It's all right, Benny. I don't care if you don't like me. I don't care if you hate me. I can still work with you. I just need to know where we are."

Benny thinks for a few tense seconds before replying, studying the sidewalk as they stroll. He does not know whether it is best for him to be honest, although that is obviously what Sonny wants. Finally, he sighs, "I don't hate you, Sonny..."

Sonny nods, rubbing his chin with his thumb, glancing around at the leafless trees sculpted against a blue winter sky.

Benny puts his hands out in front of him, tilting his head to the side, "But the truth is that I am having some trouble...er...adjusting..."

Sonny waits patiently for his old associate to continue.

"It's just that, while you were," Benny coughs lightly, "er, gone, things were run a little differently...people knew what to expect from Jason, you know? He didn't throw in too many surprises. He wasn't as, um, emotional about things...?"

Sonny nods again and sniffs, "Yeah. Jason's not too emotional."

"But I think," Benny rushes to finish, "I think once it all settles down, you know, after that business with Agent Scott and everything --"

Sonny's eyes flash to Benny and he snaps, "How did you know about that?"

Benny is surprised by Sonny's reaction. He had no idea he was not supposed to know about Hannah Scott. Benny shrugs, skirting the question, "It's not a secret, is it?"

Sonny looks up toward the sky, "Jason tell you?"

Benny replies, "No." He clears his throat carefully, "I found out after Jason left." Finally ready to show his own irritation, Benny bursts, "For God's sake, Sonny, while you were holed up in your apartment doing God knows what, she practically became a full-fledged member of the PCPD! She hangs around with that Detective Taggert. People talk, Sonny. I mean, the whole state of New York knows what happened with Hannah Scott!"

Sonny glances left and right; he avoids looking directly into Benny's eyes. Of course everyone knows... "Okay," he says after a moment, hiding how humiliated he feels, "I get that it's going to take some time for people to trust me again."

"Yeah, Sonny," Benny says encouragingly, sensing that Sonny is not going to fire him, "just a little time..." Benny pats the younger man's shoulder lightly. If Benny feels anything for Sonny, it is compassion and loyalty. Benny knows that Sonny wears his pain like armor. Benny just wishes that Sonny would shrug it off and focus solely on business.

Sonny blinks and narrows his eyes, trying to calm himself down. He is in a very precarious position right now. If someone who has worked with him for years is questioning his stability, what must his other, more powerful associates be thinking? He realizes that they are all probably ready to come in for the kill, but they're giving him time to hang himself before they have to do it for him. That way, their hands are clean.

Damn it.

The pure, mercurial sound of a child's laughter snaps Sonny from his thoughts and he turns to look for the source. His eyes catch sight of Carly running with her son. Chasing something. Laughing.

Chasing bubbles.

The scene actually takes him by surprise. It shocks him. He has thought of Carly in many ways, imagined her doing many things. But never this way, never doing anything so simple and joyful. He watches her closely with her son, appraising her anew.

He thinks about how he would have a son and a wife, were it not for his own mistakes. He thinks about how he would have watched them at this same park. Maybe doing the same thing.

Chasing bubbles.

Benny is mid-sentence when he realizes that Sonny's attention is elsewhere. The business manager turns his head to follow Sonny's line of sight. He sees Carly and lifts a brow. Thoughtfully, Benny looks back at Sonny, who is still preoccupied, and remarks, "Carly Quartermaine. We've been running into her a lot lately..."

Sonny nods absently, trying to wrap his mind around the incompatible images of Carly in his head. Suddenly, he feels as if he is intruding on a private moment by watching her with her son, so he turns his attention back to Benny, "Yeah?"

Benny shakes his head, "Never mind."

"Let's go back to the car," Sonny says, already turning on his heel and heading away from Carly.

But the image stays in his head.

He is somewhat taken aback that this is not an unpleasant experience.

***************

Only after Michael is away for a few days, does Carly feel how absolutely empty her life is.

She hangs around the brownstone, paging through magazines. She babysits Lucas for Bobbie until she gets home from work. Then she goes to Luke's and delivers drinks to strangers for tips as Luke studies her with disturbingly penetrating eyes.

Unbidden, Luke's words come back to her, taunting her. How she should do something for herself. How she should stop just jumping into bed with mobsters.

For the first time, she starts to wonder where she will be in five years. And, for the first time in a long time, Jason is nowhere in her thoughts of the future. Would she still be waiting tables? Bedding Sonny and sneaking back into the brownstone? What would Michael think of having a mother like that when he is old enough to understand?

Melancholy, she lazily wipes down a table after the last customer leaves, then tosses the towel over her shoulder, "You need me to stay tonight?"

Luke is sitting on a stool behind the bar, leaning on the bar to read a newspaper. He looks up at her over his half-glasses and says sardonically, "Why? You got plans?"

She rolls her eyes and says defensively, "None of your business!"

He lets out a bark, "Ha!" He sighs loudly, smiling, and shakes his head as he looks back down at his paper, "Got a hot date with Ted Koppel again, Caroline?"

She throws the towel at him, hitting him squarely in the face.

"Hey!" he protests. Then he shakes the newspaper to let the towel drop to the floor, "Go home."

She takes off the apron, shrugs into her jacket, and heads for the door, "I'm going."

"Good night!" he sings after her.

She smirks to herself, Such a jerk..., and walks outside, shoving her hands into her jacket pockets. Immediately, she feels something unfamiliar and slick inside her pocket, something she knows she did not put there.

She pulls it out warily and looks at it. It is a pamphlet. She turns it over. It is a brochure for PCU.

She flips through it angrily and finds that classes offered in the accounting department have been highlighted with Luke's signature uglygreen ink. When she turns to the last page, she finds the driver's education course circled, starred, and underlined in the same green ink.

Angry, she opens her mouth slightly and begins to storm back into Luke's to tell her uncle off for being so presumptuous.

Instead, she finds herself putting the brochure back into her pocket and heading home.


***** to be continued ******