Here - Chapter 4
Wednesday, 19-Jan-00 18:14:52

152.163.206.193 writes:
Here - Chapter 4

Carly holds her breath, afraid to say any more than his name. She waits for him to say something, for him to let her know why he is standing in front of her.

He begins to shift on his feet uncomfortably, his eyes now avoiding hers.

Unable to contain herself, she bursts, "Jason, I knew that if I just gave you a little time..."

He closes his eyes, then opens them again. He is suddenly staring at Carly with brutal clarity. His voice is not angry, just soft and final, "Carly, I'm leaving."

She gulps. Then her defenses rise up around her, as sturdy as any brick wall. Her voice comes out more pleading than she'd intended, "What do you mean, 'leaving?' For how long?"

He responds in a soft tone, "I don't know."

"Well, where are you going?" she prods, her voice rising in pitch with her anxiety.

"I don't know," he repeats.

She looks at him, now hard and accusing, knowing the answer before she asks, "Are you coming back?"

Staring back at her, he replies honestly, "I don't know."

She takes a deep breath, then rails at him angrily, tears forming in her eyes, "How can you do this to me, Jason??"

He blinks and can not help but look at her incredulously, "How can I do what to you, Carly??"

Unfettered, Carly continues, punching her fist into his chest, even as he steps backward, "How could you leave me like this? What am I supposed to do without you here?"

He grabs her wrist to stop her from hitting him. He says with quiet firmness, "Carly, stop this."

She clenches her jaw and turns away from him, unable to conceal the complete desperation and utter sadness that sweeps through her body.

As long as he was here, we had a shot...As long as he was here.

She always kept that thought in the back of her mind. Even as she told herself that she would leave him alone, give him space and time to digest what had happened with Sonny. Even as she told herself that she could go on without him. She was always holding onto that last thread of hope.

She needed to believe that if they continued to bump into each other, see each other, interact, that, somehow, they could get past this mistake she'd made.

As long as he was here...

"I," his voice uncharacteristically catches, "I have these..." He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a rumpled manila envelope. His hands hold the envelope carefully, almost lovingly. Then he holds it out to her, "I had these. I can't...I can't take them with me, but..." He takes a deep breath and finishes painfully, "But I didn't want to throw them away..." I couldn't throw them away.

She can not bring herself to face him, not with the hurt so nakedly apparent. She can feel the tears streaming down her cheeks; her nose is running. She sniffs, her shoulders trembling with stifled sobs - wails, really - and, finally, looks down at the envelope.

She takes it without meeting his eyes.

Hesitantly, his hand reaches up and cups her face in such a tender way it stuns him. It hurts him just to touch her, but he lets it hurt.

He tilts his head, trying to make her meet his eyes, "Good-bye, Carly."

She gasps and captures his hand against her cheek. She shakes her head slowly. Her eyes still closed against the inevitable, she moans softly, "Please...don't..."

He knows in his head that she'd reacted out of fright and hurt when she'd slept with Sonny. But he can not get past the unpredictable ache that her predictable craziness has caused him this time.

After a moment, he folds her into his arms with a long release of breath and holds her for a few long seconds. He holds her for the four years they had known one another.

As strangers sharing a bed. As uneasy enemies. As each other's life preservers. As Michael's parents. As two people who could not quite be lovers.

With a brief, surprised kiss on her lips, he is gone.

She stands unmoving for what seems an eternity, but it is really just a few seconds.

Luke's voice startles her when he calls out to her from the office.

She turns at her name and locks eyes with him. She can tell that he's heard everything.

"Need a ride home, Caroline?" he asks gruffly.

She shakes her head.

"All right..." he says, accepting her answer, knowing she means it. Then he goes back into his office and shuts the door.

She puts on her jacket, still clutching the envelope, her breath still unsteady. She is afraid to cry because she knows she will lose it completely.

She walks out into the parking lot, into the night air. She is unaware of her surroundings. She is only aware of the envelope in her hand. Probably the last thing she will ever get from Jason.

Aimlessly walking, she finds herself on the docks. She takes a seat on the bench and watches the water as it bounces off of the moonlight, taking its own trip to somewhere else.

Finally, she opens the stuffed envelope. When she looks inside, her body collapses in despair and the tears flow at once, unbidden.

"Oh God, Jase..." she sobs uncontrollably, her body shakes with the sort of hopelessness and pain she is certain only comes with looming death.

Pictures.

Michael.
Jason and Michael.
Carly and Michael.
Carly, Jason, and Michael.

**********

Jason stops his motorcycle at the truck stop off the interstate.

It feels good to be free of Port Charles. It feels good to be on the road.

He walks into the all-night restaurant, its walls tinged with grease and beer stains, takes a seat at the counter, and orders a coffee.

He rubs his eyes and looks around at the couple of other tired midnight travellers taking a break from their journeys.

His coffee arrives quickly and steaming. He nods as he slides the money across the counter to the disinterested cashier.

He is shrugging out of his jacket when it flutters noiselessly to the grimy vinyl floor.

Slowly, he bends and retrieves the small picture of Carly and Michael. Without looking at it, he places it back in his jacket pocket.

*************

Sonny, unable to sleep, is dragging Johnny along with him for a walk along the docks.

He almost stops in his tracks when he sees Carly crying openly on the bench, clutching something to her chest. He is unsure whether to check to make sure she is all right or disappear into the night without her having seen him.

Looking around for signs of trouble, he approaches her carefully.

She looks up at him suddenly, terror in her eyes at someone nearing her unexpectedly. When she recognizes Sonny, her eyes darken and she hisses in fury, "Stay the hell away from me!!"

Shaking his head, he puts his hands up in surrender. He says flatly, "Sure, I'll stay away. Need me to call the cops or something?"

"NO! Just get the hell away from me, you no-good slut!" she spits the last word at him, just as he had at her every chance he'd gotten since his return to Port Charles.

He puts a hand on his chest, as if in pain, and continues his approach like a snake stalking prey. His voice is friendly, "No need for name-calling there, Carly..."

She stands up when he gets too close to the bench, and points a finger at him, the rest of her hand still holding one of the pictures, "You're an asshole, Sonny."

"What have you got there?" he asks curiously, then snatches the photo out of her hand.

"Give me that!" she screams, lunging at him to get the picture back.

He holds it away from her with a small smile on his face, purposely tormenting her. When he finally sees what it is - a picture of Carly, Michael, and Jason - his face goes dead.

"Give that to me, you ba$tard!" she yells, trying to tear the picture from his fingers. "That is all I have left of Jason! Thanks to you!"

He clicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth and drops the photo to the ground and watches her scramble to catch it before it goes off the dock into the murky water. He says menacingly, "You still don't get it, do you?"

She is on her feet again, protectively putting the photo back into the envelope. She is doing her best to ignore him, but she just can not do it. Why not????

"You never had Jason to start with!" he tells her, his voice rising in intensity as he closes the distance between them. "Jason was always just some prize to you, the goal of some 'plan'...He was always off in the distance! Somewhere off in the future! You never had him!" He is only inches from Carly now, and he states quietly, "And you never wanted him anyway..."

"Shut up," she says between gritted teeth.

He continues unabated, as if she has not spoken, "You want to know how I know this?"

He does not expect a response, and he does not get one. Just cold, hard, brown stones waiting for him to finish his assault on her soul.

He answers his own question, "I know you never really wanted him because every time you even came close to actually having Jason, you would do something stupid to blow it!" He backs away, his arms in the air, "You could have been on that island with your precious family months ago! But what did you do? You ran to the Quartermaines! And then you twisted that knife so hard I don't know how Jason is still standing!"

Her lip begins to tremble, "Shut your damn mouth!"

"And then, what, you see him with some teenager, you freak!!" He is laughing at her now. "Instead of just asking Jason about it, you have sex with me! How pathetic is that, Carly? You want to cry to me now about how much you love Jason? About how much you want your precious family together??"

He is mocking her.

She stares at him blankly, letting his words penetrate her skin, her bones, her heart. But she is no longer sad. She is too shut down to feel anything.

She goes at him with calm, icy venom, "And what's your excuse? Are you in love with Jason too?"

He shakes his head, trying to laugh off her soft, eerie words, but he has a feeling of foreboding unlike he's felt before.

Now she is the one slithering toward him, "I mean, maybe I should have cut my hair and worn a leather jacket. Would you have enjoyed it better?" She is so close to him now he can feel her composed breath on his cheek, "Maybe it would have lasted longer?"

He shuts his eyes and tries a smile, "I didn't hear you complaining..."

"Who had time to complain?" she shoots back. She circles him slowly, "No wonder your wife was going to leave you."

She is going for the jugular and she can tell by the tension in his jaw that she has hit it.

She stops in front of him, "No wonder Brenda didn't want you when you came back. You think I'm pathetic? Look in the mirror, Sonny. Look at me..."

He rolls his eyes to avoid watching her, but it is impossible not to watch her.

She laughs in his face, "You are so pathetic you just screwed over your best friend...You screwed over your wife, your kid, and your best friend..."

Sonny has to hold on to his rage tightly to keep from grabbing her by the shoulders and throwing her off the edge into the water.

"And the really, really sick thing about you?" She takes another step toward him, now their bodies are barely touching, "You still want me..."

He stands like a statue.

She suddenly reaches up and licks his ear.

"Sweet dreams, Sonny."

She nods to an appropriately stunned Johnny and walks off in the direction of the brownstone.