Here - Chapter 6

"Bye, Michael! Mommy loves you," Carly says, holding the little boy close to her chest. She can feel her eyes stinging already, so she releases him quickly, waves again, and then walks out of his room, leaving her son with Latecia.

She never looks over her shoulder at him anymore. She can not bring herself to look back at him.

But at least she no longer lies to Michael. She no longer tells him "Mommy will be back to take you home soon" or "Daddy will take care of us."

Now she just says, "Mommy will see you tomorrow."

AJ meets her on the stairs. For the last two months, all of the Quartermaines, including AJ, have been more civil to Carly than they had ever been when she was living with them. Carly assumes this is because they have what they want: Michael - without her.

AJ clears his throat and nods to her, "How are you, Carly?"

She scoffs at him, "Still living in one room. Still cleaning tables at Luke's. I haven't struck it rich in the last 24 hours."

He sighs, "I asked how you were, not about your bank statement."

"Like you care," Carly laughs, then tries to make her way past him.

He blocks her way, "You know, Carly, despite everything you've done to me? Despite the way things ended between us? I do care about you. You're Michael's mother, and you'll always be in my life because of that."

Carly rolls her eyes. 'Michael's mother.' She begins to wonder if that is her total worth in the world. Does no one care about me outside of what I mean to Michael?? She blinks slowly, remembering that even Jason used to refer to her that way. Finally, she shakes her head in resignation and meets his sad eyes, "Yeah, well, I'm fine, okay? No need to worry about Michael's mommy."

He studies her seriously for a moment, "You know, I remember you, Carly. I remember when we were friends. You had a great job you were good at." He looks at her pointedly, then adds, "I know there's more to you than Michael. Or Jason."

His words surprise her and make her incredibly sad. AJ, of all people, reminds her of what she used to be. Reminds her of what she used to have. She looks at him differently. Her eyes soften. She wonders if she could make a life with AJ work. Especially now that Jason is gone.

He's not a bad guy, she tells herself.

AJ can immediately sense what is going through her mind. He says simply, taking her off the track, "I care about what happens to you, Carly. But I'm never going there with you again."

***************

Carly is heading home from the Quartermaines. As always when she leaves her son behind, she is feeling empty and morose. Only the pain of this visit is compounded with the complete rejection of her by AJ.

AJ, Carly thinks to herself in sickened disbelief.

AJ had always been the one she could get to, use, dupe. He had been the one person on the planet that Carly believed would always want her. Or who she could always get to want her. No matter what. Despite the fact that he should know better.

And now he finally does know better.

She does not look forward to returning to the empty brownstone this evening. Bobbie is at work at the hospital. Lucas is at a sleepover. Carly looks down at the watch she's just bought to check the time. A Timex, Carly grimaces, almost missing the time for the disgust she feels toward the timekeeper.

It is seven o'clock. Too early to go to bed. She knows she would not sleep tonight anyway, regardless of the hour. She is so numb, outside and in, that she has the need to feel something. Anything.

Making up her mind, she pulls her jacket tighter around her, then switches direction and heads downtown.

Nothing to lose anymore...

*************

Jake's is the same as it always is. It smells of beer, nuts, and sweat; a hint of old sex thrown in for good measure. Or bad measure, depending on point of view. The crowd is the same. And, surprisingly, there is a crowd. More people than at Luke's on a Wednesday night.

Her eyes sourly take in individuals. These are the kind of people Carly believed she'd put behind her once she'd become a Quartermaine and set her grand plan into motion.

But here she is. Among them again. A bottomfeeder. Birds of a feather.

She parks herself at the bar and waits for the bartender to notice her.

I used to be noticed all the time, she tells herself, before Michael.

She looks around at the men in the bar. A few look at her with little more than benign curiosity. Others pay no attention to her at all.

She fluffs her hair and slips out of her jacket. She smooths her long-sleeve T-shirt pointedly over her breasts, drawing a few glances, to which she smiles slightly in return.

The bartender finally deigns to make his way down to her and she orders a beer. He brings the bottle to her, open, and starts to walk away. She has to ask for a glass.

She pours the beer into the icy mug, expertly minimizing the foam. Then she takes a sip of the bitter liquid, savoring the sting it causes as it travels down her dry throat.

She wishes she could turn back the clock. Four years. Tony. Two years. AJ. Three weeks. Sonny.

Everyone but Jason....

After a pause, she adds shamefully, And Michael.

She sighs heavily and closes her eyes.

She wishes for a lot of things that will never happen.

Clean up my own mess, Carly laughs out loud when she thinks of Luke's words, I barely know how to use a damn broom.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

Carly is pulled back into the present with the stranger's words over her shoulder. She turns to look at the source of the voice. He is a young man, probably barely 21. He has dark brown, wavy hair swirling gently past his jawline. His eyes are the color of amber dotted with green. He smiles at her, baring a set of slightly crooked white teeth.

Not bad. Carly shifts a bit in her seat, "Sure."

***************

"Gee, this is a great place to take a friend to eat..." Hannah says as she walks uncomfortably into Jake's.

Taggert laughs, leading her to an empty table, "You know this place well, right? Didn't you steal money from the owner?"

She grins and rolls her eyes, "I paid her back too. Okay, Detective?"

They take their seats at the table, Hannah still nervous. She is convinced that everyone in the place is staring at her, that everyone knows what she did to Sonny. What she tried to do to Sonny.

"How's the coursework going?" Taggert asks her, knowing by her eyes where her mind has gone and trying to get her to think of something else.

Hannah avoids looking up at the waitress as the woman leaves a bowl of pretzels on their table and takes their orders. Then, once Hannah and Taggert are alone again, she answers, "It's going great. I went through a lot of this at Quantico though. I can't believe I have to go through it again..." She runs a hand through her hair, then reaches for a pretzel.

Taggert looks at her. He can not believe that she'd allowed a thug like Sonny Corinthos to ruin her career with the FBI. He takes a deep breath, "Well, pretty soon I'll be calling you 'Detective,' right?"

She gives him a small smile, "Keep your fingers crossed."

*********************

Benny sits at the dining room table, warily watching Sonny pace slowly back and forth.

"So they got nothing, right? It's all clean for us?" Sonny asks again, now nibbling on his thumb.

Benny nods, "Nothing, Sonny. The cops are chasing their tails."

Sonny looks at Benny, examining the man's face. Sonny can tell that Benny does not trust him. That Benny no longer has the same faith in Sonny's leadership abilities as he used to. Before Jason. And Sonny knows that there is a question on Benny's lips that the man is afraid to ask. Finally, he stops his pacing, turns to face his guest, and spits out, "What?"

Benny's eyes go down to his hands on the table. Then he clears his throat and meets Sonny's level gaze with his own. "Some people in the organization want to know when Jason is coming back."

"Some people?" Sonny repeats incredulously. It is almost laughable, Benny's weak screen. Sonny's eyes narrow and he approaches the table, his voice a venomous threat, "Are we having some trust problems?"

Benny tries to shrug the question off now, "No, no trust problems," knowing it was a mistake to attempt to voice his - and others' - concerns about Jason's absence and Sonny's capabilities. Sonny's recent reclusive and erratic behavior has remained hidden to all except those closest to him. But Benny knows that word spreads fast when weakness is felt. Benny continues carefully, "It's just that some people have only worked with Jason. He expanded quite a bit, and these people don't know you at all. They only know what they've heard about you."

Sonny rubs his chin with a hand, "And what have they heard about me, Benny?"

Benny stops himself from speaking. It feels as though Sonny is a rubber band stretched to its capacity. A rubber band ready to either snap back and hit him, or break apart suddenly and become lifeless.

After a silence, Sonny sighs, "Anything else for me tonight?"

Benny shakes his head, realizing that the one question to which he really needs an answer, was never answered. "Nothing else."

Sonny waves a hand in dismissal and Benny leaves the penthouse without another word.

Almost as soon as Benny is gone, Johnny knocks, sticks his head inside, and calls to Sonny, "Your father's here again."

Sonny's face contorts. He closes his eyes and rubs them with his thumb and forefinger. He does not want to see Mike, and he's been successfully avoiding the man for months. He knows he can not put it off forever.

He nods his head to Johnny and takes a deep breath, readying himself for a visit from the last person on earth who seems to care about him.

Mike barrels into the penthouse, relieved and a little frightened at finally being able to see his son.

What Mike sees pains him. Sonny's skin is pale and wan. His eyes are tired, as if he has not been getting enough sleep. "Sonny," Mike breathes, slowly approaching his son.

"What do you want, Mike?" Sonny asks softly from the side of his mouth, avoiding Mike's probing eyes.

Mike's brow furls, his tone is anxious, "What's going on? I haven't seen Jason around...?"

Sonny smiles, shaking his head, "So you're here about Jason?"

"No," Mike answers immediately, "I'm here about you! But Jason is the one person I know who will look out for you..."

Sonny's face is pained.

Mike goes on, "...and it makes me nervous when I don't see him around."

Sonny says nothing.

"What happened?? Is Jason...?" Mike swallows hard, watching Sonny's face and only getting more concerned, "Is he...? Has something happened to Jason, Sonny??"

"He's fine as far as I know, Mike," Sonny spits out. Then he shrugs, "He's just not here anymore. He's left town."

Mike is even more confused now. At least he could understand if Jason were injured or killed. But just left town? Mike can not believe that Jason would ever leave Sonny's side willingly. "Why??" Mike brings himself to ask.

Sonny lets out a breath, wracking his brain for something to say. Other than the truth, of course. He left because I screwed the woman he loved just does not sound right in Sonny's mind. "He left for personal reasons."

Mike is left even more addled by Sonny's statement. "Personal reasons? Jason doesn't have a personal life outside of you anymore...not since giving up Michael!"

Sonny shrugs, "He's gone, Mike. What's the difference why?"

Mike sees that he will get no further information from Sonny about Jason, so he moves back to his first concern, "Well, how are you doing without him, Sonny?"

The question makes Sonny inexplicably angry. He snaps, "I lived for 30 years without Jason being my babysitter! You don't think I can survive without him now??"

Mike recoils at Sonny's feral response. He questions quietly, "Something happened. Something happened between you and Jason, didn't it?"

Sonny tilts his head and sniffs, still looking away from his father. "If it did, it's none of your business, Mike."

Mike says nothing. He just looks at his son hard, trying to determine what could have possibly come between Sonny and his best friend. Knowing generally about what has happened the last few months, Mike is guarded, "Was it about Hannah??"

At the sound of her name, Sonny shuts down the little facility he'd been using to communicate with Mike. "Get out, Mike."

"Sonny, no," Mike starts to protest, closing the distance between them and reaching out to touch his untouchable son. He manages to place his shaking hand on Sonny's shoulder.

At Mike making physical contact, Sonny's face reflects the turmoil inside of his body. Sonny has not been touched, has not allowed himself to feel, has not allowed himself to make a real connection to another human being, for a long time now. He is quiet, "We have nothing more to say to each other, Mike. Get out. Now."

Mike can literally feel his grown son's desperation in his hand. He does not know how to comfort Sonny. He never has. All he can say is, "I'm here if you need me, Sonny. I will always be here if you need me."

Sonny acknowledges the heartfelt statement with a brief nod, and then Mike slowly, regretfully makes his exit.

******to be continued*******