Honestly Love You Chapter 1 (Chadney/T.C/Eve/Julian etc.)
Posted by caroline crane
 

T.C. eased the shed door open in the darkness and stepped inside, inhaling sharply at the scent of jasmine. He turned on the growlight he'd installed specifically to keep his jasmine plants thriving, and they'd been in full bloom for almost two weeks now. He closed the door behind him and clicked the lock back into place, glancing back toward the house once before he shut it out of his view completely. Inside his daughters and wife were sleeping peacefully, oblivious to the fact that his conscience had tormented him every night since the jasmine started blooming, drawing him out to the shed and his memories night after night. He breathed in sharply and choked on a sob as guilt wracked his body - guilt over keeping this secret from his wife all these years, guilt for not being completely devoted to his family, and a stronger, darker guilt, the guilt that lured him out here night after night, to relive a nightmare that existed only in his mind.

He glanced up at the shelves lining one wall of the shed, shelves intended to hold the tools of the house's original owner. When he and Eve bought the house he'd put his tools in the shed, but as the years went by and his past began to torment him more, he'd slowly begun to build a shrine piece by piece. At first he'd tortured himself by dragging out all his old tennis trophies, finding space for them among the hammers and screwdrivers. Eventually he found that he was crowding out his tool space with memorabilia from his life before Eve and he gave in to the temptation to wallow in the painful memories that he'd worked for years to forget, allowing the old bitterness to eat away at him once more. By the time he met and befriended Sam and Grace, he'd fallen so far back into his hatred of the Cranes that he was only too eager to commiserate with Sam about the evils of the entire Crane clan.

Finding out that Sam had once loved Ivy Crane had been a blow to T.C. - he reminded himself every time he thought about it that at the time she wasn't a Crane, she was only Ivy Winthrop, the governor's daughter. Still, the thought of Ivy sneaking around, trying to sink her claws back into Sam and break up his happy marriage with a good woman who loved him more than anything…that thought had begun to eat away at him the same way his past with Julian ate away at him. He still remembered the blow that had ended his tennis career, some coward with a no doubt fat paycheck from the Cranes determined to wipe out Julian's competition for the Regional Tennis Championship.

T.C. squeezed his eyes shut hard against the memory, telling himself that he wouldn't cry. He told himself the same thing every night; most nights his anger won out and he could channel the hot tears stinging at the corners of his eyes into a boiling rage that spilled out in a fury of destruction. Later he'd spend the early hours of the morning meticulously setting right everything he'd knocked over or thrown in his rage, punishing himself for losing control by forcing himself to stay awake and dwell on the past as he cleaned up the mess he'd made.

Every once in awhile, however, he'd have a particularly bad night, or an especially vivid memory of her, brought on by the sweet scent of jasmine in the darkness, and he'd let the tears spill over, crying for the waste her life had been and the way he'd tried and failed to help her out of the prison she was locked in. On those nights he just sat back in his old wooden chair and let the pain wash over him, helpless to stop the constant barrage of memories. He'd picture her bright blue eyes, so sharp and clear, so much like her daughter's. Every time he saw her daughter in town he'd have to turn away and fight against the memory the mere sight of her invoked. He remembered the scent of jasmine that she always wore, and how it lingered on his pillow when she slipped out in the early morning hours so she could sneak home, her absence unnoticed. He remembered the gentle way she'd cry as she talked about her husband and the way he treated her, and the feeling of her arms wrapped around him as he mourned the loss of his tennis career.

He let out a deep breath and pushed the thought of her to the back of his mind, focusing on his intense hatred for Julian Crane. He let the anger take over, refusing to succumb to the memory of the woman he'd let down twenty years ago. As he focused on Julian and dug his fingernails into palms the tears began to subside and he breathed out. He felt his heart rate begin to return to normal and he cleared his mind of everything, focusing completely on each breath. Finally he was able to stand up without feeling lightheaded. Tiny fingers of light began to appear around the drawn curtains, signaling that soon his family would be awake. He sighed and rubbed his face with his strong hands before switching off the growlight and letting himself out of the shed, turning back to the house with a heavy heart.

~

"Hey, Chad," Simone said, her heart skipping a beat as she approached the counter at the Book Café.

"Yo, Simone, what's up?" Chad greeted her as he wiped off the counter.

"I'm meeting Kay," Simone answered, smiling at the back of his head as he turned away to change the CD. "Do you want to take a break and sit with us for awhile?"

"Sorry, can't. I'm the only one here this afternoon, Lynn bailed on me at the last minute. So I gotta man the counter."

"Oh." She didn't bother to disguise the disappointment in her voice, her lip jutting out in a frustrated pout. "Well, I'll talk to you later, then."

"Okay, see ya." He glanced up at her as she walked away and smiled - he was flattered that she had a crush on him, but he didn't want to do anything to encourage her. After all, he was in love with her sister, even if Whitney refused to admit that she had feelings for him too. He had no idea why he had feelings for Whitney, she barely even acknowledged his existence, and when she did it was only to make him feel like he wasn't good enough to talk to her. He glanced at Simone again and wondered how the two of them could have been raised in the same house - they were as different as night and day. As open and outgoing as Simone was, Whitney was equally frightened and insecure.

Finally Chad sighed and turned back to his job. Maybe it was time to leave town and head to New York City - he'd come here to find his parents, but so far every lead he'd gotten had led him to a dead end. When Crystal died all his hopes had died with her, and he didn't know where else to turn for answers. The only thing keeping him here now was Whitney, and she obviously didn't care if he stayed or not. Sometimes he thought she'd prefer it if he left and never looked back.

The door of the Book Café opened suddenly, letting in a blast of cold air. Chad turned as the wind hit him and came face to face with Eve and T.C. Russell. He thanked his good luck that he'd been too busy to humor Simone by hanging out with her while she waited for Kay - the look Eve gave him just because he was alive and breathing was enough to make him want to stay away from both her daughters. Sometimes he caught himself thinking that she had a right to want to keep him away from Whitney and Simone; after all, he was a drifter of sorts, and although he had dreams for his future she had no way of knowing that he was sincere.

Just as quickly as the thought surfaced her reminded himself that she didn't know him at all, and instead of getting to know him she'd been looking down her rich nose at him since they first crossed paths. Still, something about her made it impossible for him to hate her. Maybe it was the vulnerability she'd showed when he'd caught her listening to that sad blues song months ago, or maybe it was the way she protected her daughters so fiercely. It was obvious she loved them both very much, and deep down he knew that that was all he'd ever wanted from his own mother. "But now I'll probably never know," he reminded himself, squaring his shoulders and forcing himself not to think about it. The last thing he needed was to fall apart at work, in front of most of the Russell family.

"Hey, Chad, how's it going?" T.C. asked as he walked toward the counter to order coffee for himself and Eve.

"Can't complain, Mr. Russell, how 'bout you?" Chad answered, only half-listening as T.C. answered. His eyes were still fixed on Eve as she got that far-off look in her eyes.
"Give me a latte for my wife, and I'll take a coffee of the day," T.C. ordered, jolting Chad back to the job at hand.

"Sure thing, Coach. Coming right up."

T.C. smiled and turned to walk back to his wife. He was a few steps away from their table when he thought better of it and turned back toward Chad. "Say, Chad, the school didn't make as many budget cuts to the athletics program as they were threatening. So I could still use an assistant if you're interested in coming back to work for me."

Chad pondered the thought of working at the high school again. The main reason he'd kept working there was because he couldn't resist any opportunity to run into Whitney, but now that she'd graduated… "Thanks, Coach, but I'm not sure I'm going to be in town much longer."

"Really?" T.C. asked, arching his eyebrows in surprise. "Thinking about moving on?"

"Yeah, I'm kicking the idea around," Chad admitted, his gaze wandering over T.C. shoulder to fall on Eve again. "But I haven't really decided yet."

"Well, let me know. The job's yours if you want it."

"Thanks, Coach," Chad repeated, staring after T.C. as he returned to his wife, leaning over to kiss her cheek as he slid into the seat next to her. Every time he saw them together Chad wondered what it would have been like to grow up in a normal, middle class family. His heart ached every time he saw T.C. and Eve together, and he wondered if he'd ever experience anything like that. "Don't be a fool," he muttered to himself. "Your life didn't play out like that, end of story. So quit wishing for something that ain't gonna happen and move on." He stole one more glance at T.C. and Eve, steeling his heart against the emotion that welled up inside him, and told himself that it was definitely time to move on.