Life As It Should Be: Chapter 10
Saturday, 25-Nov-00 01:24:44

4.54.20.175 writes:
Chapter 10


2 weeks later

Caroline was tired of being under the microscope. This past week had been the most frustrating. Helena had visited her thrice, coming to Wydemere once to make sure that the house was in good shape. Twice to suggest Stefan make some renovations. Yeah right. Helena Cassadine concerned about the state of an estate she disliked staying at? A place where her ‘rut’ of a son lived? Not bloody likely. She was trying to keep a close eye on her just like everybody else. They were all waiting for her to do something. Stefan was spending a lot of time in the estate, letting all the business to come to him. Simply because she had been spending most of her time at Wyndemere. So he wanted to stay next to her. Nikolas was being funny, chirpy, all understanding. The perfect little brother. It was driving her crazy! They were all driving her crazy. Why couldn’t they just realize that she was going to be fine? She was not going to crack. She was just fine! She shouted in her head.

She had left Wyndemere to take a little walk on the main land. She needed to get away. Granted she was still under watch, Jonas was a couple of feet behind her. He had two more men with him. But she was not that bothered by that. They would have been there whether they believed she was about to lose it or not. What with the constant threats from the Cassadine enemies and there were many of those.

It was six p.m. Not too many people around which was a good thing. She walked into the park. She slowed to a stroll as she got into the park her hands tucked in her pocket of her jacket. The place was basically deserted except for a couple of people who were gathering their things in order to leave. She didn’t pay attention to them instead she thought about the note she had in her pocket. She touched the folded piece of paper in her pocket and let out a small breath looking up towards the sky.

" Anything interesting up there?" A voice mocked from behind her. She snapped her head back and around to find Sonny standing there his head tilted to one side mockingly. Caroline glanced behind him to find a quiet Johnny standing a couple of feet away.

" He is not here," Sonny snapped when he saw her look over her shoulder.

" Too bad." She said shortly, before turning to walk away. He snorted and fell in step next to her.

" You know Jason is never going to leave her for you," he stated. Walking beside her.

" Hmm. You tell the future Mr. Corinthos?" she looked sideways at him in cool amusement.
" Nope. But I know Jason and he loves Robin. Those two are forever Caroline. No matter what he feels for you," Sonny shrugged with a cool warning look.

She turned her head to the side facing him. She took in his attire. He was dressed in a black suit, armani? Hmm he had good taste. The blue silk shirt he wore underneath had the top button opened revealing some of the tan skin underneath. She looked back at his face finding those dark eyes watching her.

" You like what you see?" he raised a brow in dark amusement.

" They are nice clothes," she commented shrugging non-chalantly. He let out a small laugh.
" Yours are not so bad either," he nodded towards her. Looking from her white silk shirt to the slim fitting leather pants that she wore.

" Still admiring what you can’t get?" she sneered. Sonny sneered back.

" Oh no Ms. Cassadine that is your job,"

"Uh, don’t challenge me Mr. Corinthos. I am a sucker for dares. And I always win." She narrowed her eyes.

" He is an amusement to you, you don’t care about him. Only for what he can give you. Jason does not need a self-serving selfish person like you. He--" He snapped. Caroline sighed.

" Needs Robin," she finished for him. She shook her head "You know this is growing tiresome. I don’t know why my business has become yours. But I do know that it is MY business. At the moment I have other things I would rather be doing, than talking to a misguided mobster. So if you will excuse me," she spun to go the other way she had barely taken two steps when her feet were snatched from under her. Something had barreled into her legs and she fell painfully to the ground.

" WHAT THE!" She yelled sitting up from her position. Sonny rushed over to her side to help her up. Caroline looked up to see the cause of her fall. She stared into the curious eyes of what could have been a four-year-old. She closed her mouth and stared at the miniature human being standing next to her. She felt her heart go into her throat when she saw his curious blue eyes. She swallowed and narrowed her eyes instinctively in self-defense…. From the feelings rushing in her. The child stepped back from her look. Placing his finger into his mouth his eyes beginning to look watery. She didn’t notice the wariness in his eyes nor the glint of tears. Instead she concentrated on collecting her self, both inside and physically. Sonny helped her up frowning at the way that she was glaring at the young boy. Once on her feet she turned to look at her pants. Using an excuse not to look at he child who looked close to tears now. A woman came running forward.

" I am so sorry. Jared runs off sometimes," the woman smiled apologetically grabbing her son up. " Mama!" the kid called out in what was obvious relief. Caroline watched as the child lifted up his hands in the air. A gesture that he wanted to be carried. She watched the woman take that sweet bundle into her arms and she felt her mouth go dry. Her eyes felt itchy, she narrowed them in an order to force back the tears before they emerged.

" You should watch him closely. He should not be running around bumping into strangers," Caroline stated dryly. The woman looked at her, at her unconsciously fierce expression. And nodded slowly. " Sorry," she muttered before marching off with her son.

Sonny watched all this with disgust. " Don’t they teach you cordiality in Cassadine school? Or do you just hate children," How could anyone be so cold to a little sweet child like that. She had been glaring at the little boy for goodness sake.

" What the hell are you talking about," Caroline glared at him. Sonny glared back.

" The kid was what? three years old? You couldn’t smile at him and accept the woman’s apology? Instead you made him almost burst into tears?!" he looked at her incredulously. How could she be so cold? He felt disappointment, for what he was not sure. He had called it after all right? She was a selfish bitch.


Caroline watched mother and child walk away in the corner of her eye. Her eyes were beginning to sting. " Whatever, I need to…" the rest was under her breath so he never caught it. She waved him off and began walking hurriedly away from the park. " Come on Jonas," she pointed to the guard.

Sonny watched her in disbelief. He shook his head and headed for the warehouse.

Caroline turned to Jonas to mutter. " Get the limo. I think I want to go for a ride," she said under her breath and he nodded calling for the car.

Five hours later

Jonas sat in the front of the limo keeping an eye on Caroline Cassadine. They had been driving around for the past hour. Stopping only once so that he could run in to the store and get her two large bottles of their most expensive champagne. The longer they drove around the more the frown on his face deepened.

Caroline felt the alcohol begin to take effect. She looked at her coat then reached into the pocket. She pulled out the note.

Ms. Cassadine,

Your sailboat the Iris is now docked at the port-charles docks as requested.


She raised her glass and took a large sip before pressing the button next to her.
" Jonas, the docks, we are going to take a little boat ride" she ordered. And then sat back. She was ready. She was ready for this. She could handle this. It was just a boat. She would be fine. It had been a while. And she was much better now.


The moment Jonas heard those words he knew that they were in for a long night. This is what he had been waiting for all day. For her to go to the boat for the first time for over a year. The note had come yesterday the longer it took her to check the boat out the more he had worried. They had all been hoping she would get it over with yesterday but... he sighed…He could only cross his fingers

" Yes ma’am," he nodded to the driver and they drove to the docks.

Docks


Sonny put on his coat as he walked out of the warehouse. Johnny was a couple of steps behind him. Francis was holding the limo door open when another limo pulled up next to them. He has one foot inside the car when he saw who came out. He paused for a second with a frown.


Caroline did not see him. Instead she focused on the warehouse before her. She had decided that if she was going to party on her boat she might as well have some company. She straightened up two flutes on her left hand and the half-empty bottle in her right. She took a breath to clear her slightly hazy head and strode forward. Her stride surprisingly steady considering she had had a lot to drink and she was wearing a pair of daring stiletto sandals.

Sonny frowned when he saw her headed to his warehouse. " I’ll be back," he nodded at Francis before following her. He came up behind her ignoring the frowning guard next to her. He spun her around to face him. She stumbled a little and he brought his other hand quickly to hold her steady. He looked down at the bottle in her hand.

" Where are you going?"
" To pick up Jason off course. We are going to go to my boat and have a little party!" she waved held up the bottle before him.

" Jason is away on business." He informed her sharply crossing his arms before him. Caroline let out a small laugh.
" Is he really? Or are you just jealous hmm?" she raised a mocking brow tilting her head slightly.
" He is not here," Sonny said sniffing the air. " You are drunk." He pointed out tartly.
Caroline stepped bring the hand that held the bottle to her chest.
" Reeeeally I wonder how that happened " she mocked with a surprised look.

" You should go home. You shouldn’t be running around the docks drunk." he frowned noticing the dread behind those smiling eyes. Dread? What was she dreading?

" Nope I am not going home. I am going to go to my boat. Since you obviously won’t let me go get Jason," she stated firmly.

" Why are you going out on your boat this late anyway?" he demanded. He couldn’t put his finger on it but something was obviously off with her. And he didn’t think she should be out in her state. From the look on that Jonas guy’s face he didn’t approve either.

" I am going to celebrate." She shrugged with a smile that did not reach her eyes. She turned to walk towards where the personal boats were docked. She was five feet from him when she turned to him. Waving the tow flutes towards him." Join me if you are so ‘concerned’" she smiled. And began to walk to her boat.

He was going to decline but her eyes held a plea that he could not discern. He waved towards Francis and Johnny. Signaling them that he would be back. And then followed her. He caught up with her just as she was getting on the boat. She said something to a short man who was standing on the deck then turned around towards him.

" So you are coming are you?" she laughed. She gave the captain a signal and he nodded. Moving to get them away from the docks

" I can’t very well let a drunk woman go out into the sea alone now can I?" he shrugged looking around the vessel. Caroline didn’t bother pointing out that it was Jonas’ job to watch her. She wanted some company besides the guard.
Sonny took in the vessel. She was a magnificent boat. On the large side, but sleek. The sails were rather large, obviously meant to be managed by a group of people.

" She’s beautiful boat," he commented joining her where she sat. She filled up a flute and passed it to him then filled her own.

" Yes she is." She said in a small whisper. " Magnificent," she took a large sip. He took a sip of his own. A couple of minutes passed in which he tried to figure out what the hell he was doing there. Just cause he thought he saw a look? He looked over at her again and saw that she was looking around the boat. Taking it in. If he didn’t know better he would have thought there was sheen of tears in her eyes. He cleared his throat.

" The Iris? That is an interesting name. Do you go out a lot in this boat?" He asked breaking the silence. They were well away from the docks now. Caroline sucked in a quick breath. Sonny frowned at her. " Are you okay?" he turned fully towards her.

" Just dandy." She laughed dryly. " This was my husband’s race boat," she answered taking another huge sip.

" Husband? You were married?" he asked in surprise. He had not been aware she had been married. Why was she calling herself Ms. Cassadine?

" Yes. He is the one, who named it ‘The Iris’ against my wishes of course," she let out another dry laugh. Sonny cleared his throat.

" Why didn’t you want it to be named the Iris?" he asked curiously.

" Cause it’s my name and I hate it," she took another sip.
" Your name is Iris?" he couldn’t help but smile. She rolled her eyes at his grin.

" Yes. My father was in a euphoric mood or something when he named me," she smiled weakly. " I never use it. It sounds so flowery, and arrgh, it’s just not me," she added refilling her glass.

" I can see that," he joked. She nodded. Her eyes darkening as she thought.

" Ian loved it, though. He would call me ‘ his Iris’. It would drive me nuts… but at the same time I loved it. It was special coming from him though, you know?" she asked even though she didn’t really wait for him to nod or agree instead she took another sip. Sonny watched her as she drained yet another glass of champagne. He was still on his first glass. And he wasn’t planning on changing that, especially at the rate she was going.

" So what is the special occasion?" he asked quietly not touching his drink. Caroline looked up to the open sky gazing at the stars.

" My husband’s death" she whispered dryly. Her heart clenched in her chest. Sonny gaped at her, in shock and confusion. She obviously was not happy. So why would she celebrate? She glanced quickly at him and saw his expression. She smiled even though it never reached her sad pain filled eyes.

" He died this same day two years ago. The shrink said that instead of mourning I should celebrate the good things on this day." She forced a laugh even as the tears filled her eyes. " So that is what I am doing. I am celebrating the good things, following doctors orders!" she sniffed.

Sonny watched her. He was in shock. If anyone had told him that Caroline Cassadine even had tears he would have scoffed. She was always calm and collected or just pissed off, mad. Not crying not hinting any emotional attachments to anything. She was a Cassadine no one expected it from them. Seeing her like this stumped him. He didn’t know what to do. He could see the pain she was in but there was nothing he could think of doing. So instead he touched her arm comfortingly and decided to let her talk. It usually helped to let it out he rationalized.

" Why the boat?" he asked quietly, his eyes searching but not prying or prodding. Just understanding.

" Ian died on this boat," she took another long sip this time swallowing not only the alcohol but her tears as well. Sonny’s look of surprise held its place. He wanted to ask her what she meant, if she meant it literally. But he kept his mouth shut and let her go on.

" It was in a race. Ian loved racing. He loved to win. But that year, I had that feeling… that something wasn’t right. Ian thought it was just nerves, or that I was picking up some of the Irish paranoia. They were getting to the finish line and the other boat next to his…’The piper’ it crushed on to the side and he fell over. He hit his head on the other boat. I was watching him… you know and I could almost hear it. His skull hitting against the side of that boat. " She sniffed the tears now running down her face.
"I ran… I ran as fast as my feet could carry me, but even then I knew he was gone," she trailed off. Remembering it like it was yesterday. When they dragged his limp body from the water. The blood that had covered the side of his head. She remembered him smiling up at her as she hovered above him. ..

…They had been in the emergency helicopter.. she was holding his hand wishing him to wake up. Willing him to look up at her. To open his eyes and look at her. She could feel him slipping away and she knew he wasn’t going to retrace his steps he was not coming back. " Ian please…" she begged anyway…tears running down her face. And she watched those eyes flicker open… even though she was glad to see them open she cried out in denial when she saw what was in his eyes. He had a weak smile on his face…" My Iris…" and his eyes just stared at her face.." My Iris…" he said again… she heard the beeping in the background.. the yelling of the paramedic but she didn’t need them to tell her. He never closed his eyes. It was as if he had wanted to have her imbedded in his memory…even as he left her…


She sniffed again. Sonny reached over handing her his handkerchief. He wanted to hold her. But it was as if she was in a world of her own. He brushed the hair away from her face gently. " I am so sorry," he empathized. Caroline came out of it and took the cloth he held out to her. She wiped her face.

" Oh you shouldn’t be. My grandmother and Stefan took good care of the Piper crew," she laughed dryly. " Sleeping with the sharks, I believe that is the term in your line of work"

She looked at him. He could see that to her, her family’s gesture was no where near enough."

" With the fishes," he corrected in an attempt to try and lighten the mood. She laughed softly the tears still in her eyes.

" Your right fishes…but I am sure Helena managed to find Shark infested waters for the occasion,"

" I don’t doubt it," he gave her a careful smile. She patted his thigh. " Drink up, we are celebrating remember," she sniffed again. He nodded. And took a small sip from his flute.
" Ian and I had some good times on this boat …he proposed to me on this boat you know," she sniffed again taking another sip of her drink. " He had just bought her and he was showing her off. Trying to impress me," she laughed softly. " He proposed to me and then threw me into the water"

Sonny looked at her questioningly and she explained "…he had been trying to make me go swimming with him and I didn’t want to. So he eventually threw me in before joining me," she remembered fondly.

" Sounds like you had a good time together," he smiled at her. She nodded. " Yes we did. I told him I was pregnant on this boat." She added.

…" Here is the bubbly darling drink up." Ian handed her the glass. She looked at it and shook her head " No thanks, I don’t feel like having any," Ian frowned at her. "What do you mean? It’s a celebration. We just won the championship. We have to toast to it," he insisted giving her the glass. " IAN I don’ t want any of that" she snapped.
" Why not?" he challenged. Now ignoring the rest of the crew that was waiting for the toast to be called out. " I just don’t want any. Now will you make the toast already? Everyone is waiting," she said through clenched teeth.
" What is the point of making a toast if your wife won’t drink to it too?" he demanded. She was about to snap back at him when she noticed the glint in his eye. Why that…!
She smiled charmingly " In that case," and took the glass from his hand raising it to her lips. Before she could put it to her lips he snatched it away from her. " I don’t think so" he put it out of reach quickly a frown on his face
" You know!" she accused. He had just wanted her to admit it. He looked at her sheepily." Why you!" she started in on him but he laughed and took her lips with his. When he pulled back he lifted her in the air. " I am going to be a father!!" he yelled to the crew that was now cheering…


Sonny looked down to her stomach instinctively even though he knew it was flat. She had been pregnant? Where was the baby?

She saw him glance at her stomach. She touched her flat stomach. " In two and half weeks I will be celebrating the life of my daughter. Though she was never even born. So what should I be celebrating?" she asked him with angry pain filled eyes. "Other people at least get to hold their children but me.. I never even had that" she let out angrily. Sonny didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything he could say. This explained her reaction to the child in the park he thought. He had lost a child as well as Lily. He had an inkling of how she felt. But he was sure he didn’t really come close, he had been in love with another woman when he was married to Lily. He had not even been the one to carry the unborn child. No he couldn’t really compare his pain with hers.

" You know the sea is a curse for us Cassadines. That is what I have come to believe. All the great tragedies in my life have been because of the damn sea," she tossed her glass down and stumbled to stand next to the railing. Sonny was about to stand and make sure she was okay, but saw her regain her balance and stayed where he was. Rubbing his face as he watched her.

Caroline looked out into the dark sea all around them...all around her. It seemed to call to her. She watched the still dark waters, deceivingly calm and harmless. But she knew better, the sea was a treacherous bitch. She could love you one moment and hate you the next. She hated the Cassadines.

" Did you know that my grandfather Mikkos died in the sea?’ she turned to him for a moment to see him shake his head.
She turned back to look at the water. " He went out when the water was all calm…but he got caught up in the storm. They found him dead in a lifeboat floating around. The next day. He had been dead for 10 hours they said. Then there is my father’s ‘tragedy’. He went out with his wife… you know her…Laura?" she paused to look at him for affirmation. Her eyes had a wild look that made him uncomfortable. He nodded slowly listening to her intently.

"They went out for a little outing…around the Island. It was a calm day…but once they got out there…the seas got rough. He got tossed over board …but with our sea luck there just happened to be a hungry shark near by. Laura had a spear gun right next to her. She saw the shark but she never did anything. Instead she drove the boat away…Leaving my father to the clutches of this bitchy sea," she glared into the water and then turned to him.

Sonny could see the anger in her. The rage. " They were accidents Caroline," he tried to sooth. But she let out a harsh laugh.

" Way to many ‘accidents’, my grandfather, my father, my husband... and even my daughter." She saw his questioning look and she let out a forced laugh " Oh did I forget to tell you I was on a stupid cruise to ‘ relax and recover’. A cruise with my therapist," she laughed angrily. " Once again sea turbulence. They say the stress and the fall I suffered during the storm, were the cause of the miscarriage. I know different. It is a curse!" she glared into the water. Before he could move she had raised herself to the other side of the rail. He rushed to wards her… but got here just as she let out a loud yell " It is me against you bitch!" and jumped in to the dark waters. Sonny called out her reaching out even though she had already gone into the water. He glanced around wildly trying to figure out where she had jumped. All the while he threw of his heavy coat so that it wouldn’t hinder him going over to the other side of the rail. He jumped into the water as well hoping that he was not going to be too late.


mikmi