The Rise of Caroline Spencer-Chapter 8
Nikolas Cassadine looked up from his book, and looked out the window as
he sat on the windowseat. Emily was downstairs getting them their
evening snack.
Evening snack.
It had become routine. If he wasn’t in class, or at the Brownstone, he
was with Emily.
He exhaled a big sigh.
It had been awhile, but, the truth still came and knocked the wind out
of him everytime he really thought about it.
He was Luke and Laura’s son.
Luke’s son.
But, what did that mean?
The moment he found out the truth, he ran. He had to run, because his
heart had been ripped out of his chest. Helena, with her venemous smile,
had taken from him the only thing in his life that remotely had meant
anything to him: being Stefan’s son. He thought he had missed having a
mother, and even though he had longed for Laura. He never realized just
how much a hole Helena’s words could rip through his soul.
He was Luke’s son....and Stefan KNEW about it.
Emily had once asked him if he hated Stefan because he had lied to him.
At the time, the benefit of being Stefan’s son..the joy it had brought
him, to belong to the man he loved more than anything else in the
world..well, that outweighed any outrage that he had felt towards the
man he had loved all his life.
Until the day that the will was read, and Helena said that he was not
the son of the man he loved most in this world...but, the son of the man
he hated most in this world.
He was Luke’s son.
What did that mean?
For now...it meant nothing. It had been months, and Luke had not even
approached him at all to discuss the situation.
When Lucky found him in Majorca, he didn’t even know why he came back.
Lucky Spencer - his brother, had asked him to come home...so, he did.
When they got back to Port Charles, he was in flux. He didn’t have a
home anymore. The cottage was all wrong..it had be purchased with
Cassadine Money. Wyndemere was out of the question... as was Laura’s. He
could never forget the look Laura gave him when Helena revealed the
truth. The look of shame as if Helena had uncovered her greatest secret.
And, in that one instant, nearly all the progress that he and Laura had
made was wiped out. He didn’t know why...he knew that Helena was cruel.
Vicious. Evil. That she had played God with his life. But, he also knew
that Helena had told the truth, when she accused Laura of leaving him
behind because he was unworthy. Helena had been right. He didn’t want to
admit it, but, it was the truth.
So, when he left Greece, he had left behind everything that he thought
he knew. But, what he lost the most, was the certainty that he always
known: that Stefan loved him above all else. He had known, if he was
honest, that he really didn’t trust Laura...after all, he would have to
be a fool to completely trust her.
But, Stefan?
How could he have ever doubted that? How could he doubt the one
consistency in his life. He thought his heart would explode with the
pain of knowing that Stefan had lied to him his entire life. That he had
used him, so that he could get another ‘chance’ with Laura. That all
this time, he could have had a family. A real family. He would have been
the oldest son in a family of three, with a mother AND a father, that
until very recently, were very happy.
Yet, he had nothing.
No Stefan. No Laura. No Luke. No Family.
All Nikolas had was, if he did a very quick inventory, was: Lucky, Lulu
and Emily.
Most days he didn’t know why he even got out of the bed.
When he returned to Port Charles, the easiest thing was where to stay:
Lucky’s Floor. He renounced the money that Helena had given him, and
even drove the Jaguar to the docks, telling Ralston where to pick it up.
He was on his own, and didn’t know what to do.
What could he do? He was only 18, but, thankfully, all the time with
computers really paid off for him. He got a job, with Emily’s help, in
the computer department at ELQ. They needed people to help get their
older employees up to date on modern technology, and he knew the work.
But, still, it had only been a part-time job. It was enough to convince
Jason that he could have the other apartment above the garage. It wasn’t
much, but, it was a place for him to be. And, Lucky was across the hall.
He had nearly completely moved into the apartment when the fire
happened. One of Moreno’s men torched the garage, and even though the
apartments were consumed with smoke and a little charred, he and Lucky
were entirely too stubborn to leave, and had fooled themselves into
thinking that it was OK. That is, until Bobbie showed up one day.
[[[[ FLASHBACK ]]]]
Lucky was on the bed, strumming his guitar and Nikolas was at the desk,
trying to solve the problem of the day from ELQ, when they heard a knock
on the door. Nikolas went to the door and opened it...
" Bobbie?"
" Yes. It’s me. May I come in?"
" Sure."
" I’m glad you’re both here, because what I have to say affects both of
you. I’m going to be blunt. The two of you aren’t listening to any
parent, so, I’m going to step in. This place is a dump. You had it as a
nicely fixed up dump, but, now it’s smokefilled, charred dump. You
should NOT be living here."
" Sorry, Aunt Bobbie. We like it here just fine."
" That’s bull, Lucky. No one would like it here. You like your
indepndence. Not having to answer to anyone. Calling your own shots,
which I think is ridiculous at 16. And, before you say anything, yes, I
know what I was doing at the age of 16, but, for God’s sake, Lucky, do
you really think that any of the parents involved here, want this for
you?
So, I’m here to offer you a compromise.
I want the two of you safe. I know, it’s not logical for Moreno to hit
the same target twice, but, the man’s a mobster, and ewxcuse me if I’m
not going to trust the future and safety of my nephews to him. I wanted
to respect your so-called ‘rights’ Lucky, but, now, I’m sorry I didn’t
but in sooner.
I want the two of you to move in with me..
And, before I hear the bellowing from the two of you, what I mean is
that I want the two of you to move into one of the apartments in the
Brownstone. I have one that was vacated when Simone Hardy left. It’s a
three bedroom place, which means t hat you each would have your own
room, plus a study space.
I’ve already talked to Jason, so I know how much the two of you are
spending in rent. I will charge you, for the price of this apartment,
what only one of you was paying Jason.
That includes utilities. Now, what do I expect in return?
One night of babysitting from you, and dinner with Lucas and me, twice a
week.
Nikolas, I know that you are without transportation. I have my second
car. It’s not a Jaguar, but, it will get you around. All you have to do
is put gas in the tank, and pay for insurance, and it is yours.
I also want to talk to you both about your futures. Your parents didn’t
sacrifice, so that you would become the equivalent of high-school grads.
You both have too much sense for that, which is why I brought you
these."
Bobbie hands each of them a catalog from Port Charles University.
" Don’t say anythying. Lucky, I checked. The guidance counselor from
your High School..well, her husband had a long terminal illness and we
got to know one another on her many visits to the hospital before he
died. She told me that, if you just took an extra course this term, you
could get out of high school. I think that’s what you want anyway, and
there’s no need to waste your brain like that.
Nikolas, I know the hell you’re going through right now. I may not have
experienced everything, but, it doesn’t mean that I don’t care and
sympathize with you, because I do. Helena took so much from you. I think
that you need to take one thing from her: your education. I know all
about Spencer pride...sometimes I think Luke and I c reated the missing
chapters of it. But, Spencers are also very practical people. And, being
practical, you have to know that an education is expensive. If for no
other reason that the woman made your life a living hell right now, you
need to use her. Spite her. Take enough money from Helena and put it up
for yours and Lucky’s educations..
Not a word, Lucky Spencer. Helena Cassadine used the Spencer
Family...and if something good can happen from it...so be it.
Nikolas, you are brilliant. Too brilliant not to be investing in your
future like that. You could start classes immediately, and decide later
about a career path.
I know both you young men. You’re staying here, by a bare thread. Well,
as your Aunt, and someone who has loved both of you from the moment that
I met you, I’m doing my best here to help you. But, you have to help
yourselves too.
There is a saying: Experience is the greatest teacher. But, nobody goes
to that school, but fools.
In case the moral escaped you....the translation is...don’t be idiots.
Take advice, especially when it’s good.
I’m going to step outside while you discuss this." Bobbie left and
Nikolas turned to Lucky.
" What do you think?"
" I think my.....our parents put her up to this. They want to keep an
eye on us."
" I don ‘t know, Lucky. She sounded very sincere. That plan was very
Bobbie-ish. Sure, she’d keep an eye on us...but, we would have our
privacy."
" Did you hear here demands?"
" Lucky...babysitting and dinner? In exchange, we get a place that’s
clean, smokefree and dry?"
" What about the PCU? You telling me that you go for that?"
" I have to say, I want to spit in the face of Helena, and that my pride
wants to just ‘ go it alone’. But, Lucky, I have to say it... public
transportation sucks. If that makes me weak, because I don’t like the
time restrictions of having to be on someone else’s clock, and having to
depend upon others time schedules as to how I get around, so be it.
What kind of jobs can we get without a college degree. Even if we were
enrolled in college, we would be paid more from ELQ to do what we
already do.
I don’t have to live like a millionaire and go to college. I can go
there, graduate school, and work in the meantime. You are smart, Lucky.
Not just a smartass, but, smart. And, there’s no limit to what you could
do if you got a degree...especially in computers or engineering or
something. You have a natural gift for it. And, what about your music,
Lucky? Do you want to be one of the statistics of the music business?
Creative people, with no business sense, who are cheated out of their
just rewards, because of their lack of education. You have enough common
sense for both of us, Lucky. But, I think you would be scary if you had
formal credentials also. "
" So, you’re going to do it? You’re going to use Helena’s money?"
Nikolas spoke with more certainty in his voice. " Yes, I am. I don’t
have anything in this world Lucky, except for you and Lesley Lu. And
Emily. But, the Quartermaines are wealthy and will take care of Emily.
I’m going to make sure that you and Lesley Lu will be able to arm
yourselves for a future."
" What if I don’t wanna be armed with that witches money?"
" Lucky...I know all about pride...but, let’s talk about love. You love
Elizabeth. She has talent. Real talent. But, she’s still an artist...and
they usually have to go through their ‘starving period’ before their
talent is noticed. If you got an education, the period wouldn’t be so
bleak. You don’t have to decide now...we can talk about it..But, we have
to let Bobbie know that we’re taking the apartment."
" Oh My God! Bobbie! She’s still out there." Lucky ran to the door, and
opened it to find Bobbie standing there, filing her nail.
" Well?"
" You sure you don’t mind having two teenagers underfoot?"
" I wouldn’t want you anywhere else." Bobbie took out 2 key chains and
gave one each and a kiss to Nikolas and Lucky. " It’s ready when you
are. Dinner tonight?"
Lucky was about to open his mouth when Nikolas spoke up.." We’ll be
there at 6 sharp."
After Bobbie leaves, Lucky turns to him.. " You see? She’s already in
our lives."
" You know what, Lucky? If you want to continue this argument, we can do
it at our new place. There’s nothing, outside of my clothes, that I want
to take. I’m going to drop off everything at the cleaners. I can get the
smoke smell out of them. Our furniture is smoky. Come on, Lucky. Be
practical. You can curse Helena on a bed that won’t make you start
coughing everytime you lay your head on a pillow. Frankly, I don’t even
want to hear the word smoke ever again."
Nikolas left a peturbed Lucky standing there. ]]]]]
The move had been uneventful. Nikolas had taken only his clothes, his
music and his pictures. Lucky, though miffed, had done the same. They
furnished the apartment quickly and cheaply. The move wasn’t bad, nor
were the conditions. Nikolas realized that the Brownstone was a terrific
solution. He was with his brother..and he renewed his closeness to
Lucas, who was very tentative at first...until they had a breakthrough
one night.
Lucas was sitting at the table coloring, when Nikolas came in.
" Hey. What are you doing?"
" Making a picture for Thunder."
" Thunder?"
" My horse."
" I didn’t know that you had a horse."
" There’s a lot that you don’t know about me. "
" I realize that. Your mom said that you didn’t want me to babysit
you...I was wondering why. I thought that the two of us used to have a
good time."
" We did. But, see, with the other babysitters, it’s easy. They only
want the money. Some pretend to like me. Others actually do. But, I know
they want the money. What do you want, Nikolas? Do you need the money?"
Nikolas was taken aback. " No, Lucas. I just want to spend time with
you."
" Why? You never did before."
" Lucas..we used to be friends."
" That is what I thought. But, I guess I thought you got sick like my
Daddy. One day he was in my life, and the next, he wasn’t. But, I think
he wants to be with me. You. You pretended to like me and then you
left."
" Nikolas, your mother and my...Stefan, well, they got divorced. "
" So. Did that mean that you were never supposed to talk to me. I know
what Mommy did made Uncle mad, but, I didn’t know that you were mad at
me too."
" Lucas, it wasn’t like that at all."
" YES IT WAS!" Lucas had tears in his eyes. " One day Mommy told me that
I had a brother. A BROTHER! And, there you were. We had so much fun
together. You would play with me. Take me to the mall. When I got scared
at Wyndemere, you let me climb into bed with you. You told me stories.
You played catch with me. I had been all alone when BJ died. Mommy and
Daddy tried, but, you can’t have fun like you can with a brother or
sister. I felt so safe with you. When you would take me places, I could
see the other kids noticed, because my big brother was you. Then we
left, and you didn’t remember me anymore. Not at Christmas. My birthday.
I even got sick and was in the hospital, but, you didn’t visit me. You
were just making fun of me. "
" Lucas..", Nikolas reached out to try and comfort him.
" I said, Go AWAY! Mommy will find a babysitter who isn’t a fake like
you!" Lucas gets up and runs upstairs to his room. Nikolas shook his
head and began to pick up the crayons Lucas had spilled in his hasty
departure.
" Well, he sure told us." Nikolas turned around to find Bobbie there.
" Bobbie..."
" When I told him that you were moving in, there was something about his
reaction that just didn’t sit right, and, now I know what it was. He was
very apathetic about you coming here, and I didn’t know why, until now.
Once again, MY choices have had a negative impact on my children."
" Bobbie.."
" No, Nikolas, don’t. You aren’t to blame for Lucas’ reaction today. I
am."
" I disagree Bobbie. What Lucas said was the absolute truth. I was
furious with you after my...Stefan threw you out. I thought that you had
betrayed us both. It was a kneejerk reaction. The Spencer who betrayed
the Cassadine. I believed you didn’t love me. That it had all been a
fake. That the first family I really ever had was a Luke Spencer setup,
and, I couldn’t trust any of it."
" Oh, Nikolas.."
" And, in my thirst to be right, I took it out on a little boy. I would
have killed anyone who would have thought of doing to Lesley Lu what I
did to Lucas. No wonder he doesn’t trust me, and can barely stand to
look at me. When he saw me in the park, once, with Robin, I guess that
was a visit, so he felt safe. But, with me living here, he’s waiting for
me to pull the plug on him again. Even after we explained that I was his
cousin, it didn’t change things. Today, he told me why. He thought of me
as his brother. And, I left him. Why would he remotely trust me as a
mere cousin? In my own selfishness, I hurt him. I didn’t realize how
much until now. And, I’m sorry for that, Bobbie. I was raised to be the
most important person in my own world. Raised to be a Prince, which of
course meant that I put myself first, and others second. "
" Nikolas...you are a child yourself. Oh, your birth certificate says
that you’re legal, but, there are so many things where you are just a
boy. No, the life that my son has, is my doing. I seem to repeat and
compound my mistakes with my children, though I love them to death. I
betrayed Stefan, Nikolas. If I had thought about it, instead of FEEL
things, maybe I wouldn’t have done what I did. I lost a friendship that
meant so much to me, you have no idea. You came into my life Nikolas
when I needed someone just like you. You were a gift for me, and the
love I gave an received between the two of us, was one of the best
things ever to come into my life.
I try not to live my life with regrets, Nikolas. But, I do regret losing
you, and losing you for Lucas. And, that, was my fault. Lucas needs to
be able to trust somethings. Ever since Tony went off the deep end, he
hasn’t been able to trust in anything really. Me. Maybe Jerry, who means
well, and is crazy about Lucas, but, I’m not so sure about their
relationship. And, his horse. THESE are the constants in Lucas’ life. I
think it’s pathetic. I want more for him. I do want you and Lucky to be
there for him. He really does need you. He needs someone who isn’t an
adult. He’s this small child, in a family full of adults, and he needs
guidance.. Maybe guidance is the wrong word. He needs you and Lucky the
same way that Lulu needs you. I realize now, Tony and I aren’t the only
ones who will always miss BJ. Lucas does too. With him being so young
when she died, I thought that she wouldn’t be this strong a shadow in
his life. But, she is. I hear him sometimes, with a few of BJ’s favorite
toys that he has. He talks to them, and she’s like his imaginary friend.
" Bobbie stops because she has tears in her eyes, and needs to compose
herself. Nikolas takes her hand.
" I know the world went crazy for you, Nikolas. It did for everyone
involved. But, I think everything that happens, does so for a reason,
and now you have an opportunity to build something new. I want you and
Lucky here. We’re family. We can look out for one another. We can love
one another. And, the more safe places that I can build for Lucas, you
and Lucky, the more accepting you will be of the changes in your life.
And, maybe, over time, you will be able to see fit to let Stefan back
into your life."
" STEFAN!", Nikolas says angrily, letting go of Bobbie’s hand and
jumping up from the table. " I don’t ever want to see the man, let alone
have him in my life!"
Nikolas walks over to the fireplace and stands there. Bobbie gets up and
goes over to him.
" Nikolas...no matter what, you won’t be able to cut Stefan off."
" You’re so wrong, Bobbie. Not only can I cut Stefan off, I have. The
man means nothing to me."
Bobbie turns Nikolas to face her. " No, you’re wrong. And, unless you
deal with it, you will never have a life that is yours. Ever."
" Bobbie, why do you care? What could you possibly see in encouraging me
to go back to Stefan? Why are you betraying Luke like this? "
" Betraying Luke? Good Lord, Nikolas, I’m trying to help YOU! Stefan and
Luke are grown men, set in their patterns and their lives and their
beliefs. You’re 18, and, I want for you to be the man I know you can be.
You’ve had a lot dumped on you now, and if you don’t deal with it, you
will mess up the rest of your life."
" My life IS messed up because of Stefan."
" You don’t believe that."
" Yes, I do."
" No. You don’t. You’re angry, and you’re living in the world of ‘what
if?’ What if I had been raised by Luke. What if Laura had come back for
me. What if Stefan had told the truth. Nikolas, I think he did tell the
truth."
" He admitted to Laura that he knew that Luke was alive."
" Yes, he did. But, he also admits to loving you."
" To use me as a tool to get Laura."
" No! Because, he loves you. You can’t fake the kind of devotion that
Stefan has towards you. You can’t Nikolas. It’s genuine. It’s real."
" It’s based on a complete lie."
" So? What if it is. If you try and erase it from your life, you are
cutting away the core of who you are, and you will NEVER be able to go
forth and build a life for yourself. By making peace with Stefan, you
will be making peace with yourself, and building for your future."
" Bobbie, why do you care? How can you remotely want me to forgive him?"
" I suppose I have sympathy for Stefan because I WAS HIM."
" No. You would never have lied like that. You would have never done
that to a child you supposedly loved."
" It was not for lack of trying."
Nikolas looks at Bobbie with a confused face.
" Nikolas, the only difference between Stefan and myself was in a half
hour. That’s all." Bobbie took a deep breath and began her story. "
Nikolas, Lucas is adopted."
" I know that."
" What you don’t know, is that I bought him."
" You ‘bought’ him?"
" That’s right. I bought him. With my past, I was turned down in
adoption agency after adoption agency. I was a single woman with a
nightmare of a past, who wanted an infant. My chances were slim to none
of getting one. So, I went to a lawyer, and I arranged a ‘private
adoption’."
" You adopted Lucas through legal means. Like I spoke before, no
comparison."
" Nikolas, the only thing legal about Lucas’ adoption is that is the
size of the notepad that he scribbled his notes on during our meetings.
I grew up on the street, Nikolas. I know lowlifes when I see them. You
get a sixth sense about these things, and, I did. I realized that there
was something VERY wrong with this guy. He screamed CROOK from every
pore. But, I didn’t care. I had awoken from a sleep, only to be told
that I would never bear a child ever again. I was then told by the
‘nice’ Social Workers at the agencies that I was out of luck with them.
I didn’t care if the man asked me to sell my soul to the Devil, I was
going to get a baby. I was going to become a mother. And, when he
produced Lucas, it was more than I had ever dreamed of. Hoped for.
Only by holding him in my arms, did I realize just how deep the hole and
need inside of me was, for a child. What Lucas meant to me just can’t be
explained. But, I knew that I could never give him up.
Overtime, things started to really not add up. I mean not add up to the
point where I had to do some sleuthing myself, which I did. And, then, I
uncovered the truth. Actually, to be honest, I only confirmed my
suspicions: that Lucas had been stolen from another woman, and that I
actually knew the woman."
" What did you do?"
" I covered up the truth and decided to run."
" Run? But, Bobbie.."
" No, Nikolas. I had loved that child from the moment he was put into my
arms. I had no intention of giving him up. And, if Robert Scorpio hadn’t
caught me, I would have been gone. I was willing to leave my family, my
career, my marriage, MY LIFE...just so that I could be a mother to
Lucas. He meant that much to me.
So, I’m not saying that Stefan was right. I’m only saying I understand
him. Maybe the original intent was to get Laura...but, I’m willing to
bet that whatever the original intent, it got derailed once Stefan fell
in love with you. And, he did, you know. Stefan Cassadine isn’t a man
who wears his emotions on his sleeve. But, the one thing that he
coudln’t hide, if his life depended on it, is his love for you, which I
believe surpasses anything he feels for Laura.
Nikolas, are you going to throw away 18 years of love and devotion? I
know the basis of it was horrendous. But, what you received was very
real. If you turn your back on it, you are cutting away a part of
yourself. You may want to hate Stefan. You may even tell yourself that
you do. And, part of you may actually hate him. But, the deepest part of
you can’t. The deepest part of you wants to forgive him, because it’s
the only way that you can begin to reconcile all these new truths. If
you are to build a relationship of anykind with Luke, how can you do
that, when you’re telling yourself that anything you learned from Stefan
is wrong? It isn’t wrong. It’s who you are. And, no relationship for
you, of any sort, can be built without you knowing who you are."
Bobbie puts her hand to Nikolas’ cheek. " Nikolas, I love you. I want
you to have a wonderful life. And, be the man I know you can be. The man
that Stefan raised you to be. Whatever his faults, and he has plenty,
Stefan did right by you. Inside, I think you know it. Even if you don’t
know now, I hope one day soon it comes to you. " She kisses him on the
cheek. " I have to go check on Lucas. The world is an uncertain place.
But, this is for sure: you are always welcome here."
Nikolas takes Bobbie’s hand and kisses it. " Thank you."
" No thanks necessary."
After that conversation, Nikolas made sure that he was available to
Bobbie for more than just the one night a week of babysitting. Sometimes
he combined his time with Lesley Lu with Lucas. The three of them would
go on all sorts of outings. Having Lesley Lu as a buffer made Lucas more
comfortable and he began to trust Nikolas all the more.