Chapter 10 Out Of Denial
 

Pilar walked out of her bedroom and looked around, Miguel had left, she had heard him leave after she yelled at him. Now she was alone. She hadn’t been alone since it happened, since they told her of the crash. But now she stood in her house listening to the silence. Everyone had said the quite would be good for her, but now she knew it wasn’t. It was the silence that forced her to think, and thinking was something she couldn’t do. Her son, his wife, they we’re both still alive, they had to be. It wasn’t something she would believe, that her boy was dead. No not Luis, His smile would come back to her, she would know if he was dead, she would just feel it.
She walked over to the radio and flicked it on, she needed sound in the house, and she needed to stay busy. Pilar wasn’t sure what was playing, but all it took was a few words of the song to bring tears into her eyes.

I still run
I still swing open the door
I still think you'll be there like before
Doesn't everybody out there know
To never come around
Some things a heart won't listen to
I'm still holding out for you

"No! He’s still alive." She yelled shutting off the radio. Her tears began to stream down her face, as memories flooded her mind. Luis as a child, running, playing with Hank. His first black eye, how he protected that cute little girl from that big bully. Pilar gripped on the sofa with her shaking right hand, her body slowly starting to tremble. "He’s alive." She screamed again as the room began to blur. "My son isn’t dead." She whimpered falling against the sofa to stay standing. She could still see him, coming in late from that party Hank had threw, Graduating high school, so proud of all he had done. In his cop uniform smiling from ear to ear. No Luis had to be alive. She felt her heart pounding almost as if it was going to come out of her chest, this feeling what was it? She hadn’t felt it before. No He was alive. She saw him with Sheridan on their wedding day, Holding each baby after it was born, her son, the husband and father he wasn’t gone. Suddenly she heard her own cries, more screams than anything. Letting go of the sofa she fell to the ground, crumbling on the floor into a ball. Her head pounding, she couldn’t stop it, and she didn’t understand it.
"Dead. No, please no." She whimpered looking up at the ceiling. Her whole body ached and she felt as if she was dying. Like something was being stripped from her. She clutched her heart, trying to get her breath, but she was crying so frantic all she could do was lay there, let this new grief come out. Pilar felt her whole body become warm, her head dizzy and her tears falling to the floor under her like a puddle. It was real, suddenly she knew it was real. "Oh God he’s gone." She whispered closing her eyes, passing out from the heartbreak she was dealing with.

~*~*~*~*~

Theresa smiled as Kendra came running up to her, her face covered in chocolate and a few colored sprinkles actually stuck to goo on her face.
"Aunt Resa, guess what I ate?" She giggled.
Theresa bent down to the little girl and smiled. Putting her finger on her face she wiped off a smudge of chocolate. "Well judging from your face, I’d say you got into chocolate syrup."
Kendra smiled, "Uncle Jule gave me the biggest ice cream sundae ever! It had fudge and sprinkles on it!" She exclaimed her eyes getting bigger as she talked.
Theresa laughed. "Uncle Jule?" She questioned.
The little girl nodded her head, "Uh huh, that’s what he said I could call him, cause he’s cool and stuff." She grinned.
"Well then looks like you’ve had a real fun day."
"Yeah cept when that big meanie came." Kendra frowned.
"Big meanie?" Theresa questioned.
"Yeah, Ethum." She said after searching her mind for his name.
Theresa held back the laugh in her throat. "Ethan?" She corrected.
"Yeah that’s him." Kendra nodded.
"Did he come to see Aunt Ivy?" Theresa questioned.
"I dunno." She shrugged licking her mouth. "Yum sprinkles." She giggled.
Theresa shook her head. "I guess I’m going to have to give you a big bath tonight."
"With bubbles?" Kendra asked.
"Of course with bubbles. So where’s your brother?"
"He’s gettin cleaned up, Aunt Ivy tried feeding him and he spit on her. It was really funny." Kendra giggled.
"What did she feed him?"
"Some orange stuff, but then Uncle Jule gave him a little ice cream and he got all happy." She smiled.
Theresa smiled noting in her mind never to feed Matthew carrots, or anything else orange for that matter.
"Will you run upstairs and find Matthew, ask Aunt Ivy or one of the nice maids to bring him down for me?" Theresa asked.
"Yelp, " The little girl laughed running up the stairs.

"She’s a hyper one isn’t she?" A voice said.
Theresa turned around to see Ethan standing behind her." Ethan, I didn’t realize you we’re still here. "
"I was just leaving. Kendra is quite the talker. "
Theresa nodded. "She’s a little angel."
Ethan frowned. "She called me a big meanie."
Theresa felt the laughter escape her. "I’m sorry." She said finding a straight face.
"I’m sorry she feels that way." Ethan said ignoring Theresa’s laughter. "I’m not a bad person."
"Ethan, she’s a child. But I’ll talk to her, really I will." Theresa nodded.
"I guess I just know nothing about kids." Ethan admitted.
"I don’t know a lot. But I guess I’m learning." Theresa frowned.
Her cell phone rang and she grabbed it. "Hello? What? Miguel calm down! You found her how? I’ll be right there OK?" Theresa hung up and looked at Ethan.
"I’ve gotta leave!" She said frantic. "Tell Ivy to watch the kids a little longer."
"But her and Julian are leaving soon."
"Ethan please, will you watch them for me? Or carry them to Chad’s or Grace’s. Please Mama needs me." Theresa told him.
"Of course Theresa." Ethan said as Theresa spun out of the house.
Ethan looked up toward the stairs. "I’m horrible with children. What I have I just done?" He whispered..

Song clip from SheDaisy's I'm still holding out for you