~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Julian sees off his new friend, pointing him in the direction of the Book-Cafe {and handing him a picture of Liz, just to be sure that, even if she's left already, our guest star is still able to track her down} But, lo' and behold! Our hero is not alone!)

TC: (sneaking up on Julian) "JULIAN! You punk, I outta kill you! How dare you stand there in your own yard!"

JULIAN: (rolling his eyes) "What now, TC?"

TC: (enraged for no apparent reason... but what else is new?) "You were thinking about my wife, weren't you? And my daughter? AND MY SHED! I'll kill you!!!"

(TC lunges at Julian, who promptly knocks the man to the ground; Julian steps on TC's chest to hold him down.)

JULIAN: "Listen here, Coach, I've had just about enough of you're empty threats. The only reason I didn't beat you to a bloody pulp before was because your wife was watching, and I would never want to subject her to any humiliation from watching her so-called husband cry like a little girl. Ever wonder why you've never actually hurt anyone through your outbursts? Hmm, lets ponder that for a while. And Speaking of the Lovely Dr. Eve, how dare you blame her for all of your pathetic problems! You lost to me so many years ago at tennis because you're terrible at the game! Get over it!"

TC: (near tears) "But you ran me over! It's all your fault!"

JULIAN: (laughing) "TC, hasn't anyone ever told you? You ran into a parked car... and a volkswagon at that. Nobody hit you, you're just stupid and clumsy..."

TC: (Crying now for real) "NO!!! But Daddy said that you were evil!!"

JULIAN: "Oh, suck it up, man. And stop treating Eve like your own personal scapegoat. In fact, stop treating Eve at all!! I love her more than you could ever try!"

TC: (raging once more)"I knew it! You seduced my wife!" (Julian moves his foot, and TC tries to stand up. Julian pushes him back down. TC tries to stand again, and Julian once more pushes him to hte ground.

~~~~~~~~~~Ten Minutes Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(...and Julian pushes him back down, laughing. TC finally curls up into the fetal position and cries)

TC: "I WANT MY SHED!!!!"

(Julian, finally disgusted by this array of self-pity, decides to leave. But first...)

JULIAN: (turning back to TC) "I'll make you a deal, TC. If you divorce Eve so that she can finally be happy, I'll make sure nobody finds out that I almost beat the crap out of you."

TC: (now sucking thumb) "C-can I keep my shed??"

JULIAN: (shrugging) "YEah, sure, whatever..."

(Julian turns to leave, but is suddenly curious)

JULIAN: "By the way, WHat IS in that old shed of yours?"

TC: (spaces out.....*twitch*..)"Porn and fried chicken"
(both men hang their heads in shame...)

Meanwhile, at the Book-Cafe....

"NO, NO!!! BUT I LOVE HIM!!!! LUIS MUST BE MINE!!!!"
(STAB, CUT, KICK, BITE, BAM, SNEEZE, SLICE, PIE....MMMM...PIE....)

"AND MY SISTER MUST PAY!!! AHHHHHH!!!!"

(turns around, impatient, shoots her, and returns to pie...mmmm....)