Honestly Love You (PASH: Russells/Chad)-Chap. 21
by caroline crane
 

Whitney reached up and patted the horse's nose affectionately, smiling as the animal nuzzled her hand and let out a little snort. She wasn't sure when she'd gotten into the habit of coming to the mansion every day, but somehow she'd found herself drawn there more and more often. It was the only place she knew where she could feel completely at ease with herself, let go of all her worries over her parents and college and tennis and just breathe in the sweet, clover-scented air and listen to the stillness of the barn.

Katherine's Dream stamped her feet and a sudden shiver ran down her body, evoking a surprised laugh from Whitney as her mind was drawn back to the impatient horse in front of her, waiting for her brushing. She stepped into the stall and swung the door closed behind her, running the boar bristle brush down the length of the horse's coat while she whispered soothingly to her. She did her best thinking during her daily grooming of Julian's horse, and although she knew Katherine's Dream didn't belong to her, in a way she almost did. Or more precisely, Whitney belonged to the horse. She owed her entire change in attitude to her daily rides, and she knew without the sense of freedom she'd found astride the horse's back she'd never have found the courage to apply to college away from home.

An involuntary shudder ran through her as she pictured her mother's reaction to the news that Whitney was planning to go away to school, somewhere new where she could remake her whole life, become the person she wanted to be instead of the person her parents expected her to be. She was terrified of her parents' reaction, of the hurt in Eve's eyes and the anger T.C. would unleash when he found out she was planning to give up tennis. Still, she couldn't help the way she felt, Sheridan had made her see that.

She'd made a compromise with her parents in her mind already, knowing it would appease them a little if she applied to women's colleges instead of coed schools. She'd applied to four so far: Mount Holyoke, Wellesley, Sweet Briar, and Spelman. She knew her grades would be enough to get her in; she'd spent her entire high school career making sure she excelled at every subject, just so her parents wouldn't have a reason to be disappointed in her. Now that she was getting ready to leave home, however, she was glad she'd applied herself so meticulously. Knowing she'd have her choice of universities was frightening, but also exciting.

Branching out on her own was something that Whitney never thought she'd be brave enough to do, not the entire time she watched Theresa chase her dreams, and not while Chad was relentlessly hounding her, trying to get her to face her fears and let herself feel something for the first time in her life. It was too late to follow that road now, she knew she'd caused irreparable damage when she'd accused him of running out on a child that wasn't even his. Still, it wasn't too late to go forward, and for the first time she was ready to do that. At least she hoped she was - if she went to her parents with her plans and they forbade her to leave she didn't know if she'd be strong enough to walk out that door and leave them behind.

Katherine's Dream snorted and let out a low whinny and Whitney instinctively reached for her muzzle, letting her fingers trail over the downy hair on the horse's snout as she whispered to her. "Shh, girl, it's okay." Her eyes filled with stinging tears and she blinked them back forcefully, smiling sadly as she looked up at the horse. "I'll miss you too."

~

Julian stared out the window of his study as Whitney disappeared into the barn for her daily grooming of Katherine's Dream. He wondered if anyone else in the family had noticed that she'd fallen into a daily routine, but knowing his family no one had even noticed that Whitney was on the property at all. In fact, between Ethan's brooding over Theresa and Ivy's frigid demeanor the house was feeling more empty than ever. He sighed and told himself not to go down there and talk to her. Eve had warned him to stay away from her family and he owed her at least that much respect.

He pushed his chair back and stood up, intending to pace the length of his study and brood about the decline of his love affair with Eve Russell. She'd been so alive back then, so wide-eyed and ready to try anything, just to see how it felt. But now the she was a successful doctor and a mother she seemed almost afraid of life, as though all the joy had gone out of her the day they parted ways. That was her decision, he reminded himself. She didn't have to take Alistair's bribe, she could have refused to take the check and they might have had a chance at a future together. Sure, he would have had to give up his place in the family, but for her he might have done it.

The more he thought about Eve and her betrayal, the angrier he got, and soon he found himself throwing open his study door and striding across the sitting room toward the snow-covered veranda. He let himself out the French doors, shivering a little as the cold December air enveloped him. For the first time in ages he felt almost invigorated by the New England winter, however, and he followed the carefully manicured path from the house toward the stables without thinking. He told himself it didn't matter what Eve thought, her daughter was on his property, grooming his horse, and he'd talk to her if he damn well pleased.

As he reached the barn and stepped into the quiet warmth he paused, letting his eyes adjust to the soft light inside as he listened to the sounds of horses shifting in their stalls. When he could make out the shapes of the stalls he began to walk the length of the barn, listening to the soft, soothing sounds of Whitney's voice as she whispered to Katherine's Dream. He was about to clear his throat and make himself known when he heard Whitney's soft voice whisper, "I'll miss you too." Julian froze, afraid at first the he was interrupting some sort of tryst between Eve's eldest and that young man that Ethan was so fond of. When she was answered only by the horse's soft whinny, however, curiosity got the better of him and he stepped out of the shadows.

"Going somewhere, my dear?"

Whitney's eyes flew wide open as she looked up and found herself staring at a stern-looking Julian Crane. As soon as he saw her expression his own features softened and she remembered to breathe, smiling nervously as she realized he'd caught her talking to his horse. "No, sir, I was just...I was just telling Katherine's Dream about my plans for college."

"I see," he said, struggling to keep the amusement out of his voice as he realized she'd been carrying on a conversation with the animal. "So you're planning to go away to school? I'm surprised your mother's agreed to that."

Whitney's eyes clouded for a moment, but she looked up sharply when she realized what he'd said. "Do you know my mother?"

Julian paled as he realized just how intelligent the girl standing before him really was. She was her mother's daughter, to be sure. "No...what I mean is, I know your mother in a social sense, of course. She's had dinner at the house a time or two. I know both of your parents casually, certainly enough to know that they care a great deal about you." He winced inwardly and hoped he sounded convincing. There was no reason for her to think he knew Eve any better than he claimed to, but he couldn't help feeling that he'd suddenly found himself treading on dangerous territory.

Relief flooded him when she broke into a shy smile and nodded. "Of course. I'm sorry, Mr. Crane, I don't mean to be rude. I know my parents know your family, I guess I just forgot that they'd been to dinner here."

"No need to be sorry, my dear," Julian replied, returning her smile as he reached out absently to pet the horse's muzzle. He'd hoped that somehow talking to her would make him understand why he felt so drawn to her, and as her smile crept into her dark eyes he realized what it was. She was so like her mother, beautiful in an innocent way, with a total naivete about the world that reminded him of Eve all those years ago, when they'd first met in a smoky bar in Boston. "So you plan to go away to college. I assume you're finishing high school this year?"

"Oh, no, I graduated last spring," she answered. "I just took a year off to concentrate on tennis. It was my father's idea."

Julian's eyes narrowed a little at the mention of T.C. and his obsession with tennis, but as he realized what she'd said he forgot all about her father. She was just like her mother, but T.C. - there was nothing of T.C. Russell in the girl standing before him. She had her mother's sad smile, her mother's soulful eyes, but her light skin and her shy, retiring demeanor...so much different than her younger sister. He thought back over the years to the last time he and Eve were together and he began to count. But it couldn't be...it had just been that one time. Eve was newly married, surely she would have been pregnant already. "You graduated last year? Meaning you're eighteen now?"

Whitney nodded, her smile fading as she wondered why it mattered to Julian Crane how old she was. She watched his face pale again and suddenly he looked as if he was going to be ill. "Mr. Crane, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, my dear. Just a little touch of the flu, I'm sure. I best get back to the house before I catch my death. If you'll excuse me."

"Of course," Whitney answered, but he was already gone. She stared at the spot where he'd been standing for another moment, wondering what she'd said to make Julian Crane look as though he was about to faint.

~

Eve slipped into Orville's room, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as she watched his eyes light up. "Eve, thank goodness you've come."

"Shh, don't get excited, Orville, you know it's bad for your blood pressure." She crossed to him and straightened his pillows before making him lie back, taking his vitals more as a force of habit than the concern that he was ill. She knew he was being well cared for, she'd chosen the nursing home precisely for its reputation. It was the least she could do, after all that he'd done to protect her secrets. When she finished examining him she sat on the edge of the bed and smiled. "How are you?"

"I'd be a lot better if Chad Harris would just let the past stay in the past," Orville lamented. "It breaks my heart to lie to the poor boy. He deserves to know where he comes from."

Eve's smile faded as her mind wandered to Chad and the gaping hole in his life. She couldn't help feeling partly responsible for keeping the truth from him, but really what choice did she have? Telling Chad who his mother was would only lead him to a grave stone, and it would shatter her whole world. She couldn't do that to T.C. and the girls, not for Chad or anyone else.

"I know it's difficult, Orville, but it's for the best. As long as Alistair's still alive he'll make sure Chad is miserable, and if either of us tries to help him we'll both end up just as miserable. You spent most of your life trying to escape Alistair's influence, you know better than anyone how relentless he can be."

"Yes, I know. But I'm old, Eve. It doesn't matter what Alistair Crane does to me now. If it wasn't for you I'd tell Chad the truth, Alistair and his threats be damned. I lived in fear for almost fifty years, hiding in the most obscure parts of the world so he wouldn't think of me as a threat and come looking for me." Orville settled a little further into his pillows, looking more frail than he was surrounded by the stark whiteness of his room. "I'd give anything to go back to the day I took those photographs of Chad and erase what I saw. If I hadn't seen that man come and take the baby, if I hadn't let my journalist's curiosity get the best of me and followed him back to the Crane mansion, I wouldn't have spent the rest of my life running from Alistair."

Eve sighed heavily and reached out to cover his fragile hand with hers. "I know, Orville. I'm sorry you got caught in the middle of all this. And I'm sorry that Hank and Chad found you and started asking questions. But they can never know the truth, no matter how much it hurts Chad. Giving him the name of his dead mother would lead to the destruction of my entire family, Alistair would see to that."

"His mother may be dead," Orville said quietly, "but his sister isn't."

Eve closed her eyes against the image of Sheridan Crane that floated into her mind's eye. He had a right to know that Sheridan was his sister, she was the only family he had left, not counting his father. But no one knew who his father was, even when Eve had tried to find the answer she hadn't been able to. Alistair was careful to destroy any evidence that his second wife had an affair, let alone the identity of her lover.

"His sister is a member of the family that tried to destroy him," Eve reminded the old man. "She may be a warm and caring person, but she's still a Crane. Do you think Julian would welcome Chad Harris into his family with open arms? Of course he wouldn't. The fact remains that Chad is better off never knowing the truth."

"Still, don't you wonder who his father is?" Orville asked, pushing himself up a little on the mattress. "I've always wondered, all these years. Who was it that had an affair with Alistair Crane's wife?" His eyes got a little wider and he gasped suddenly. "Maybe Alistair had him killed."

Eve's expression was grim as she listened to Orville's pondering. "It's certainly possible. I wouldn't put anything past that monster."

~

"Damn," Hank muttered as he and Beth turned away from the nurse's station. Beth glanced at his profile, stifling a giggle at his frustrated expression. She didn't want to laugh at him when he was so obviously annoyed, but she couldn't help finding it amusing that he'd gone into the hospital with nothing but boyish charm on his side. For some reason he seemed to think he could sweet talk the nurses out of confidential information, and when it didn't work he actually seemed surprised.

"What'd you expect?" she finally asked. "Hank, we're looking for answers to a twenty-year-old mystery that was a scandal even then. Of course we're not going to just walk in here and get the information handed to us with a big bow on it."

Hank shot her what was supposed to be an angry glare, but he looked so pitiful that she couldn't help laughing. The sound was infectious and he found himself grinning in spite of his best effort to control the urge. "Fine, so much for the direct approach. If no one wants to help us out, we'll just have to find some answers on our own."

"And how do you propose to do that?" she asked as he grabbed her hand and pulled her down the hall. "Hank, where are we going?" He ignored the question and stopped in front of the elevators, punching the down button.

"Hank."

He finally glanced at her and flashed a heart-stopping grin. "Just do me a favor and keep your eyes peeled, okay?"

"Oh, God," she muttered as the elevator doors open and he pulled her inside. "Is this going to get us arrested?"

He raised his eyebrows and laughed as her face paled and she groaned. "Hank, please don't tell me we're about to break any federal laws or anything."

The elevator doors opened before he could answer and she found herself looking at the basement corridor. They stepped into the quiet hall and Hank glanced both ways, finally deciding on a direction. Beth rolled her eyes heavenward and said a quick prayer before she ran after him, falling into step beside him just as they reached a door marked 'Records'.

"Please don't tell me you're going to do what I think you're going to do," she whispered.

"Just keep your eyes peeled and make sure nobody's coming," he said as he reached in his pocket and pulled out a small piece of metal. She bit her lip and glanced both ways down the hall, a million different scenarios running through her mind at the same time. She settled on the vision of the two of them behind bars and let her heart pound against her rib cage while she waited for him to pick the lock and get them safely inside.

"Done," he finally announced, glancing over his shoulder with a devilish grin as he grabbed the door knob and eased it open.

She took a deep breath and followed him inside, closing and locking the door as quickly as she could behind them. "Fine, now how do you propose we find what we're looking for? We don't even know where to start."

Hank put his hands on his hips and glanced around the room. "Well, the baby was a foundling, which meant he'd be under Baby Boy Doe, right? So I guess we start under the D's."

"I'm so glad one of us is enjoying this," she muttered as she glanced up at the stacks of dusty records in front of them.

Hank glanced at Beth's profile as she started toward the rows of patient files, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth as he told himself she was enjoying herself as much as he was. She'd been thrilled at the prospect of solving the mystery of Chad's birth, and every time he let her in on some aspect of the search her eyes got that same gleam he saw when he first asked for her help. Okay, maybe she hadn't bargained for breaking and entering, but they had to find some information on that baby or they might as well give up the search.

He stepped around her into the stacks and ran his hand over the files, pulling them out at random until he figured out the filing system. Finally he realized they were alphabetized by year, and he stuck his head into the long center aisle and looked around. "Beth," he hissed when he didn't spot her through the stacks. "Over here."

She appeared in the aisle suddenly, a few rows ahead of him. "1980 is over here," she whispered back, grinning in spite of herself as their eyes met.

"That's my girl," he said as he crossed the aisle to her. He stepped behind her and forced himself to focus on the files in front of them and not on the scent of her shampoo. "Okay, now to find the D's."

"Way ahead of you." She tossed him a superior look over her shoulder as she pointed at a section of old, dusty files. "How long do they keep this stuff, anyway?"

He opened his mouth to reply, but before he could form the words they heard a noise coming from the front of the room. They both froze as they heard the lock turn, and as the door slowly swung open Hank grabbed her hand and pulled her into the center aisle. They ran for the back of the room, reaching the last aisle as the overhead lights flickered on and they suddenly found themselves flooded in a bright florescent glow. He glanced both ways down the aisle, hoping to God there was somewhere to hide. Finally his eyes fell on a door in the far wall and he made a break for it, dragging Beth with him.

She saw the closet at the same moment he did and said a desperate prayer that it was unlocked. His hand fell on the knob and he yanked it open, and a moment later she found herself engulfed in darkness, pressed up against him as they froze and waited for whoever had interrupted them to go away.