Honestly Love You (PASH: Russells/Chad)-Chap. 22
by caroline crane
 

Hank and Beth both held their breath and strained to listen to the noises coming from the room outside the closet. They were frozen in place, both of them staring at the door as a low, steady squeaking came from the other side of the door. Moments later it stopped and they were both sure that whoever was on the other side of that door would hear their hearts beating and find them hiding in the closet. After a few moments the squeaking started again, only a little further away. Hank groaned inwardly and let out the breath he'd been holding, turning away from the door to look at Beth as he realized what was going on out there.

"What?" she hissed, her voice sounding far too loud in the silence of the closet.

"Figures, of all the times to try to steal a file." He rolled his eyes in the darkness and she could just make out his sheepish grin. "Somebody's out there filing."

Beth gasped and his fingers closed a little tighter around her arms, making her aware for the first time that his arms were wrapped firmly around her and her hands were resting on his waist. She tensed and took a step backwards, only to find herself backed up against something hard. "What do we do now?"

He sighed and reached into his pocket, producing a small Maglite. He turned it on and waved it around the closet, careful to avoid shining it on the door as he looked around at the storage boxes and shelves full of empty files and labels. He shrugged and flashed another grin at Beth before turning off the flashlight and putting it back in his pocket. "I guess we try to get comfortable and wait them out. And hope they don't need any extra files."

She felt a wave of fear rush over her but she followed his lead and sat down on the floor next to him, leaning back against the shelf and trying her best to get comfortable on the hard linoleum. "What good does it do if we find the file on the baby anyway?" she asked, sitting up to glance at his profile. She could just barely make out his features, but she could sense the wheels spinning in his brain. "It won't prove that Chad was the baby."

"Maybe not, but they must have at least typed the kid's blood. We can at least find out if we're on a wild goose chase or if there's a chance we're following the right path." He glanced over at her and his breath caught in his throat as he realized how close they were. There was a weak light shining into the closet through the frosted glass window in the door, and the light caught her dark hair and cast her in an other-worldly glow. He'd always known she was beautiful, but in that light she was breathtaking. He cleared his throat nervously and forced a short laugh. "I mean, we've come this far, right?"

"Right," she echoed, her voice breaking a little as she met his eyes. The way he was looking at her was so much different than the way he usually looked at her - it was as though he could see right through her.

"Beth?" He heard himself say her name before he even knew what he was going to ask her, but as he looked into her eyes he saw her move toward him instinctively, and before he could stop himself he was moving forward, pushing himself off the bookshelf to meet her in the darkness.

"Yeah?" She held her breath and waited for him to make the next move. They were face to face, less than a foot apart on the floor. She kept telling herself that it was the situation that was making her temperature rise and not the fact that she could feel his breath on her cheek and his arm brushing against hers.

He took a deep breath and told himself not to lean forward any more, not to slide his hand around her neck and pull her toward him. This was Beth, his best friend, and as much as they'd been enjoying each other's company lately, he couldn't cross that line, especially not while they were trapped in a closet in the basement of a hospital. "I'm sorry I got you into this."

She let out the breath she'd been holding and struggled against the disappointment welling up inside her. She'd been sure he was about to kiss her, but did she really want him to? Her eyes fluttered closed as she found herself picturing what would have happened if he had kissed her, and she felt the color in her cheeks rise, thankful for the darkness of the closet so he couldn't see her blush.

Hank groaned inwardly as he watched Beth's eyes fall closed and her lips part slightly. She was determined to make this as difficult for him as possible, he realized, yet as much as he wanted to he couldn't tear his eyes away from her. She looked so beautiful sitting next to him in the darkness, and before he could stop himself he reached out and pushed a stray strand of hair off her cheek.

Her eyes flew open as she felt his fingers brush her skin, her hand reaching up to catch his before she knew what she was doing. She blushed even deeper but her fingers refused to let go of his, closing a little more tightly around his hand as she pulled his hand away from her face and unconsciously pulled him forward. The second he felt her silently urging him closer he forgot all the lectures he'd been giving himself about not crossing the line of friendship, and before he could stop himself his lips brushed against hers. He pulled back immediately, hovering millimeters away from her as he met her eyes with a questioning gaze. "Beth..."

Whatever he'd been about to say disappeared as she leaned forward, dropping his hand to wrap her arms around his neck as their lips met again. He felt her lips part to meet his and slid his tongue against hers automatically, deepening the kiss as he slid his hands down her shoulders to pull her closer to him. Alarms kept going off in his head as he told himself they shouldn't be doing this, but he couldn't bring himself to stop. He'd spent years denying himself the pleasure of thinking of her as more than a friend, but now that she was in his arms it felt like she'd been there his whole life.

Beth wrapped her fingers in his hair and smiled against his lips, forcing every thought out of her mind except the way her entire body reacted to his touch. They'd never exchanged more than a friendly peck on the lips before today, but as he kissed her it felt as though they'd been kissing for years. He knew her better than anyone in her life, but as she melted into his expert touch she realized just how much they could still learn about each other.

~

Sheridan's heart rate sped up a little as she let herself into the mansion. She wasn't looking at all forward to running into Julian, but she knew she couldn't keep avoiding him forever. Still, how was she supposed to look her brother in the eye knowing he might have a son he'd never acknowledged? As soon as the thought surfaced a familiar nagging doubt tugged at her heart, telling her there was no way Julian would have let his son be raised by a family like the Harrises. Even if Julian felt he couldn't acknowledge Chad, he'd have made sure he was raised by good people, wouldn't he?

Something about the whole situation didn't add up - first the dates on the birth certificate were wrong, and now that she thought about it, Chad's last name was Harris on the birth certificate itself. If he was adopted by the Harris family in Los Angeles after the birth certificate was issued, how did he get the last name before the adoption even took place? She wondered if Hank had thought about that detail, turning on her heel to go back to the cottage and call him. As she reached for the front door, however, she heard footsteps behind her. "Ah, sister dear, leaving so soon?"

She winced at the sound of Julian's voice and turned around, crossing her arms over her chest as she walked slowly toward him. "Hello, Julian."

"Is there something you needed, Sheridan?" he asked, attempting his usual flippant demeanor but falling somewhere between confusion and regret.

Sheridan's eyes narrowed as she took in her brother's distracted expression and the edge in his voice. "Julian, is something wrong?"

"Wrong? Of course not," he answered, forcing a mirthless laugh as he turned away from her and headed for the wet bar in the sitting room. Sheridan followed him, curiosity getting the better of her as she watched Julian reach for the brandy. His hand trembled a little, and she wondered if he'd heard something about the investigation into Chad's past. If he really was Chad's father and he found out that Hank was poking around, looking for the truth, he'd have every reason to be nervous.

"You're sure," she said, biting her tongue to keep herself from blurting out Chad's name and asking him about the birth certificate and his relationship with Eve.

Julian took a sip of brandy before turning to face her. "Of course I'm sure, Sheridan. What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing." She shrugged nonchalantly and crossed to the uncomfortable couch that their father insisted on keeping. She had no idea why Julian and Ivy hadn't redecorated after Alistair stopped coming home, but knowing her father he'd hear about the slightest change and hold even Julian's interior design preferences against him. She rolled her eyes at the thought of the hold Alistair had kept over them all these years, thankful that she'd finally realized that she didn't have to let him run her life. Julian, on the other hand, was another story. He'd probably given up Eve because of Alistair, and she knew that was the only reason he'd married Ivy.

He settled into the chair across from her, watching her suspiciously over the rim of his brandy glass. She'd been skittish since she walked into the house, turning around and leaving almost immediately. If he hadn't stopped her surely she'd be back at the cottage by now, but something about her behavior had made him curious. It was a welcome distraction from spending the afternoon counting backwards from Whitney Russell's eighteenth birthday, trying to remember the exact drunken night that he and Eve happened across one another in the Harmony Jazz Club.

He'd gone to the club after a particularly trying evening of trying unsuccessfully to warm Ivy up to the idea of spending the night together, looking to dwell on the past a little and maybe find a more receptive woman to share his bed that night. When he'd walked through the door, however, he'd been confronted full force with the living, breathing embodiment of a past he'd tried to forget. She was sitting at a table in the corner, nursing a whiskey sour and wiping at her tears every few moments. For a long time he just stood at the bar and watched her, wondering why the confident, self-assured doctor he'd run into at the hospital just a few weeks before was crying alone in a bar. Surely she and T.C. wouldn't be having problems already, they were still newlyweds.

Finally he'd gotten up the nerve to walk over to her, expecting her to tell him to go to hell the way she had at the hospital. Instead she'd looked up at him through tear-filled eyes, her whole body shaking as she began to sob. He'd slid into the booth next to her and put his arms around her, letting her cry quietly as he wondered what it was that was breaking her heart. She'd never told him, even when he'd guided her out of the bar and put her in his car. He'd driven to the corporate apartment that Crane Enterprises kept for visiting business associates, and she'd fallen into bed with him almost eagerly, and he told himself that it didn't matter that he couldn't quite erase the sadness from her eyes.

When he woke up the next morning she was already gone, and he didn't see her again until months later at a hospital benefit. She was back on T.C.'s arm, smiling and happy, and later he found out that she was pregnant with their first child. At the time he'd wondered if the baby could possibly be his, but he wouldn't let himself believe it was possible. It had been too hard to lose her and their son the first time, he couldn't go through it all over again. So he'd let it go, and eventually he'd convinced himself that the idea was out of the question. Until now. Until he looked into the wide, innocent eyes of Whitney Russell, Eve's second child, and realized that it was an all too real possibility that she could be his.

"Julian." He glanced up sharply at the sound of his name to find Sheridan staring at him, her blue eyes clouded with concern. "Where did you go just now?"

"Honestly, sister dear, your imagination is working overtime again. Now if you'll excuse me, work beckons." He cleared his throat and stood up, crossing the sitting room to disappear into the quiet refuge of his study.

~

Eve wiped her eyes with her free hand as she gripped the steering wheel and waited for the light to change. She'd calmed Orville down as best she could, hopefully convincing him for once and for all to keep his mouth shut about the past. She had no idea when Chad had first brought Orville to her attention how much she and the old man would turn out to have in common, but their shared fear of Alistair had bonded them together in a way that she never imagined possible. When she discovered that there was no one to take care of him she'd taken on the responsibility herself, somehow convincing T.C. that she was just being philanthropic when she paid for his nursing home care.

"It's the least I can do," she whispered into the silence of her car. After all, Alistair had virtually ruined Orville's life, and she could certainly relate to feeling like Alistair Crane had a stranglehold over her life. Orville's only crime against the Crane family had been being to inquisitive, and finding himself in the right place at exactly the wrong time. He'd been taking pictures of Meredith Crane's baby for the newspaper article on the strange circumstances surrounding Chad's appearance in the hospital, and he happened to forget one of his lenses in the nursery. When he went back for it he'd seen the man take the baby out of his incubator and he'd followed, assuming he was hot on the heels of getting to the bottom of the biggest mystery to hit the sleepy town of Harmony in ages.

When he'd found himself following the man back to the Crane mansion he knew he was in over his head, but when Crane security grabbed him and Alistair threatened his life he knew he had to disappear and never breathe a word of what he'd seen to anyone. Until he met Eve he'd kept his vow of silence, but somehow he'd gotten his hands on those pictures of her and Julian, and he recognized her immediately. So he told her the truth about Chad, how he was the illegitimate son of Alistair's second wife, and how Alistair had threatened his life if he ever came back to Harmony again. He wondered why Alistair hadn't killed him on the spot, but as soon as he got out of there with his life he'd headed for Prague without a backward glance. The next twenty years of his life were spent freelancing in Europe, and it wasn't until he was retired and Chad was long gone that he dared come back to Harmony.

Eve sighed as the light changed and shifted the car into gear, rolling down the deserted street toward Harmony. She knew she was going to have to lie to T.C. about where she'd been, and she hated how easy it had become to look him in the eye and lie. Every time she did she told herself it was for his own good, that he'd never understand her past and it would hurt him too much to know the truth. Still, there were times when she'd wanted to break down, to let the tears fall and just pour out the whole ugly story. She wanted him to know that her heart was broken when her son died, that no matter how much she loved her daughters she could never give herself to them completely because she was terrified of the pain of losing them too. If he wondered why she was so protective of them he'd never said a word, but she'd seen the look in his eyes when he tried to get her to ease up on the rules so that Whitney and Simone could just enjoy being teenagers.

He'll never understand, she told herself. He'd never understand what it felt like to lose a child, he had both his girls at home where they belonged. No matter what had happened to him in his past that kept him up nights and drove him to the shed in the back yard, he could never understand how much it had hurt her to lose the baby she and Julian would have loved so much.
 
 
 

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