Honestly Love You (Russells/Chad)-Chap. 9
by caroline crane
 

Hank woke with a start and glanced around the room wildly, his vision still blurry with sleep as he tried to remember where he was. Suddenly his alarm started blaring and he reached out to turn it off, knocking it on the floor in the process. As it hit the bare wooden floorboards he remembered where he was - in his room in the Harmony Bed and Breakfast. He shook off the lingering grip of sleep and sat up in the narrow bed, glancing around the room disgustedly. He'd been back in town for over a year and he was still living in a hotel, his clothes thrown haphazardly in a duffel bag and shuttled back and forth to Sam's house for laundry. He couldn't even cook for himself in this place without getting in the way of the kitchen staff. It was long past time to get his own place, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to put roots back down in Harmony. Deep in the darkest corner of his heart he was afraid that somehow if he admitted that for better or worse, this was home, he'd be admitting that he'd failed.

When he left town all he'd wanted was to run as far and as fast away from his family, the memory of his father, of all the times he'd tried and failed to live up to Sam - but when he'd come back to town he didn't have anything to show for his time away. Sure, he'd seen a lot of the world and done a lot of interesting things, but now he was closing in on 30 and he still didn't have a career to speak of, living off savings from his time in Europe and odd jobs he picked up here and there. He shook his head as he dragged himself into the bathroom, turning on the shower and letting the hot spray run over him. It's time, he told himself as he reached for the shampoo, closing his eyes as he lathered his hair. It's time to make a decision about the rest of my life.

As soon as he'd dried himself off and gotten dressed he slid into his leather jacket and left the bed and breakfast, mentally running down his schedule for the day. The first order of business was finding some loose thread in Chad's story to pull - eventually one of them had to lead somewhere, he just had to find the right one to yank on. That was easier said than done, as Chad had learned, but Hank got the feeling that it would be easier for him to nose around for information without looking suspicious than it had been for Chad. After all, Chad brought all kinds of emotions to the table when he started asking questions about his past. For Hank it was just a job, and that made it a lot easier for people to give him what he wanted.

He sighed and headed toward the town library. There had to be some record somewhere of a kid around Chad's age being born in the area, that is if what Chad said was true and his parents were from the area. Of course it was possible that he was born elsewhere...Hank shook his head and forced the thought out of his mind. No, there was no sense setting himself up for disappointment before he even started digging. Besides, he had a feeling about Chad. There was something strangely familiar about him, like Hank should know him from somewhere. Maybe that's why people want to help him instinctively, Hank thought. T.C. sure seemed interested in helping the kid, even Sam had gotten in on his best friend's act. In fact, the only person in town that didn't seem eager to help Chad uncover his past was Eve Russell.

As he stepped into the library he was overwhelmed by the calm quiet of the building. It was still early, though, and most people were at work on a weekday morning. He headed toward the microfiche room and the newspapers from the year Chad was born. If he was even close to right about his birth date it shouldn't be too hard to find a lead of some kind, Hank told himself, wishing he could believe it. He found the microfiche for the year of Chad's birth on a dusty shelf and let out a sigh.

"Well, at least I got an early start," he muttered as he stared at the boxes full of newspaper archives. "Might as well get started."

~

Theresa slid into the empty chair at Whitney's table in the Book Cafe and grinned idiotically at her friend. Whitney gazed back at her with a blank look bordering on annoyance, wondering what great news Theresa had come to share. She knew her friend was just dying for her to ask, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Ever since Theresa's delusional dreams had come true and Ethan had chosen her over Gwen Whitney hadn't heard the end of her best friend's sunny proclamations about true love. Love conquers all, Theresa kept telling her, blathering on and on about how Chad would come around eventually. "Just tell him you love him, Whit. He'll forgive you," she'd say. The mere thought of another conversation like that gave Whitney a headache, and she cradled her throbbing temples in her hands.

"Whit, what's the matter?" Theresa asked, her giddy enthusiasm fading to worry as she watched Whitney press the heels of her palms against her forehead.

"Headache," Whitney mumbled. "I'm fine, really. What brings you here, Theresa? I thought you were spending the morning with Ethan."

"I was, but he had some last minute lawyer thing to do," Theresa explained, waving her hand impatiently at the thought of Ethan's career. "But he says he has a surprise for me later. I think this is it, Whit. I think he's finally going to do it."

"Do what?" The moment the question escaped her lips she regretted it, but it was fairly obvious she was going to hear the answer whether she wanted to or not.

"Propose, of course! I know Ethan thinks it's time to settle down and get married, and I think he's finally going to ask." Theresa's eyes shone with excitement and Whitney groaned inwardly. She wondered if her best friend was setting herself up for yet another major disappointment, but she knew her warnings would fall on deaf ears. Still, she couldn't help trying.

"Isn't it a little soon for you guys to get engaged?" Whitney asked. "I mean, you've barely dated, and he just got out of a serious relationship. Not to mention that you just graduated from high school and you haven't even started college. Shouldn't you at least date for awhile before you start making wedding plans?"

Theresa looked at Whitney as though that were the stupidest question she'd ever heard. "Fate wants us to be together, Whitney. It's our destiny, we were meant to be. When you know something's right there's no reason to wait."

Whitney forced a weak smile and tried her best to look happy for her friend. "That's great, Theresa. I'm happy for you."

Theresa pursed her lips and stared at her friend sadly. "You know what your problem is? Your problem is that you've spent so much denying your own feelings that you don't know how to be happy anymore. You and Chad love each other, Whitney. Just tell him, it'll be the best thing you've ever done. Telling Ethan I loved him was the best moment of my life. And look at us now! Everything worked out perfectly."

"Everything doesn't always work out the way you want it to, honey," Whitney said soothingly. She bit her tongue to hold back the sarcastic remark that had been forming, forcing herself instead to smile. "Besides, I'm way too focused on tennis right now to worry about boys. I have Nationals in a few months and if I don't get my head back in the game I'll never be ready."

"Tennis, tennis, tennis!" Theresa snarled, her face twisting into a disgusted grimace. "Tennis is just a game, Whit. We're talking about your whole life here!"

Whitney sighed and closed her eyes. "I don't want to argue about this anymore, Theresa. I'm happy for you and Ethan, really."

"Fine, I've got to go buy a new dress for tonight anyway," Theresa said, her ecstatic expression returning at the mention of Ethan. "I'll call you later and tell you all about Ethan's proposal."

Whitney managed a weak smile as she watched Theresa bound away as quickly as she'd arrived and she slumped into her seat, all the energy draining out of her. She loved Theresa and they'd had a lot of fun together as kids, but ever since her mad obsession with Ethan Crane began, Whitney had begun to wonder how they were friends at all. She'd never understand Theresa's willingness to believe in destiny above all else, and Theresa scoffed at every sensible decision Whitney tried to make for her life. She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut, willing her headache to go away so she could fit in an extra tennis practice.

"Whitney? Are you okay?" Her eyes flew open at the sound of Sheridan's voice, and she found herself smiling in spite of the pain behind her eyes.

"Hi, Sheridan. I'm fine, just a little headache."

Sheridan slipped into Theresa's vacant seat and fished in her purse for a small pill box. "Here, I always have Tylenol. In case of an emergency." She handed over the small caplets and Whitney took them gratefully, chasing them with a sip of her now lukewarm coffee.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. I saw you talking to Theresa, she seemed very...enthusiastic," Sheridan observed tactfully, causing Whitney's smile to grow.

"She's on an Ethan high." Whitney bit her lip as she realized she was about to tell Ethan's aunt that he might be proposing tonight. Part of her was pretty sure Theresa was getting way ahead of herself, but after the last few months with those two she wouldn't put anything past him.

"Yes, they've caused quite a stir at the mansion. But as long as Ethan's happy I'm happy for him. I feel badly for Gwen, but she'll bounce back. She's a strong young woman."

Whitney marveled at the poise and grace of the woman sitting across the table from her - she'd worked her entire life for even an ounce of that confidence, and Sheridan made it look so easy. "I hope so," she said quietly, her eyes clouding at the thought of the pain Theresa had caused Gwen. "Theresa has a big heart, but she doesn't always think of the consequences."

"Love has a way of doing that to you," Sheridan observed. She glanced over at the counter and her eyes fell on Chad Harris. He was staring raptly at the back of Whitney's head, lost in some far-away thought. "Although judging from the look Chad's giving you I guess you'd know about that."

Whitney followed Sheridan's gaze and locked eyes with Chad, her stomach doing flips as she realized he was staring at her. As soon as he met her eyes he looked away and pretended to be busy with the CD player, but not before Whitney saw the sorrow in his eyes. "Chad? No," she said nervously, shaking her head at the thought. "Chad doesn't even like me. We were friends, I guess, but now..."

"Well, you'd know best," Sheridan said, dropping the subject. She watched as Whitney glanced over her shoulder again, her eyes lingering on Chad's frame for a moment longer than necessary. There's definitely a story there, she thought, wondering how much of it she could get out of Ethan and how much she'd have to work out of Whitney herself during their next riding lesson.

~

The words on the chart in front of Eve blurred as she stared at them, trying and failing to concentrate on her latest patient, a young woman who'd had a sudden seizure and been rushed into the ER. She was supposed to be catching up on her paperwork, writing up cases to be filed after the patients were sent on to the OR or treated and sent home, but she couldn't seem to focus. Her mind kept wandering back to Whitney and the glow in her eyes as she described riding with Sheridan. Every word had been a knife in Eve's heart, from the fairy tale description of the Crane grounds to the affinity she seemed to have for her new friend.

Eve stood up from the table in the doctor's lounge and walked to the window, staring out over the bleak New England winter day. From the hospital they had a clear view of the harbor, and she watched as a few late fishing boats launched for their share of the day's catch. Her heart rose in her throat and she swallowed hard against it as she tried to quell the rising tide of fear brewing inside her.

She loved her daughters more than anything in the world, and she wanted nothing more than to protect them from the all the evil in the world. She knew she couldn't be with them all the time, and that eventually she'd have to let them make their own mistakes, but she still couldn't resist wanting to lock them away where they'd be safe and nothing bad could ever touch them. She'd never seen Whitney so happy as she'd been when she got home from her first riding lesson. She didn't know if it was Sheridan or the fact that Whitney was realizing every little girl's dream to ride a beautiful horse through a fairy tale setting like the grounds at the mansion, but whatever it was could lead to no good. She felt an invisible pressure grip her heart and slowly begin to squeeze as she thought of depriving Whitney of the only happiness her daughter seemed to have.

But what else could she do? Letting Whitney get closer to the Cranes, spending time so close to Julian and his influence - the thought sent a shudder down her spine and she blinked back hot tears. There was a time, long ago, when she would have welcomed Julian's influence on her children, but that was before they made their choices. That was before the terrible day she lost their son, and nothing could ever be the same again. She'd moved on years ago, forging a new life with T.C., a kind, decent, honest man. She loved him with all her heart, even if she didn't deserve his love. Still, she was grateful for it, and never again would she do anything to jeopardize the life they had together.

T.C. could never know that there was a time when she thought she loved Julian, when she hoped that they could have a future together. The thought would tear him apart, and she knew he'd kill Julian. No, it was best that he never knew the shameful truth about her past, no matter what happened. Besides, Julian made his choice a long time ago, so she took the only option left for her. She told herself that it was for the best that their child had gone back to God before he ever got the chance to know his parents, to know how his father had chosen a loveless, arranged marriage over his mother. Taking the money was all she could do, she told herself again. It was just a means to an end, and it was the only option she'd had at the time.

"I won't let Julian hurt my family," she whispered harshly, brutally wiping away a fresh crop of tears. "He won't get the chance to hurt my daughter."