Honestly Love You (Russells/Chad)-Chap. 8
by caroline crane
 
 

Whitney's first reaction when she climbed on Lavender's back was sheer terror; the horse hadn't looked so tall from down on the ground, but now that she was up in the saddle the ground suddenly seemed a lot further away than she'd expected. She grabbed the saddle horn and held on for dear life as Sheridan tried to reassure her. She held the reins and led Whitney out of the barn into the crisp winter air.

"You're doing great, Whitney. Now just relax and get used to being in the saddle. Don't worry, I won't let you fall."

Whitney took a deep breath and forced herself to relax, letting her arms and legs go limp as she settled into the saddle. To her surprise she found that she was enjoying the exhilaration of a new experience - her senses were on overload, from the smell of the barn to the feeling of having a living, breathing animal underneath her, and before she could stop it her first unguarded smile of the day lit up her face.

Sheridan glanced back at Whitney as she led the younger girl around the training ring, letting her get a feel for the saddle before they tried abandoning the stables for one of the paths winding along the Crane property. She smiled to herself as she watched Whitney's eyes light up with pure, innocent joy. It was the first time Sheridan had ever seen Whitney smile without looking as though it was causing her physical pain. She smiled to herself and turned away, looking out over the vast grounds as she led Whitney and Lavender around in a circle.

The view from the back of the horse was breathtaking - although she'd been in the mansion a couple times with Theresa and she'd gotten a glimpse of the grounds when they first walked out to the stables, Whitney had never really seen the vast expanse of lawn leading off into a ring of woods that made up the Crane property. She'd grown up in a comfortable house with a doctor for a mother, and most of her classmates considered her well-off. Compared to the Lopez-Fitzgeralds she supposed they were well-off, but in her wildest dreams she'd never imagined anything like the Crane property. As her eyes wandered over the lawn, with its formal gardens and stately walking paths, she couldn't help understanding what Theresa saw in the Crane lifestyle. The whole thing looked like something out of one of the Jane Austen novels she'd read for English class.

Finally Sheridan decided that Whitney was comfortable enough with the reins and the animal itself to try leaving the training ring. She saddled up her own horse while Whitney waited, scratching Lavender's ears and talking to her softly. Sheridan paused just outside the stables as she watched Whitney bonding with Julian's horse, smiling as she congratulated herself on making the perfect choice.

"Ready?" she asked as she led her own horse over to Whitney.

"I guess so," Whitney answered nervously. It was one thing to walk or even trot around the training ring, but leading a strange animal across the vast lawn and into the woods beyond was something else entirely.

"You're doing great," Sheridan assured her, sensing her reluctance to leave the confines of the stables. "Trust me, you're a natural. And Lavender's been doing this for a long time, basically all you have to do is hold on and she'll take care of the rest."

Whitney looked into her new friend's eyes and her warm smile and felt instantly more relaxed. Something about the way Sheridan smiled at her and the solid feeling of having Lavender underneath her filled her with a confidence that she'd never felt before, not even when she won an important tennis match or got a good grade in school. Usually when she won something or got singled out at school for being smart it embarrassed her and she shied away from the attention, but as she followed Sheridan across the lawn toward the trailhead she felt different somehow, more sure herself than she'd felt in a long time. Something about being outside in the crisp winter air with just Sheridan and the horses let her forget about the rest of her life and just be Whitney -- not Whitney the tennis star, or Eve Russell's daughter, or Simone's perfect older sister.

As they left the lawn behind them and slipped into the woods, she let go of all the pressure she'd been putting on herself about tennis and all the worry about disappointing her father and just lost herself in all the new sounds and smells overwhelming her senses. The air smelled like the first snow of winter, and the pines surrounding them sheltered them from the cold wind. Whitney sighed as she let the serenity of the quiet woods overtake everything else she was feeling. By the time they'd made their way around the whole path and come out on the other end of the lawn she wished she never had to go back to her life, that she could just stay in the shelter of the woods with Lavender forever. She sighed as her eyes fell on the Crane mansion and she forced herself back to reality.

They dismounted when they reached the stables and Sheridan showed Whitney how to put away her saddle and brush down her horse, allowing Whitney more time to spend stroking and talking quietly to Lavender as she brushed the mare. Finally Whitney reluctantly led her back to her stall and said one last goodbye before she followed Sheridan back to the cottage.

"Thanks so much, Sheridan, I had a wonderful time," Whitney said sincerely as she gathered her purse and stood in the doorway of the cottage.

"I'm glad, it was wonderful to have a riding companion again." Sheridan smiled sincerely and Whitney realized that she meant it. "I try to ride every morning, you're welcome to join me any time."

Whitney smiled, her heart skipping a beat at the thought of going riding with Sheridan again. "I'd love to, thank you." She let herself out of the cottage and headed home, her smile never fading as she replayed the events of the morning over and over in her head.

~

T.C. glanced up as Whitney walked into his office. She smiled shyly as she stepped just inside the door and stopped, glancing around as though she weren't sure what she was doing there.

"Hey, baby, come on in," T.C. said, gazing at her curiously. "Is something wrong?"

She slid into the chair across from his desk. "No, Daddy. I was just on my way home and I thought I'd stop by and say hi."

"Well, I'm always happy to see one of my girls. How'd it go this morning? Did you have a nice time with Sheridan?" His throat caught on the last word and he wondered again if it was smart to get Whitney involved with the Cranes.

"Yeah, I had a good time," she said, smiling nervously. The truth was that she'd practically floated to T.C.'s office on the euphoria of the morning, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him how wonderful it was. She couldn't tell anyone about the magic of riding a sweet, gentle horse through the eerie silence of the woods first thing in the morning. Even if she'd wanted to share the experience with her father she wouldn't have been able to find the words, she just knew that she wanted to do it again.

"And Sheridan? How was she?" T.C. asked, folding his hands on the desk in front of him. He pressed his fingers into his knuckles to keep himself from seeming too eager to hear her impressions of Meredith's daughter.

"Sheridan's great, she's really nice. I like her a lot."

"Good, baby. That's great. So you'll be going riding with her again?"

"Well, she invited me. If it's okay with you and Mom, of course."

"Sure it's okay. You deserve to have fun every once in awhile, you know." He smiled affectionately at her for a long moment - he loved both his daughters more than anything in the world, but he and Whitney had always shared a special bond because of her tennis career. As a child she'd showed a natural talent for the game, while Simone seemed more interested in dolls and clothes and running with her friends. Whitney had been an extremely focused girl from an early age, however, to the point that T.C. was afraid she'd never learn how to have fun. Then she started spending time with Theresa, though, and that seemed to give her the outlet she needed to let off steam.

As he gazed at the young woman sitting across from her he realized how serious she'd always been, how focused and eager to please. Even now, she was sitting on the edge of her seat, a bundle of nervous energy that looked as though she was about to take off at any moment. He sighed sadly as he wondered how much he'd contributed to her single-minded focus by encouraging her tennis career. "You know, baby, I just want you to be happy."

"I know that, Daddy. I am happy, really."

"You're sure. You don't regret not going to college right away?" He watched her face carefully for any sign of regret, but her features were a mask of earnest sincerity.

"No, of course not. Focusing on tennis was the right thing to do this year. I can go to college once the Nationals are over."

"Okay, baby, as long as you're sure. You go have fun with your friends now and I'll see you at home."

"Alright, Daddy. See you later." She smiled again and stood up, slipping out of his office as he turned to stare out the window behind him. She closed his office door and leaned against the doorframe for a moment, biting her lip to hold back tears. The truth was that she didn't know what she wanted any more than she knew why she was suddenly so sad all the time. She'd agreed to take a year off before starting college because it was important to her father that she make Nationals, and she didn't want to let him down by neglecting her game or getting bad grades in school. Then there was the question of where to go to college - part of her wanted to get far away from Harmony as fast as possible, but the rest of her was terrified to even consider the possibility of leaving behind everything she'd ever known.

Riding with Sheridan this morning had been the first sense of peace she'd had in ages, and the thought of it was thrilling and overwhelming at the same time. She didn't even know why something as simple as a horseback riding lesson would have such a profound affect on her, but lately her life had been in so much turmoil that she didn't question the little bit of peace that Sheridan and the Crane stables had given her.

"Whit, you okay?" Her eyes flew open as Chad's voice penetrated her thoughts, jarring her back to the confusing reality that had become her normal state of mind lately.

"I'm fine," she muttered, making the mistake of looking into his hazel eyes. She lost herself for a moment in the thousand questions they held, but she shrugged off the urge to reach out to him and instead wrapped her arms around her chest tightly. "I just stopped by to say hello to Daddy."

"It's just…you looked…" he stumbled over his words, not sure even as he was saying them what he was trying to tell her. Finally he let out a deep breath and the wall between them went up again. "See you around," he whispered, not quite meeting her eyes.

"Chad, wait," she wanted to say, "don't go." She wanted to grab his arm and make him look at her, make him listen while she told him how sorry she was that she believed the worst about him. She wanted him to know that she didn't want to believe it, that she'd fought against her instinct to push him away, but she wasn't strong enough. She wasn't strong enough to let him in her life, she didn't know how to let him in. But she couldn't do it - she opened her mouth but the words wouldn't come, and before she knew it he'd pulled open the door to T.C.'s office and disappeared inside, leaving her leaning against the doorframe, gasping for breath as she tried not to cry.

~

Alistair rapped his fingers impatiently on his enormous cherry desk as he waited for someone to pick up the phone in the mansion. He'd tried Julian's private line and his cell phone, but he hadn't been able to reach his dolt of a son all morning. Whether Julian was avoiding him or not Alistair didn't know, nor did he care. The point was that he couldn't rely on his only son, something he'd resigned himself to years ago. His entire life Julian had been ruled by his emotions, letting that common tramp infiltrate herself into his life and confuse him.

Alistair was sure she'd ruined Julian for the pressures of heading up Crane Industries, and although he'd attempted to circumvent her influence by paying her off and sending her away, Julian stubbornly insisted on obsessing over her to the point that he was willing to risk everything Alistair had worked for to be near her. "If Katherine hadn't coddled him so he might have been some use to me," Alistair muttered disgustedly as he hung up the phone. He shrugged off a wave of displeasure at the thought of his first wife - she'd been the daughter of a prominent businessman, and Alistair had gone into the marriage knowing that it made good business sense and nothing more. Katherine had different ideas, however, and when she found that Alistair wouldn't return her affection she showered it all on their son, taking an active role in his upbringing. They were constantly together, riding her beloved horses or walking in the garden or just sitting together in her bedroom as she regaled his impressionable young mind with fairy tale after fairy tale.

Her influence over him was so all-encompassing that it was more of a blessing than an inconvenience when she finally died. Julian was distraught over the loss of his beloved mother, but under Alistair's tutelage he learned to steel himself against such distracting emotions and focus on the practicalities of the business world. Still, the damage had been done, Alistair realized as he watched his son succumb to the silly notion of true love with that lounge singer. Even after he managed to show his son the woman's true colors by buying her off with medical school tuition Julian had clung to his notion of the way things could have been, pathetically seeking her out even after she was married.

The crowning point to Julian's stupidity, however, was that he actually managed to seduce her one last time after her marriage. Julian had always been a skirt-chaser, never bothering with such nuisances as discretion, but to attempt to renew an ancient affair with a woman that had chosen money over him - Alistair shook his head disgustedly as he remembered the whole unfortunate mess. It was after that final embarrassing incident that Alistair decided once and for all to skip over Julian and make Ethan the heir apparent of Crane Industries, but now even Ethan was turning out to be a disappointment.

Alistair shook his head sadly as he realized that Ethan had inherited more of his father's simpering need for true love than he realized. Ethan had never been as ruthless as Alistair had hoped, but at least he had the good sense to understand that the family business came before all else. At least Alistair thought he understood that until his foolish decision to date the housekeeper's daughter. If the situation couldn't be rectified he'd have no choice but to pass over Ethan as well as his father, leaving only young Damian as a potential heir. "Ethan will have to see reason," Alistair muttered sullenly, lifting the lid of his humidor and pulling out one of his favorite Cuban cigars. "If he doesn't, the consequences will be grave indeed."