More Than That - Chapter 18: Perception (Gwen/Luis)
by Jamie Witter
 
 

Chapter 18: Perception

You can see a lot by looking.
-- Yogi Berra

Luis slowly applied the disinfectant on Gwen’s wound and flinched when she hissed in pain. She was clutching the pillow on the sofa in her apartment and he wished it didn’t hurt her. They hadn’t exchanged a word since they had gotten back from the wharf. He had wordlessly seated her on the sofa, torn off her shirt – earning a gasp of protest from her, which he quickly glared down and had then started to tend to her wound. As soon as the wound was clean, he wrapped gauze around it and then inspected his handiwork. She was looking at him intently and instinct had him returning her blue gaze. “Better?”

“Yes,” she answered softly. Clearing his throat, he pushed off the couch and started to put the contents of her first aid kit away. At that moment, he wasn’t particularly interested in having a conversation with her because he was boiling mad. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her in the mugger’s grasp, a knife at her throat and fear shining in her eyes. Then he saw her looking vulnerable and alone that night in Boston and then the expressionless gaze she had the night before in his house when she left with Sheridan. “Are you okay?”

Her voice had his head snapping back and he looked at her confused. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you haven’t said a word to me ever since we got in the car,” Gwen replied holding his gaze with her eyes. Those eyes. Deep, blue and beautiful. Sparkling with joy, twinkling with mischief, hazy with desire…he loved how palpable her emotions were to him when he looked into her eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” he muttered and turned back to the first aid kit, closing it. He got off the sofa and headed for the table where she kept the liquor. Suddenly, he felt like drinking something to stop the burning feeling in his throat.

There were a few minutes of silence as he filled himself a glass of brandy. He heard her rummaging behind him but ignored her. More silence. “Thank you.”

“What?” he asked turning around again after finishing his drink.

“For saving my life,” she answered as she got off the couch and slipped out of her remaining clothes – her skirt. He looked at her, scantily clad in her designer lingerie and a wave of lust rolled in him. He ignored it and poured himself another glass of liquor. “I wanted to thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said wincing a little as he heard the coldness in his own voice. He turned to her and the unsettling feeling and darkness that had set over his heart sunk in deeper. She looked so small suddenly. Her eyes were wide with confusion and her face looked more vulnerable to him than it had in Boston. When he found his voice again, it sounded like a parent talking to a child. “You shouldn’t have been there in the first place.”

Her brows furrowed. “I was taking a walk.”

“In an deserted alleyway? So late at night?” he asked cocking his brow. “Are you really that stupid?”

He saw hurt flicker through her eyes for a second before her temper flared. “I needed to clear my head. I needed to be alone. I wasn’t walking in the alleyway; I was walking by the wharf. The man pulled me in. Suddenly, I’m not allowed to take walks?”

“You can take walks,” Luis conceded coldly. “If you have a death wish.”

“I can take care of myself!” Her voice rose, her hands were on her hips.

“Like you took care of yourself tonight,” Luis scoffed. “Tell me, do you always get a knife wound when you take care of yourself?”

“You’re acting as if this were my fault!” she cried, her cheeks flushed red and her eyes shooting daggers at him. He really didn’t know why they were fighting; he didn’t even know why he was so angry with her all of a sudden. “I didn’t plan this, Luis!”

“You should know better than to walk near the wharf alone at this time of night!” Luis retorted as he walked closer to her. “If I wasn’t there, I’m not sure you’d be here right now yelling at me.”

“Oh right,” she spat. “You got to play the hero again, didn’t you? Well who the hell asked you to? Who the hell asked you to save my life if you were just going to be such an golly about it! Not every woman needs a hero, Luis!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked angry. He had a sinking feeling that the argument was about to take a turn that he didn’t want it to take but he was too mad and too frustrated to care about it. If she wanted to have a knock down, drag out then he wasn’t going to back down.

Her eyes narrowed slightly and her hands came from her hips and settled crossed on her chest. “I’m not a damsel in distress, Luis. I’m not looking for a fairytale to sweep me off my feet and change my life forever. I’m not Sheridan.”

Luis felt as if someone had punched him in the gut. His voice was low. “What does she have to do with anything?”

“Everything,” she answered, her voice almost bitter. “If you think that you’re going to play the Prince to my Rapunzel then you’re sorely mistaken. I don’t need you to take care of me. I am not Sheridan. I don’t need a hero.”

Luis ran a hand through his hair. “Well at least now I know how you treat your friends. Does Sheridan know that you think she’s weak and pathetic?”

“Don’t twist my words!” Gwen accused and stepped closer to him. “Sheridan is my best friend and I am sympathize with how tough her life has been and I love her – but we’re not the same person. If Sheridan gets her fairytale then I am extremely happy for her. Sheridan needs a hero, I just need - ”

“A distraction, right?”

She clenched her jaw and then let out a frustrated sigh. “You just love being in control of women, don’t you? Your mother, your sisters, all your romantic endeavors – you just love being the savior and being Mr. Nobility, don’t you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“With Beth,” Gwen started. “You started to think things were going to get tough, so you just blew her off without even discussing it with her. You had too much responsibility, you had too many problems and you decided that it was all she could take. She could never be strong enough to stick by a her boyfriend, she could never be the shoulder you went to cry on – she couldn’t be your goddamn best friend because you were always in control, right? You didn’t like it any other way!”

“You don’t know about Beth and me!” Luis stated angrily as he faced her, looming over her.

“Like hell I don’t!” she raged. “It’s always that way with you, Luis! You just need to be so strong, you need to be the man…you never once considered that for a relationship to work you have to trust your partner!”

“I trusted Beth and Sheridan for that matter, with my life and my heart!” Luis replied, seething. Where was she going with this? Did she not know that she was plunging the knife a little deeper into his heart? “You weren’t there!”

“God Luis!” Gwen answered. “Open your eyes and look at your relationship with Sheridan. Hell, you were so wrapped up in saving her from her family and from her life that you didn’t even know what hit you when the relationship crumbled. Oh yeah sure for a while she didn’t submit to your advances and didn’t cower under your glare. She gave as good as she got and then some. But it all changed, didn’t it? Suddenly, you became the protector again, didn’t you?”

“Don’t,” His voice was low and dangerous. “Don’t do this.”

“Someone has to,” Gwen barked back. “Every time I mention Sheridan, every time you think of her, the pain comes back doesn’t it? You wished it would go away, don’t you? You wish that you could remember all the good parts of your relationship with her instead of the bad, don’t you? Newsflash for you, Luis! You won’t be able to! Not until you face your problems and realize what went wrong.”

“Gw - ”

She cut him off and continued. “It’s the same with your mother and your sisters. Your entire family for that matter! You’re so used to being the protector and the good guy…you’re so used to being the hero that you forgotten what it’s like to be at the other end. Damn Luis! You don’t always have to be so strong!”

As she finished her angry spiel, she stood in front of him panting, eyes blazing and cheeks flushed. He cursed at the fact that she was turning him on when he was so angry with her. He cursed the fact that he wanted to take her right then and there when she had just a minute ago had the guts and gall to tell him what no one else would. He stared at her levelly. “Are you done?”

“Yes,” she answered, her eyes softening for a second.

“Good,” he nodded and then reached out and pulled her to him, seizing her mouth in a rough and violent kiss. She whimpered against him for a minute and he could sense her about to pull away. He plundered her lips, taking in the sweetness and hotness of the mouth that had just yelled at him and she replied, meeting his tongue with hers. When he finally pulled away, the both rasped for air. Being careful with her wound, he stripped her of her remaining clothing and then kissed her again.

“Luis,” she moaned softly as he softly bit the junction between her neck and shoulder and then lowered them onto the couch and they quickly stripped him of his clothing as well. Their fight carried onto their lovemaking as he took her with an urgency, roughness and desperation that were foreign to him. He didn’t know what had possessed him to do it but knew that the unsettling feeling and darkness that was in his heart was spreading throughout him and taking his senses along for the ride.

They lay together hours afterward, their lovemaking varying from soft and tender to rough and urgent. She slept curled up away from him, her head buried in her pillow, her hair laying in soft waves across the pillow; a single strand brushing her face and her lips swollen from his kisses. He traced a path down her cheek with his index finger, softly so as not to wake her. She murmured in her sleep and then smiled, which caused him to do the same. The woman infuriated him – she had just told him everything he never wanted to hear without a moment’s hesitation. She was passionate in and out of bed. She was kind and tender and a hellcat through and through. He sighed.

“Open your eyes, you say,” he whispered to her softly. “I did, Gwen. And I can face what I see when I open them. It’s what I see when I close them that scares me.”