More Than That - Chapter 19: Words Don't Come Easy (Gwuis)
by Jamie Witter
 
 

Chapter 19: Words Don’t Come Easy
 

There is no need to say you love me,
It would be better left unsaid.
-- Spice Girls

Gwen was happy. She was in a beautiful meadow, the sun was shining brightly, the air was crisp and clean…she felt at peace. In control. She sighed as strong arms wrapped around her from behind and soft lips peppered kisses up and down her neck. Complete.

He was murmuring to her, telling her he cared, that she was beautiful and that without her he’d be so lost. Her brows drew together when he told her to open her eyes because it was getting late. “Late for what?” she wanted to ask because she wanted to stay there with him forever. Suddenly, his kisses stopped, he was nudging her and it was getting irritating. Finally she found her voice. “I want to stay!”

“Baby, it’s late,” he laughed lightly. “You can’t stay in bed all day.”

Bed? Oh right, she was sleeping. She was dreaming. She opened her eyes and they locked with Luis’ amused caramel ones. She had been dreaming. She smiled at him sheepishly and pushed herself up, dragging the sheet with her to cover her chest. He kept on smiling at her and then reached up to touch her face as her eyes landed on a tray that he had placed at the foot of the bed. There was a vase with a single rose, a plate of pancakes and a tall, healthy glass of orange juice. She raised an eyebrow at him. “Is that for me?”

He nodded and pulled the tray towards them, setting it on her lap. “Figured I had to do some groveling for being such an ass last night. This is to say I’m sorry.”

“I thought that was what the sex was for.”

He chuckled and she winced a little as a stab of pain ran up her injured arm. Luis’ amusement turned into concern as blue locked with caramel again. “Does it still hurt?”

“A little,” Gwen conceded as she picked up the fork and knife on the tray. “But I’m a fast healer. It’s really not that deep and after all, that which does not kill us only makes us stronger.”

“Very wise,” Luis smiled as she tore into her breakfast. “Hungry?”

“Famished,” she replied with a little grin. “I had a very rough night. Almost got mugged, almost got killed and had a horrible fight with my lover. I think the last one was the worse because he has a vile temper.”

He only smiled, and she knew he was wondering how she could make a joke out of something so dramatic as the night before. The way she saw it, she needed to make light of the matter because she had said some hurtful things to him and in the harsh light of day, she somehow wanted to try and soften the blow even if it might have been too late. “I’m the one with the vile temper? If I recall correctly, it was your fury towards me that was the turn on.”

She smiled but the sighed, looking at him seriously. “I’m sorry too.”

“You don’t have to be,” he replied and she placed her hand on his. “You were right. About everything.”

“But you were right too,” Gwen countered. “I wasn’t there when you went through everything that you did and I couldn’t even begin to imagine how hard it was for you to be the man of the house after your father left. And I surely wasn’t around for your relationship with Beth. I had no right to judge you on your failed relationships because Lord knows that it wasn’t flowers and sunshine for me and Ethan.”

“You weren’t judging,” he replied shaking his head. “I don’t regret what you said to me last night. I don’t resent you for saying it. If anything, I want to thank you for saying it.”

“You do?” Gwen asked incredulously.

“You showed me a side of myself I couldn’t deal with…didn’t want to accept. You showed me that there is a lot of fixing to be done inside me. I thought time would do the trick but it doesn’t work alone does it?” Luis asked with a lop-sided grin.

“No it doesn’t,” she answered with a soft smile. “I learnt that the hard way. The truth is you need courage and love and strength to heal with time as well. You had all of that in spades, Luis. You still do. But you need to stop pushing people away. You need to let people take care of you from time to time. People who will always be there for you.”

She let the words hang between them for a minute, hoping that somehow he would get the message and meaning of her words. And realize how much she wanted to be there for him. As a friend, as a lover…as anyway he would have her. He looked at her, intensely and then just smiled and shrugged. “The pancakes are getting cold. Why don’t I let you finish and go clean up in the kitchen?”

She blinked back the tears that threatened to surface at his nonchalance. She cleared her throat and smiled brightly. “Then I think I’ll take a shower. Join me?”

“I love the way you think,” he grinned and kissed the tip of her nose before leaving the room.

Gwen ignored the thoughts and emotions running through her head and heart long enough to finish her breakfast. Think about something else, she ordered herself. All that paper work you have at the office. Daddy’s condition. Dinner with Jacob. As soon as she drank the last drop of orange juice, she made a beeline for the bathroom and shut the door behind her. She stepped into the shower and turned the tap on, letting the warm water run over her sore body to relieve aching muscles. She closed her eyes and tried to block out all the images of the night before – all the images of Luis Lopez Fitzgerald that she had stored away in her memory from their night in Boston until a few minutes ago on her bed. But, of course, the images wouldn’t stay away. She was so engulfed by her thoughts that she didn’t hear him come into the bathroom and step into the shower behind her. She gasped when his arms came around her waist and his lips nuzzled the back of her neck. “Luis! I didn’t hear you come in.”

“I know,” he answered as water washed over both of them. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“Worth a lot more,” she murmured as he continued to kiss her and she fell into the blissful peace she had fallen into in her dream.

“Really? Must be some heavy stuff,” he conceded and kissed her shoulder. Slowly, he turned her around and his eyes zeroed in on a bruise on her arm. “This bruise? It’s on the other arm…how did it…did I do that to your arm?”

She locked gazes with him and could see the concern and worry in his eyes. She reached up and touched his face. “It’s okay, you know. We kind of hit the door on the way to bed last night. I didn’t even feel it then. I didn’t even know it was sore.”

“Gwen, I’m so sorry,” Luis said, stepping away from her slightly. He ran a hand over his face as water continued to fall from the showerhead above. “I don’t know how I could have been so rough…I don’t know what got-”

She silenced him with a kiss. “Forget about it. I enjoyed last night immensely. I was in the mood for blow-your-brains-out sex, anyway.”

He laughed against her lips and then kissed her soundly, his wet hands slipping over her wet body as he molded her to him. She sighed as they clung together in the shower, doing nothing but kissing – softly, teasingly, slowly…as if they had all the time in the world. Her dream crept into her brain, bringing the feeling of happiness along with it and she wanted so much to pull away from Luis and tell him about it. Tell him how she felt. But she didn’t. Besides, she rationalized when her heart mocked her for being scared. I’m not so sure there are even words for the way I feel right now.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Beth opened the door to her apartment to find Luis standing in his police uniform, a thoughtful expression on his face. She smiled pleasantly. “Hey Luis!”

“Hey Beth,” he said slowly as she let him in. “I need to talk to you.”

“Sure,” Beth said with a smile as she followed him into the living room. “I was going to take a break from writing, anyway. You’ve always been a welcome distraction.”

He grinned despite his mood. He loved how he could still flirt harmlessly with Beth and not have to worry about what his words meant or how they affected her. To Beth Wallace, he was an open book. “I aim to please.”

“So, what’s up?” she asked as they sat down on the couch and hugged a pillow to her chest. “Something life-altering or is this just one of those I-have-time-to-kill-so-let’s-update-Beth-on-my-life talks?”

“Charming,” he muttered. “I just need to say a few things to you. Things I should have said a long time ago but couldn’t find the words. You know I’ve always been bad with speeches.”

“Wow, this sounds serious.”

He took a deep breath and looked at her. “I love you, you know that, right?”

“Of course.”

“I have always loved you. Even when were in and out of our relationship, even when I pushed you away from my life, even when you pushed back and tried your damndest to get back into my life and I thought I hated you…I loved you. I pushed you away because I loved you. And it was one of the worse decisions I made in my life.”

“What are you saying?” she asked softly.

“I’m saying that I needed you back then,” Luis replied taking her hand in his. “I needed you to be my friend and I needed you to be my girlfriend but I was trying to be noble and it blew up in my face. I spent so many nights in bed missing you…wanting nothing but to have you hold me and say everything was going to be all right. But I was so damn stubborn. I couldn’t let anyone in because it would mean that I was weak…and Mama and Theresa and Miguel didn’t need weakness.”

“I know that, Luis.”

“Do you Beth? Do you really know how much I regret losing you to my stupid need to be in control all the time?”

“No,” Beth said solemnly. “No regrets, Luis. You needed to be strong, you needed to be in control and I didn’t understand that back then because I was selfish. I wanted you to need me like I needed you.”

“I did need you.”

“I know that now,” Beth replied stroking his cheek. “But don’t think for a second that I regretted what happened between us. You have given me so many beautiful memories. You were my first kiss, my first love, my first time…you are such a big part of who I am now. You taught me how to love, Luis. And now, I can love Hank the way I am meant to and we can have a life together. So nothing bad came out of our relationship…not in the long run at least.”

Luis smiled, feeling a sudden sense of closure. He laughed and pulled Beth into a hug. “It took us thirteen years to say that to one another. Is that pathetic or what?”

Beth returned the hug and laughed into his chest. “Not if we promise never to let it happen again.”

“Never,” Luis said and kissed her forehead.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Gwen walked to Eve’s office at the hospital. She had come by to ask Eve truthfully how well her father had recovered and had just found out that Eve was taking a break in her office. She heard voices from inside. A woman spoke, “It’s going to be hard on her.”

“Yes,” Eve answered the other woman. “But Sheridan’s a strong woman.”

Gwen’s ears perked up at the mention of her friend’s name. The women spoke up again. “But she’s so young. And so pretty. It’s so tragic.”

“Makes you wonder why The Lord would choose to take her away from here,” Eve agreed and Gwen gasped as the implications set in. What in the world did she mean by that? “Sheridan has leukemia. There’s no getting around it.”

Gwen felt heat rise to her cheek and her mouth drop open as the other woman spoke. “How long, doctor? How long does Sheridan Crane have to live?”

Well, she’s already on borrowed time,” Eve answered strained. “She won’t let us continue with her treatment. I don’t know how much more her body can take but the best professional guess I can make is not long. She doesn’t have very long.”

No! Gwen’s mind screamed as pieces of the puzzle started to fit into place. The dullness in Sheridan’s eyes, her ailing health, the mysterious errands for Ivy at the hospital. Her friend’s words from two nights ago rung in Gwen’s mind.

Some of us don’t have that luxury, Gwen.

Backing away from the door, Gwen ran blindly and disbelievingly to her car, unsteadily getting in and driving to the Crane Estate. Tears of guilt and pain and disbelief were streaming down her face and she almost hit a tree, driving in her emotional state. Sheridan’s dying…She doesn’t have much longer to live…She’s dying…Oh God, this can’t be…

When she got to the cottage, she walked rapidly to the door, intent on yelling at her best friend for lying. Guilt and pain was replaced with anger as she knocked on the door. Sheridan opened the door a few minutes later, dressed in a pale blue robe that matched her once sparkling blue eyes. “Gwen, hey-”

Gwen met Sheridan’s eyes. “Is it true? Are you dying, Sheridan?”