More Than That - Chapter 23: Falling Through
 by Jamie Witter
 
 
 

Chapter 23: Falling Through

It’s all ending,
We gotta stop pretending
Who we are.
-- No Doubt “Don’t Speak”

Luis stared at the flames that seemed to be mocking him, as they leapt and crackled in the fireplace and then he scowled. He ran his index finger over the rim of mug of coffee in his hand, wondering if he should make it Irish by adding alcohol. Ever since he had left Gwen’s apartment he had the driving need to become completely and totally wasted so that he could become numb and not feel a single thing. But his mother was in the kitchen, making dinner and he knew he needed to stay sober for her.

So, putting the needs of his family before his own needs, he opted for coffee. Coffee made him jittery. It made him restless. And worst of all he was so alert that ultimately coffee made him think. And that was something he didn’t want to do. He wanted the Earth to swallow him whole so he could disappear and never have to face all the problems and feelings in his life.

Never have to face the fact that Sheridan Crane was dying.

Slamming the mug in frustration on the coffee table in front of him, he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had found out that his ex was battling leukemia, that she didn’t have a lot of time and that they had somehow grown so far apart from what they were that she didn’t even think it was important to tell him face to face. And then Gwen dumped him. Scowling again, Luis decided to concentrate on his dilemma with Sheridan rather than think about how calmly Gwen had broken off their relationship – as if she had done it a million times before.

Concentrating on Sheridan was more important at the moment.

“How do I look?” she asked as she stepped out in the living room of her cottage dressed in a dazzling maroon dress. She turned for him as he glanced up from the pile of paperwork in front of him.

“Yeah, great!” Came Luis’ unenthused reply.

He heard her take in a sharp breath and when he looked up he could see anger and hurt shining brightly in her blue eyes. Warily he gave her another once over, taking in every curve and every piece of skin that was visible and then met her eyes again. “You’re not dressed.”

“For what?”

“Luis!” Sheridan whined frustrated. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him angrily. “My friend Andrea is having an engagement party…ring any bells? You promised you would go. And you forgot!”

Luis sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Yeah, I did.”

“Well, you can still get dressed,” she said irritated.

“I can’t go,” Luis replied calmly. “I have all this work. There is no way I am going to that party. I’m sorry, I am just completely swamped.”

“This is so typical of you, Luis!” Sheridan yelled. “You promised!”

“I am sorry!” Luis stated but there was no trace of apology in his voice. Instead it was laced with incense. “I work for a living, Sher. I can’t throw it all away to attend a party thrown by one of your many important friends!”

“You think I don’t know that you work? God, you throw it in my face every single day! And we don’t always go out to party. Actually we rarely leave this damned cottage!” Sheridan yelled back, her hands flailing above her. “Just once, I’d like you to cut loose and have some fun.”

“I can’t afford to have fun,” Luis answered. “I’m working, Sheridan!”

“It’s not like we need the money!” she retorted.

That had snapped the little restraint he had left. He got off the couch, walked up to her, hands on hips and his caramel eyes black with fury. “Maybe you don’t need the money Sheridan, but I do. I’m not the rich one in this relationship Sheridan and I’m not the one with the inheritance. I actually have to work for my money. So maybe you can go out and afford to hang out with your rich friends in your rich cars but I can’t.”

Her eyes shined with unshed tears and controlled anger and his fury-filled heart only hardened as she lifted her jaw and stared back at him coldly. “Fine. I’ll go myself and have the time of my life.”

“I never said you couldn’t,” he shot back tightly. “Go do whatever it is you rich people do and let me finish my work.”

She had stomped out of the house and slammed the door, leaving him with his paperwork – something he never even finished because he was so angry. They had never fought about money after they had gotten together. It wasn’t even an issue. Luis’ features darkened considerably.

“Hey Luis,” Miguel’s familiar voice snapped him out of his scowling long enough to look up and see his younger brother and his angelic fiancée. “Wow, are you a grumpy sight to behold.”

Charity smacked him and then smiled at Luis. “Are you okay?”

“No Charity, I really am not,” Luis answered and took a sip of his coffee. “But don’t worry about me. Nothing I can’t handle.”

After a pause, Charity nodded, patted Luis on the shoulder in sympathy and then went into the kitchen. Miguel took in a deep breath and sat down beside Luis, giving his older brother an expectant look. “So, do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t even want to think about it,” Luis mumbled. “But really can’t do much about that.”

“So talking can help,” Miguel prodded and then grinned. “I’m a good listener. Besides, I have always wanted to be in the position here you dump all your problems on me so that I can help you rather than the other way around.”

Luis sighed. “I just had a weird fight with someone and found something out – something terrible.”

“Before you say anything,” Miguel interrupted and then cleared his throat. “I thought I should let you know that I know about you and Gwen.”

Luis’ eyes flew to his brother’s surprised. “How?”

“I saw the two of you heading back to her apartment…you looked incredibly close so I asked Antonio about it and he told me. You’re not mad, are you?”

“No,” Luis answered. “Just surprised you aren’t freaking out.”

“I’m not going to judge you or anything.”

Luis smiled at his brother gratefully, knowing full well that Miguel was going to be comparatively easy to talk to about Gwen than his mother or Theresa. Slowly and painfully, Luis continued to explain everything that had happened in Boston and how they continued their affair in Harmony. Miguel nodded, eyes wide but not saying a word. Then Luis dropped the bomb about Sheridan. “Gwen told me this morning.”

“Luis,” Miguel said putting a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “I am so sorry. Have you talked to her? Confirmed it? Seen her, even?”

“She doesn’t want me to.”

“Are you kidding me?” Miguel asked surprised. “Of course she wants you to. You two have a connection – or had one. That type of things doesn’t just go away. Go see her, Luis. You know you have to.”

“Yeah,” Luis stared back into the fire. “I know it doesn’t.”

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

“Gwendolyn?” Jacob said as he peeped through the crack of his sister’s office and found her sitting at the desk, looking engrossed in her work. She looked up, smiled and motioned for him to come in. “I wanted to know if you’d like to join me for dinner.”

“I’d really love to,” Gwen answered with a regretful smile. “But I have so much work to do. I’ve been so far behind.”

“Yes well, you’ve been busy with Harmony’s finest,” Jacob teased as he leaned against her desk.

Something clouded over in her eyes and she averted her gaze from him, letting out a small nervous laugh. “Well, now that that is over. I can get back to important things.”

“What do you mean that it’s over?” Jacob asked, his eyebrows drawing together in concern. “Did that bloody man dump you? I’ll wring his neck.”

“Jake,” Gwen said sternly, her eyes pleading with him not to push. But he raised an eyebrow expectantly. She sighed. “He didn’t dump me. I dumped him.”

“I see.” Jake said pushing off the desk and walking around it to her swivel chair. “And may I ask why?”

“Because I…” Gwen stuttered and then calmed down to answer him evenly. “These sort of things come to point where it doesn’t work anymore and they end. You should know, Jake. You’ve been there plenty of times, now haven’t you?”

“Yes, I have but that’s because it’s me. I don’t have serious relationships. But you on the other hand do. And as much as you try to deny it to me, I know you, pet. And I know that your little affair with Luis made you happy. The happiest I’ve seen you in a long time.” Concern was laced in every word and Gwen put a hand on his.

“Jake, I’m fine,” she replied. “I just didn’t feel like Luis and I had a future. He took it quite well, so I suspect that he didn’t think so either. I’m really fine.”

“The mere fact that you have to try and convince me that you’re fine says that you’re not,” he countered and pulled her off the chair, so that she was facing him. “Tell me, love. What’s the real reason?”

Gwen met her brother’s compelling gaze and her resolve to act as if nothing was bothering her crumpled quickly. Closing her eyes and drawing in shaky breath she told him about Sheridan and then how she broke up with Luis. “She needs him.”

“So do you,” Jake countered softly.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, sniffed and then let out a chuckle. “Luis belongs to Sheridan and vice-versa. She may be to stubborn to see this but she wants him there and I will not be the one keeping him from her…not when she’s going through this. I’m glad that I ended this before my feelings developed into something more.”

Jake clucked his tongue. “I suspect that you’re a little too late for that, pet.”

Gwen met her brother’s eyes again, realizing that he knew exactly how she felt about Luis. Swallowing the lump that rose in her throat she averted her eyes and shuffled the papers on her desk. “Don’t think I’m being noble at all, Jake. I’m doing this for my own selfish reasons, too. I don’t want to be the other woman, again. And I don’t want to be part of a tug-of-war I know I am going to lose. I won’t be humiliated like that again.”

“Gwen,” Jake said pulling at her arms and forcing her to look at him again. “I know you’re scared but if you don’t try you’ll never know. People and relationships change. The question you have to as yourself is, do you love him enough to fight for him?”

She shook her head vehemently and fought back tears. “No, I won’t do that again. The real question is, do I love him enough to let him go. And I guess we both know the answer to that.”