More Than That - Chapter 22: Sweet, Silent Torment (Gwen/Luis)
 by Jamie Witter
 
 
 

Chapter 22: Sweet, Silent Torment

When a woman who has much to say says nothing, her silence can be deafening.
-- Anna and the King

Luis, who was staring at the television screen, frowned as he watched Gwen go from her bedroom, to the kitchen and back doing mindless things like moving a pen or putting the cordless phone back in its cradle. She had barely said two words to him on the way back from the club and refused to look at him even once since they got in the car. He played the night over and over in his mind, trying to think of something he had said or done to receive the silent treatment from her, but all he could remember was Gwen laughing at something Hank said or chatting with Beth like there was no tomorrow. Occasionally, she would glance at him when she thought he wasn’t looking at then would turn back to one of his friends.

Deciding to stop pondering about Gwen’s behavior, he got off the couch in the middle of the living room and turned off the television set. He could hear Gwen rummaging in the kitchen and instead of confronting her; he walked over to the wall unit, turned on the radio and waited. The rummaging stopped and Gwen walked into the living room, a puzzled expression on her face. Her questioning eyes met his and he arched an eyebrow. “Care to dance?”

“You want to dance?” she asked, an almost disbelieving tone in her voice.

“I have been known to be good at it,” he answered coolly, walking up to her determined. She instantly took a step back, her expression turning from perplexed to scared. Luis felt something heavy at the pit of his stomach, wondering what in the world made her scared of his touch. You bruised her arm last night, his conscience reminded. She probably doesn’t want a repeat performance. Something coiled in his stomach but he managed to remain calm. “Gwen? Is something wrong?”

“No,” she said, her eyes darting to everything in the room but him. “I just have to put some stuff away. The kitchen is a mess.”

“You can do it later,” he urged. “I want to dance with you. To hold you.”

Her gaze locked with his and he could almost see her melt. She tucked her hair behind her ear and nodded. Steeping closer she offered him her hand and he took it being very gentle. Wordlessly, she brought one hand to his shoulder as the other remained in his. Smiling at her, he pulled her closer and she slid both arms around his neck as he held her waist.

Are you ready maybe?
Are you willing to run?
Are you ready to let yourself drown?
Are you holding your breath?
Are you ready or not?

She giggled, almost nervously. “For the last two hours we’ve been in a club with a live band playing some wonderful songs and we hardly danced. What’s with the sudden urge?”

Luis shrugged, looking down at her with a mischievous smile. “I like when we dance in private.” He tugged her a little closer. “It’s more intimate this way.”

Ooh ooh so put your arms around me
You let me believe that you are someone else
Ooh ooh cause only time can take you
So let me believe
That I am someone else

She laughed and rested her head on his shoulder as his face buried in her floral smelling hair. He closed his eyes and took in her scent, relishing in the feeling of her in his arms just like this – doing nothing but swaying gently to the music. They danced quietly for the next few moments, the music and the rustling of their clothes the only sound that could be heard. The she lifted her head from his chest and looked up at him, puzzled again yet a hint of mischief in her blue depths. “Are you trying to seduce me, Luis Lopez Fitzgerald?”

He crushed her to him and leaned down, his lips inches away from him. “That was the plan, but now it seems like we’re way past the seduction stage.” His fingers trailed up her arm and the pulled at the spaghetti straps that were holding the lavender material to her body. “I guess we can get to the love making.”

“We could,” she answered her voice sounding strangely controlled. “Or we could just continue to dance. I want to remember this night so I kind of want to make it last.”

He chuckled and kissed her bare shoulder. “Either way, I get to hold you.”

Make me believe
Take me take me
Somewhere
Somewhere
Let me believe…

The song finished and changed into another soft one and Luis was glad he put it on a station that didn’t like to blast heavy metal. He was surprised that his nerves were on edge as he held her. He desperately wanted to ask he why she was so quiet, why she seemed afraid of him, why she refused to talk to him and more importantly, if he had done something to upset her. But as she clung to him, pressed her soft body against his and murmured the words to the song over his shoulder, he was at a loss for words.

She lifted her head off his chest again and looked at him, her blue eyes searching his. He tried to figure out what she was thinking but her usually palpable eyes were clouded and blocked as if she were trying desperately to hold something back. Deciding that he couldn’t take anymore of her silence he lowered his head and seized her lips in a gentle yet coaxing kiss. She resisted at first and that stunned him but as he traced her lips with his tongue, she moaned and let him deepen the kiss.

Instead of meeting his tongue in a passionate duel, she surrendered completely and let him explore her mouth. He broke away from her mouth and started to place, light feather-like kisses on her jaw and neck. She shuddered in his arms, just clinging to him and letting him set the pace. She was surrendering herself, offering – letting him worship her with his lips and hands. Realizing what she was doing, he bent down and swooped her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom.

Once they were there, he placed her beside the bed and tugged at her dress, letting it fall to the floor. He led her to the bed and as she lay down, he stripped himself of his clothing and then joined her on the bed. Slowly, he captured her lips in another gentle kiss. She moaned softly as he continued to explore her body with his hands. His kisses were gentle, soft caresses, light teases, whispers of pressure against her lips and heated skin. Her fingers trailed slowly and leisurely over his skin and her lips placed soft kisses on his shoulders and neck. This passionate embrace was different from their usual lovemaking, which was always urgent and fiery or fast and furious, something that was always in the moment –heat against heat and a passion that couldn’t be extinguished. But now, their lovemaking had taken the gentler route – lazy, teasing, thorough - so that every sense was heightened and every part of their bodies were heated and aroused. And they had made it to the bed.

No words were exchanged as he slipped into her easily and she wrapped her legs around him, welcoming him and craving release. He moved inside her slowly, their eyes connected the whole time as they rode towards climax. She shuddered sensually and he kissed her softly silencing the words she wasn’t going to speak and drowning out the emotions that had taken over. “Luis…”

He spiraled out of control and buried his face in her hair, waiting until the tremors in her body and his stopped. A thin sheen of sweat covered them and he moved them under the thin linen on her bed. She spooned against him and he curled his arm around her middle, listening to her breathing return to normal. In a matter of minutes, she was asleep and he kissed her neck, watching her contented face. “Goodnight, Gwen.”

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

She was doing it again.

When he had woken up in the morning, she was already dressed and in the kitchen, making breakfast. He showered and changed into his uniform and joined her at the table. She smiled half-heartedly as he sat down across from her. “Good morning, Gwen.”

“Good morning, Luis,” she answered and took a sip of her coffee.

“Did you sleep okay?” He thought that he should start with small talk.

“Yeah,” she answered shortly, looking at everything but him. “You?”

“The same,” he answered with a nod. What’s with her? Luis thought to himself as he ate his eggs. Did last night mean anything to her? Suddenly a thought slammed into his head and the meal in front of him looked distasteful. Does she want this to be over? Had he been reading all the signals wrong? Maybe she was trying to think of a way to let him down without hurting his feelings.

“At some point, one or sometimes both people involved go in deeper.” Antonio’s words of caution rang in his head. Is that what was happening? Had he taken the relationship to mean something deeper and Gwen was still the same? Had she picked up on that and decided to keep him at arms’ length?

He looked at her over the table, trying to pick up some sort of reassurance from her that the relationship wasn’t over; that when she had said that she cared about him, she meant it. And what if she didn’t? A voice asked. Will you be able to walk away if she takes it back and wants to end the affair?

Yes, Luis said sternly in his head. I will walk away. We both knew that this wouldn’t last long. He looked at her again, sitting calmly and quietly, eating her breakfast like nothing worried her and he felt like a fool for getting so worked up over her. If she can stay so detached, then so can I. They finished the meal in silence and he offered to put the dishes away, while she got dressed for work. He waited for her in the living room, debating on whether or not to ask her where she stood.

When she emerged from the room, he plunged forward. “Gwen, is something wrong?”

She looked at him puzzled. “Excuse me?”

“Wrong,” Luis repeated almost tersely. “I asked if something was wrong.”

Gwen looked at him for a minute, her eyes unsure and then nodded slowly. “Yes, actually there is something wrong.”

Steeling his nerves, he continued. “Mind telling me what?”

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and placed a hand on her stomach as a nervous gesture. He arched an eyebrow in concern but waited silently as she struggled for words. “This thing between us…it has to end.”

His heart plummeted but he managed to keep an outward appearance of calm. Slowly, he crossed his arms over his chest and held her gaze. “Oh.”

She took a step forward, her eyes trying desperately to convey something to him but he was too hurt by her words to comprehend it. Instead, he turned away from her, hoping that it seemed like more of a careless gesture than a cowardly one. “There’s something going on that you should know about.”

“You don’t need to explain,” he said over his shoulder and shrugged. He turned to her and gave her a cool smile. “It’s not the end of the world, is it? I mean I knew that it wouldn’t last forever.”

She seemed hurt by his words for a second but then quickly covered it up, and nodded. “Right. But I think that you should know something. I am not sure if it’s my place to tell you but somehow, I think I am doing the right thing.”

“Oh yeah?” he asked. “What is it?”

“It’s about Sheridan.” Her eyes connected with his, unshed tears glistening in them. Part of him wanted to hold and comfort her and part of him was rooted to the spot as she continued to explain what she meant. “She’s sick, Luis. She has leukemia.”

Luis felt as if he’d been slapped across the face and hit in the gut at the same time as he listened to Gwen explain that Sheridan was dying and that she didn’t have a lot of time left. She told him that she’d stopped the chemotherapy but none of the words registered in Luis’ brain. “Wh... How…When did you find out?”

“Yesterday,” she answered shakily. “I was fighting my conscience all night wondering if I should tell you or not. Sheridan never said that I couldn’t but then again she doesn’t know about us…” Luis nodded slowly, understanding why Gwen had been acting strange. But his emotions were in a tailspin and his brain was muddled. “Secrets have a way of getting out and I don’t want her to find about us when she’s going through this. She won’t admit it, but she needs the people that love her to be beside her.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?”

“I don’t know,” Gwen admitted. “All I know is that you need to be there for her, even if she won’t admit that she needs and wants you there.”

“If she doesn’t want me - ”

“She wants you there,” Gwen replied firmly, her eyes cool and her composure collected. “And I know there is a part of you that wants to be there for her. I think you should be there for her, too.”

Luis stood there for a minute, his thoughts confused and his emotions rampant. She looked determined, not hurt that she was ending the relationship. She was unperturbed and determined as she stared at him, her jaw set and her arms folded across her chest. He looked away from her, nodded slowly and walked towards the door. He opened it and turned to face her, his own face a mask. “I’ll come back for my stuff later.”