More Than That - Chapter 26: Hurt (Gwen/Luis)
 by Jamie Witter
 
 

Chapter 26: Hurt

If love were a choice: who would choose such exquisite pain?
-- Anna and the King

It almost seemed like the perfect day to Gwen as closed her eyes and took a deep breath, the balmy spring breeze running over her skin like a gossamer silk scarf. The sun was shining brightly, but not beating down harshly on the people gathered on the Crane Estate for Sheridan’s birthday barbeque. She had to admit that only Sheridan could get all these people, who under any other circumstance, wouldn’t be caught dead around each other to show up.

“Lovely day for a party wouldn’t you say?” Jacob said as he came to stand beside her, handed her a glass of ice tea and scanned the mismatched group of people sprawled on the Estate. Gwen simply rolled her eyes and took a greedy gulp of the refreshing liquid. “I’m dying to see all these people try and be civil to one another today. Especially Julian and Chief Bennett. Bet you five dollars that by the end of this barbeque there will at least be some name-calling and hair pulling.”

“Jake!” Gwen exclaimed incredulously. “This is a birthday party for Sheridan! Not a horse race! Please swear to me that you won’t try and egg anyone on. And stay away from Beth Wallace.”

“I make no promises I can’t keep,” he grinned and slipped on his sunglasses. “I will be on my best behavior…and that’s not really that good.”

“You’re incorrigible,” Gwen laughed she scanned the Estate before crossing her arms over her chest again. “Seriously, I hope everything goes off without a hitch. I want this birthday…that may very well be Sher’s last, to go off without any bloodshed. She deserves this one special moment.”

Jacob pocketed his hands and hitched his head in the direction of Sheridan’s cottage. “And here comes the birthday girl now.”

Gwen turned to see Sheridan emerge from her cottage a bright smile on her face and lovely blue dress clinging to her slim form. She winced as she realized how much of a toll cancer had taken on Sheridan’s healthy body. However Gwen’s bright smile upon seeing her friend so happy was immediately turned into a frown as she grasped what it was that had Sheridan glowing.

Luis came out of the cottage seconds later.

Gwen felt as if her heart had plummeted to the bottom of her stomach and as hard as she tried she couldn’t keep the knot from forming in her throat. When Jacob placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, she closed her eyes and willed her strength to help her get through this day. Managing a nonchalant smile, she looked at her brother. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not,” he answered calmly. “But you’re strong. Let’s go greet the birthday girl, okay pet?”

She smiled wider grateful that her brother was there to support her and walked over to Sheridan with him. The blonde smiled brightly as Gwen approached and the two embraced. “Happy birthday, Sher. Many happy returns.”

“Thank you, Gwen,” Sheridan replied over her shoulder. Gwen’s eyes landed on Luis, who stood there hands in his pockets and his face an expressionless mask. Sheridan pulled out of Gwen’s arms and smiled at Jacob. “Jake, so good to see you! Thank you for coming.”

Jacob smiled grandly. “And miss the party of the century? Never. Happy birthday, darling.”

Sheridan giggled and kissed his cheek. Gwen watched as everyone gathered around to wish Sheridan and avoided meeting Luis’ gaze. She could feel the nonchalance radiating off of him as he stood behind her and she had to fight the urge to run away and cry. Standing there, knowing that Luis felt nothing but indifference for her after whatever it was they had together was something she couldn’t bear.

Nothing was worse than knowing that the man you were so hopelessly in love with couldn’t even muster up a smile or acknowledge you in any way. It would have been better if he had told her that he hated her. At least that way she’d know that he had felt something.

“Very well,” the man behind the party announced loudly and Gwen had to giggle at the picture the illustrious Julian Crane painted. The rich man’s head was adorned with a chef’s hat and he wore a white apron, with the words “Kiss The Cook” on them. “Grab a plate everyone. As you locals would say – get ‘em while they’re hot.”

“Still the same stuck up snob,” Hank complained to Beth as everyone followed Julian to the barbeque, laughing and teasing.

“The same snob that’s trying to mend fences with his sister,” Beth replied looking at Sheridan. “It may be long overdue, but I think it’s sweet.”

The birthday girl nodded and looked in her brother’s direction. “If only we could’ve done things this way always. Somewhere underneath the jaded Julian Crane is a good man. I’m just sorry that I didn’t realize that before. I guess I was too caught up in my own problems.”

“Hey,” Luis said finally and softly grabbed Sheridan’s elbow. “I thought we decided that today was going to be a happy, regret free day.”

Sheridan threw him an apologetic smile and then yawned. Beth knitted her brows together in concern. “Sher, you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she reassured, waving her had dismissively. She then shot Luis a mischievous look. “You’d be yawning too if Luis woke you up at the crack of dawn to give you your birthday present.”

Gwen’s head snapped up at the comment and this time, her gaze connected with Luis’ impenetrable one as an uncomfortable silence fell between the people who knew about her little relationship with him. Feeling something churn in her stomach, Gwen eyes’ widened and she barely managed to keep her tears at bay before she could turn away. “Excuse me…I’ll be back.”

She quickly stalked away from the little group and headed for a secluded place on the estate to gather her bearings. She heard footsteps behind her and her breathing hitched, thinking that it was Luis. She didn’t know whether to be relieved that Luis wouldn’t get the chance to see her cry or disappointed that he didn’t care when Jacob showed up in front of her. “Pet, you can’t just run away like that.”

Gwen swept her arms in a dramatic gesture. “I couldn’t stand there and smile anymore! Did you hear them at all, Jake? This whole ‘we’ thing! And he woke up her in the morning! That means he spent the night! And he gave her, her present? God, do you know how much I don’t even want to think about what that might be?”

“Maybe you’re jumping to conclusions.”

Gwen shook her head and hated the fact that her cheeks were getting hot, signaling the inevitable waterworks. “Have you seen the look on her face? She’s glowing, Jacob! The last time I saw her this happy was when she was with Luis. So the probability of them getting back together now? Not so slim anymore. Hell, he’s probably already back in her bed now!”

She didn’t even realize that tears were already streaming down her cheeks, until Jacob took a step forward and wiped them away. He looked at her sympathetically before pulling her into his arms and giving her calming hug. “I know it looks bad. And I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

Gwen felt her tears coming faster as she sought comfort. “I love him so much. And I feel so guilty about it. I don’t want to rob her of her happiness. I don’t know what to do. It hurts to see them together. It’s deja vu all over again. I don’t want to be the bad guy this time, Jake.”

Jacob ran a hand over her back and then pulled away. He lifted his sister’s chin up and smiled at her reassuringly. “Listen to me. You’re not the bad guy understand? No one is in this situation. From what I know of this Luis character, he doesn’t seem like the kind of man that rubs things in people’s faces. You’re both adults and you both decided to have an affair. If there were any blame to be assigned it would be to the both of you. Okay? You’ve done nothing wrong, pet.”

“Then why do I feel so crappy?” She sniffed.

“Because it’s a crappy situation,” he replied sincerely and smiled a little. “But you’re a Hotchkiss and you’re stronger than you think. If you love this man and if he can’t love you in return, it will still be okay. The one thing I know about you, is that you’re not defined by which man is by your side. You’re wonderful as you are - and if Luis wants to give that up then it’s utterly his loss.”

Gwen managed a wavering smile. “Thank you, Jake.”

He grinned. “No problem. You ready to go back?”

“No,” she answered truthfully and cast a glance at Luis for far away. He was smiling as he continued to talk to Beth. God, she loved him. “But it’s not like I can hide forever.”

Jake hooked her arm in his and they walked back to the party. “That’s my girl.”

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

The sun was slowly setting and the guests were starting to linger. Chad Harris had appointed himself the disc jockey again and had turned on some music so the couples could enjoy a few dances.

Hank walked up to Gwen who was sitting on a lawn chair with a semi-smile. “Your brother just cut in with my fiancée.”

She smiled at him apologetically. “I think I should let you know that my brother is harmless.”

Hank raised an eyebrow in the direction of her brother and Beth who were laughing as he twirled her under his arm. “I don’t think so.”

Gwen rolled her eyes. “Hank, Beth loves you. It is the most prominent emotion in her eyes every time she looks at you. Don’t worry about my brother. He just likes making trouble.”

“Charming,” he stated wryly.

She laughed. “He’s of no threat at all. I promise you.”

“Wanna dance?”

Her eyes flitted over to Sheridan and Luis who were dancing closely together and then smiled up at the brown-haired man. “Why not?”

He led her in between all of the couples just as another song started to play. She smiled as his arms came around her waist and she placed her on his shoulders. He offered no words and they fell into a silence as the soft words of the song played across the Crane Estate.

This is the place where I sit
This is the part where I love you too much
Is this as hard as it gets?
Cuz I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough

As the lyrics penetrated into Gwen’s mind, her eyes immediately flew to Luis over Hank’s shoulder. This time, he was looking back – something intense and raw in those eyes she had come to love so much.

How was it that life had a way of playing the right song at the wrong time?

I'm here if you want me
I’m yours, you can hold me
I'm empty and achin'
And tumblin' and breakin'

Luis smiled absently at something Sheridan was saying and continued to stare at Gwen, both of them unable to tear their gazes away.

Cuz you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could

“You know that you’re torturing yourself, right?” Hank asked softly.

“Yeah,” she responded finally looking away because the sight of Luis was just too much to bear. “I know. But sometimes you hit rock bottom so hard and so fast, it really doesn’t matter what you do anymore.”

After a pause, he smiled slightly. “Well there is a bright side.”

“What’s that?”

“If you’ve ht rock bottom then only way left to go is up.”

They danced the remainder of the song in silence.

And then, familiar Latin music started to play. Gwen’s watched curiously Chad Harris talk excitedly to Luis and Sheridan and then walk away. Then after a minute of deliberation on their parts, the two finally started to dance one of their famous tangos.

Gwen felt something squeeze her heart so forcefully that it hurt. The awful churning sensation returned to her stomach. Smiling tightly, she looked up at Hank. “Up, huh?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lyrics: "You Don't See Me" by Josie and the Pussycats