More Than That - Chapter 43: Just Breathe (Gwen/Luis)
by Jamie Witter
 

Chapter 43: Just Breathe

Caught up in the touch,
The slow and steady rush.
Baby, isn’t that the way love supposed to be?
I can feel you breathe.
-- Faith Hill “Breathe”

Gwen turned the knob that controlled the volume on her radio. She yanked up her shirtsleeve and closed her eyes.

So I turn the radio on, I turn the radio up
And this woman was singing my song,
Lover’s in love and the other’s run away
Lover is crying ‘cause the other won’t stay.

Frowning that the song echoed her situation so eloquently, so aptly she ran a hand through her hair. “God, didn’t Lisa Loeb get enough airtime already?’

Resolving not to dwell on the past, she checked, for the third time, to make sure she’d packed all the stuff that she needed for her trip – or permanent move - to New York. Her apartment wasn’t cleared out completely because she knew that she would eventually have to come back.

Practicality, she had told herself, was the reason she was keeping her place in Harmony. It had nothing to do with the fact that this was the place she had spent nights with Luis making love – on her bed or in the kitchen floor or any other place they found convenient. It had nothing to do with the fact that she had given her heart to him without even knowing it.

Oh God, she was pathetic.

But she was going to change that. She was going to move to New York, head Hotchkiss Enterprises there and live the life she had always wanted. She had had her heart broken before and she had survived. She’d do it again.

Life is precious Gwen; Sheridan’s words rang in her ears, bringing tears to her eyes. Live it with all the passion and courage I know you have in you.

Pressing a hand to her heart, she took a few calming breaths and then collected her purse from the sofa before walking over to the door, to make sure all her luggage was there. She still had a few hours before her flight but she liked being prepared, ahead of schedule – in control. She reached for the handle and then jerked the door open only to gasp.

Luis stood there, hand raised in mid-knock and she was floored by the emotions that swam through her at the sight of him. Not to mention the overwhelming sense of deja vu. Full circle, she thought wryly as they stared at each other. Just like the first night he had come to her and they had engaged in a fiery affair that had changed her – and her life forever. She thought that maybe it was some cruel twist of fate.

Then she couldn’t think at all.

She saw the way his eyes turned from amber to almost black as he rushed forward, hauled her to him and seized her mouth with his. Shock had her resisting at first, but as he pressed her closer, his kiss becoming passionately urgent and hot - she responded. Then as soon as she did, his lips softened and she melted against him. The kiss was full of longing, regret and pain.

Just like our relationship, she thought hazily when his lips finally lifted off of hers. Hot and passionate then deep and hurtful. But before she could speak or catch her breath fully, he was kissing her again. The months it had been since she’d last been with him, the love and pain that tore at her heart everyday since she’d let him go finally surfaced again and she poured herself into the kiss, hoping he’d understand the words she couldn’t speak.

She missed his kisses, the feeling of her body against his, under his. But most of all she missed him – Luis, the man she loved like no other.

But reality made alarm bells ring in her head as everything that had happened between then caught up with her. Reminded her what had come to pass. She pulled away slowly but Luis held her firmly against him. His lips left hers and trailed across her cheek before he buried his face in her hair. Weak, dizzy and confused she rested her head forehead against his chest, listening to him breathe softly near her ear.

The embrace became more intimate as he rubbed small circles on the small of her back with his hand and whispered in her ear. “I’ve missed you so much, Gwen.”

Disappointed that he still couldn’t say those words, she found her voice hoping to keep it light. “Yeah? I can’t imagine why.”

His body tensed and he pulled away. Surprise and hurt were evident on his face but he nodded slowly, as if understanding what she was trying to convey to him. He stepped out of her embrace and reached behind him to shut the door.

He took her hands in his and brought them to his lips, kissing them both softly before lifting his eyes to hers, sincerity shining in them. “Because, I love you.”

She took in a deep breath, disbelieving although is seemed like a fountain of happiness had sprung in her chest. Her eyes grew wide as she focused on the man before her and she tried to form a coherent sentence. She opened her mouth to speak but the closed it again when no words came out. Luis’s lips curved slightly. She tried again and small word escaped her lips. “No.”

He looked confused more than shocked. “What?”

She pulled her hands away from his and took a step, shaking her head. “No, you don’t love me.”

“I think I know how I feel,” he stated with a little nervous chuckle, his brows furrowed. She shook her head again, putting a hand on her stomach. She turned away from him, her mind screaming to keep him at arms length – refuting his declaration because of its irrationality. But her heart, her heart was telling her to say the words back. “Gwen?”

“You can’t love me. It’s crazy.”

He put a hand on her shoulder and turned her around. “I know it is. I was sitting at the airport in Washington and all I could think about was what Sheridan told me in her letter.”

“See!” Gwen protested. “We can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what? What are you talking about Gwen?” he asked, looking a little annoyed.

She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him, trying to remain calm. “We can’t do this because of Sheridan. You can’t even tell me how you feel without mentioning her name and I can’t, no - I won’t take second place to the memory of my best friend.”

“Second place?” The words seemed to come out forced, almost bitterly, in a whoosh of air. To her surprise, he didn’t look confused or shocked or sheepish by her statement. He looked angry. Livid. “You think that I…you really think that…what the hell is wrong with you?”

That had her temper flaring, matching his. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Yeah,” he responded, closing the distance between them. “I tell you that I love you and you stand there and tell me that it’s not real? That I’m putting you in second place to Sheridan?”

“I don’t see how that’s wrong,” she replied indignantly.

He shook his head disbelievingly. “Of course you wouldn’t. Because you always have to be right, don’t you? You think you know everything.

“I’m sorry,” she spat back sarcastically. “Are we talking about me or you?”

“Fine,” he replied after a brief, tense pause. “I understand what this is about. You don’t feel the same way and you’re trying to feel better about hurting my feelings by making it seem like I don’t know what I am talking about.”

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!” she yelled at him, incensed that he couldn’t see what was right in front of his face.

“Is it really?”

“Of course it is! Because you don’t know squat about my feelings!”

“Well then why don’t you fill me in?” he asked, evenly, anger in his every word.

“Fine!” she yelled back, tears forming behind her eyes. “I’m in love with you!”

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

The declaration had all the anger, all the doubt melting away from him and his lips curved into a smile. Gwen’s face drained of color and her arms fell limply to her sides as she dragged in some air – and he could tell she was holding back tears. Instinctively, he stepped closer wanting to offer comfort – even though he didn’t know why she was so sad. She closed her eyes and her voice came out shaky. “That’s not how I wanted to tell you.”

He reached for her hands and pulled her to him. He circled her waist with his arms as she looked up at him, eyes glistening. “Then don’t.”

Finally, a breathtaking smile spread across her face. “I love you.”

He’d never heard words so sweet, never felt a validation so satisfying. Letting out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, his lips descended on hers again. She responded sweetly, melting in his arms. Then he was kissing her cheeks, her jaw, and her eyes then buried his face in her hair. “I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to feel this way again because I couldn’t bear to lose it again.”

She half cried and half laughed. “What made you change your mind?”

He lifted his face and met her gaze. “The knowledge that if I let you go, I wouldn’t ever feel that way again. That I’d love you forever and not be able to tell you.”

A tear slipped down her cheek and she touched his face with her fingers. “I felt the same way. For a very long time. But you left…and I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“I was stupid,” he admitted with a half-grin and then led her over to the couch. As they sat down, hands still clasped together, he looked at her curiously. “You broke up with me. I didn’t know what you felt, what you wanted. Why’d you send me to Sheridan?”

She sighed and dragged her free hand through her hair. “I first thought I was selfish. I thought that you loved her and needed to be with her and if I was the one doing the breaking up, it would keep me from hearing you say that you were going back to her. Jake told me that what I did was selfless.”

“I agree.”

She shook her head. “No. I was the right thing to do. Lord knows I need to do more of that. Sheridan loved you. She really did need you. I know how you felt about her, what she meant and that’s why I didn’t want to believe that you love me.”

“I did love her,” he replied softly, finally understanding what he had unintentionally put her through. “With Sheridan, it was different. Like it was before her with Beth. I don’t know but they say that real love only comes once in a lifetime. I’m just glad that in my case, that wasn’t true.”

“Oh Luis,” she sighed and threw her arms around him, bringing him into an embrace. “I don’t know how I thought I’d be able to live without telling you how much I love you. But everything kept reminding me how difficult a relationship between us would be. Not to mention your sister’s warnings.”

Over her shoulder, Luis laughed sardonically. “Sorry about that.”

“She said that all I’d ever be to you was someone who could fill Sher’s shoes.”

Luis cursed inwardly at his sister’s insensitivity. “I knew deep down I was in love with you before I found out about Sheridan. I think it started ever since I left you in that hotel room in Boston.”

“Oh my,” Gwen said suddenly and pulled out of his embrace. “I’m moving to New York!”

He laughed at her expression of horror. “I know. Antonio told me. I have news for you myself. I’m working for the FBI now.”

Her eyes grew wide with surprise and then she let out a squeal of delight. “Luis, that’s fabulous! I don’t think I’ve ever been so proud!”

He cupped her face with his hand and stroked a thumb across her cheek. “You go to New York, do what you need to do. I’ll be here and then we’ll decide where to go from there, okay? Whatever happens, all I know is that I want to be wherever you are.”

She smiled and leaned forward to kiss him. The sweetness of it snapped his control and he pulled her closed, molding her to him and losing himself in her. She parted her lips when he sought entrance into her mouth and took all she was offering. She moaned against him and he pulled away remembering that they needed to breathe.

Her flushed face reminded him of the first time he had kissed her in Boston and his lips curved into a grin. She arched an eyebrow suspiciously. “What?”

“How long do you have before your flight?” he asked with a wicked smile.

“A few hours.”

“Perfect,” he answered, got off the couch and strolled over to the tape recorder. He turned the knob and fumbled around looking for a soft song. The familiar notes wafted through the air and he smiled, thanking the Fates.

And I will love you more than that.

When he turned around, she was let out a chuckle. “I love this song.”

He walked over to her and extended his hand, holding her gaze with his as he said the words that held a much more deeper meaning. “Dance with me?” Love me forever. Be my wife.

She rose and accepted his hand, and smiled brilliantly. “I will.”