Sacrifices of the Soul, Chapter 21
 
 
 

Pilar was in the kitchen, putting the final touches on dinner when she heard the front door close.

" Luis?", Pilar yelled. She had gotten the note from Theresa about her and Chad, and knew that Miguel would be over at the Bennetts. She thought she would be dining alone tonight, but, had fixed the arroz y pollo, because she knew that everyone would want leftovers later. She looked up with surprise when she saw Chad standing in the doorway.

" Chad? Well, this is a surprise. I didn't think..". Pilar was stopped dead in her tracks as she really looked at Chad and realized that he was obviously upset about something.  Putting out a second plate for dinner, she could see that she had to tread lightly around him.

" I was just about to sit for dinner. Will you join me? I would love your company."

Chad nodded yes, and sat down at the table, without even removing his jacket. Pilar fixed both her plate, and Chad's. While she was eating her meal, she noticed that Chad barely touched his.

" Have I lost my touch? Something the matter with it?"

Chad looked up at Pilar, a little confused. " Oh..Uh…no, Mrs. Lopez-Fitzgerald. It's just……I had a bad day, and I'm not very hungry."

Pilar smiled at him. " No offense taken. But, maybe you'd feel better if you talked to someone about it."

Chad looked at her, and thought about it.

" I gotta be able to trust you. You can't tell anyone about this."

" Chad, whatever you say between us, stays between us."

Chad knew that he could trust Pilar.

" I saw ……..Dr. Russell today."

Pilar smiled. " Chad, I'm so happy for you. Does that mean that you've decided to have a relationship with your mother?"

" Mrs. L-F, it's not the happy reunion that you think."

Pilar saw the seriousness on Chad's face, and took his hands into hers, and held them. " What's wrong?"

" Dr. Russell….she wasn't in a happy place. She was in at Oak Haven."

" The Sanitarium?"

" Yes. "

" How did you find this out?"

" I went to the Harmony Hotel looking for her there. When I didn't find her, I went to see 'him' and asked her if he knew her whereabouts. He didn't say anything, and just told me to ride in his car. We rode for awhile, until we got there. Then, he took me to her."

" Mr. Crane?"

Chad nodded. " She's been there for months. Do you know that he goes to see her everyday? That's what her therapist said."

Pilar was taking it all in: Eve in a sanitarium; Julian knowing about it and helping her. It was obvious that this had upset Chad greatly. She just sat there, and let Chad open up on his own time.

" When I went to see 'him', I was pissed. Simone has been looking for her and I wanted to get a number for her. But, I have to admit, I wanted to find her because I wanted to talk to her. I needed answers about myself. I thought she had skipped out. I thought she had run away. I thought she didn't give a shit…excuse my language. But, the facts are, she was in that place. Alone. And, the only person that she sees is Julian. Her eyes…."

Chad shook his head, and lowered his head into his hands. He stayed in that position for several moments, and when he rose his head, Pilar could see the tears in his eyes. Chad grabbed ahold of her hand and said with a trembling voice, " Her eyes were DEAD, Mrs. L-F. I walked in front of her, and it was if I was made of glass. There was no recognition. No life. No spark. They were dead." By the end of his remarks, which came out as barely a whisper, Chad dissolved into tears. Pilar got up and held him as he cried. Pilar waited until he was finished, and pulled her chair up close, so they were face to face. Chad stopped his crying.

" I did it to her, Mrs. L-F. I did it to her."

" Did what?", Pilar asked confused.

" I put her in that mental institution."

" Chad, I don’t believe it."

" Well, it’s true. She came to me, Mrs. L-F. She came to me, wanting a new start with me. But, did I listen? Did I give her a chance? NO! I didn’t just turn her down. No, I couldn’t do just that. I was vicious with her. Cruel. Deliberately cruel. I wouldn’t have talked to a DOG the way that I talked to my own mother. I put her in that mental institution.", Chad said as he lowered his head into his hands again.

" Chad….Chad…listen to me.", Pilar says quietly as she lifts his face to look at hers. " You did not put your mother in the mental institution. Your mother had been under terrible mental strain for sometime. ", as Pilar thought about the blackmail from Ivy.

" It wasn’t you…it was a series of things, that just added up to your mother not being able to cope."

" But, Mrs. L-F."

" No buts. Your mother would never want you to blame yourself. No mother would."

" I hurt her.."

" Yes. You hurt her. You were full of anger and like with most children, parents are the best targets. You can't take the words back, but, your mother doesn't blame you at all. What you can do NOW, is make sure that you never speak to your mother like that again."

" I….I can do that. But, I want to help her. "

" I think that Mr. Crane is tending to her mental health. You don't need to bother yourself with things that you can't change. "

" I can't do anything?"

" I didn't say that. I said that you probably can't do anything for your mother's mental health. But, I'm sure that you can do things that she needs here. Isn't there something that you think she would need?"

" Need……need……I think that she would want me to help with Simone. "

" Simone. You're right. She would want you to be a good big brother to her. "

Chad nods in agreement. " I know it's not what Coach Russell wants, but, Simone needs help. She's been having some 'trouble' lately."

Pilar grinned. " See? You found something that you could do. Something positive. Something that when your mother comes home, she'll be so happy. I know that I'm proud of the way Luis loves and protects Theresa and Miguel."

" If I can be 25% as good as Luis, I know I'll be helping Simone."

Before Pilar could respond, Theresa came into the kitchen.

" There you are! I can't believe you stood me up! Do you know how…", Theresa paused as she looked into Pilar's eyes and saw that there was something wrong. " Well, I waited for you, but, it was OK. This really cute guy came up and bought me a muffin. So, you can stand me up anytime.", Theresa joked as she slapped Chad's back.

" Mrs. L-F, thanks for dinner. I'm gonna go check my messages. See ya, Resa." Chad left the house, and Theresa moved over to the sink, where Pilar had taken the dishes.

" Mama, what's wrong with Chad?"

" Theresa, he's upset. Leave him alone."

" But, I wanna help him."

" I know you do. But, believe me, he needs some space right now. If you are truly his friend, you will let him be, and if he wants to tell you, he will. Be a friend, Theresita. Be a true friend."

Theresa nodded. " I will, Mama." Wanting to change the subject, " Do you want to look at my books for class?"

" I can't believe you're beginning college. You'll be the first one of the family to go."

" I know…I know. Luis didn't go because he needed to support us. I know what college means to you, Mama."

" It should mean that much to you, Theresa. I'm so happy that you're going after your own dreams."

" You mean without Crane money."

" Yes, without Crane money. I'm not going to hide the fact that I'm pleased that you're no longer involved with Ethan or wrapped up in your Ethan fantasies anymore. I have to admit that I love this realistic Theresa way more than the obsessed dreamer. "

" Obsessed dreamer…is that what I was?"

" Yes, my darling child, that described your behavior to a tee."

Theresa felt bad to admit that Pilar was right. It scared her now, to think of how she had been with Ethan. How one person had totally filled her life, and that she honestly had no thoughts of anything else.  She had been consumed by Ethan, and it almost consumed her.

Theresa opened up her backpack, and began going over the books for college with Pilar.

Chad sat on his bed, with no lights on, and only the moonlight to give any light. The moonlight hit the picture of Eve that he held.

" I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.", he says to the picture over and over.
 
 
 

Sheridan knocked on the door to the study, but, got no answer. She knew that Julian was in there, because she had been watching from the Cottage to see when the light went on. She slowly opened the door, and heard music coming from inside.  She saw that Julian had turned off the light.

" Dammit! Who told anyone that they could come in?", Julian said in fury.

Sheridan immediately closed the door behind her.

" Julian…it's me."

" Sheridan, if I had wanted any company, I would have said 'Come In'. " Sheridan detected a deep sadness in his voice.

" Julian, I wanted to help. I know that Chad came to see you."

Julian spun around in the chair and faced Sheridan, who by that time had made it to the edge of Julian's desk.

" How the hell do you know that?"

" I saw him when he arrived at the Estate. Julian, what happened?"

" What happened? I'll tell you what happened. I had to endure Indignant Tantrum 3,561 of the lost Crane Bastard today."

Sheridan cringed as the words came out of Julian's mouth.

" Julian…"

" No. Let me tell you what my wonderful son said today. He came to see if I knew where his mother was, and I told him that I did. You know what he thought? He thought that SHE had abandoned HIM! Is THAT not a 'crock', as the kids say? Eve doesn't abandon people….People ABANDON HER! " With that, Julian gets up and flings his brandy glass across the room to the fireplace.

He picks up the bottle from his desk and takes a huge swig from it, as he collapses back into his chair. Sheridan went around the desk to where she was kneeling in front of Julian. After a few minutes, he looked Sheridan in the eye.

" I tried to act like I was better than him. Than all of them, when the truth is, I abandoned her first. " Julian shook his head. " I've done her more wrong than you could imagine."

Sheridan held his hand. " But, you're helping her now, and that counts."

" Does it?"

Sheridan stood up, and Julian slowly hugged her around the waist. Sheridan stroked his hair gently. " Yes, Julian, it counts. When she had no one else, you were there for her. That counts a lot."