Sacrifices of the Soul, Chapter 33
 

" That was brilliant parody.", Chad said, eating a slice of cold pizza.

" Brilliant? Chad, puleeze. It was funny, but, it wasn’t ‘all that.’ "

" I think the Wayans Brothers did a dope job with Scary Movie."

" It was stupid fun." Simone gets up, and begins to clear away the mess that they had made. They’d done a triple-header, with ‘When Harry Met Sally’, ‘ What Lies Beneath’, and topped it off with ‘Scary Movie’.

" Let me help you." , Chad said. They cleaned up pretty well. The only dishes were their glasses from the pop and the bowl the popcorn had been in. Once they were put up to dry, Chad helped Simone move out the futon, and make it up. He had terrific quilts that Pilar had given him, so that she could keep warm.

" Looks good.", Chad said, at the madeup futon. " Should be nice and cozy for you."

Simone got in, under the covers. Chad was about to go to his bed, when she called him.

" Chad?"

" Yeah, Simone?", he said, sitting on the other side of the futon.

" I…..I went by the hotel, checking for Mom. She’s still not there."

" Yeah, I know that."

" You know Chad, you can be honest with me." Simone looked him directly in the eyes, and Chad could almost sense that she knew he knew where Eve was. But, how? He hadn’t told anyone.

" I know I can, Simone."

" You don’t have to spare my feelings. You can tell me the truth about Mom."

She looked at him so strongly, Chad thought ‘ maybe Simone should know the truth.’

" You can tell me that Mom’s abandoned me."

" Huh? What? Abandoned you? THAT’s what you think happened? She abandoned you?"

" Well, yeah. Isn’t that what you’re thinking, and what you’re not telling me. You’re trying to spare my feelings, and not tell me that my mother’s abandoned me."

Chad shakes his head furiously. " Naw, naw, Simone. That’s not it. I don’t think that."

" Chad, look at the proof. She’s left town, and it doesn’t seem like she’s ever coming back. She’s decided that she’s better of without us."

" No. I can’t have you thinking that, Simone. I can’t."

" She wasn’t the person she presented herself to be, and once her true self was revealed, like a coward, she ran. She’s probably in a new town, lying to a new bunch of people, forgetting that we ever existed."

" Simone…"

" No! She’s gone, and she’s never coming back. She never loved us in the first place."

Chad moves over and puts his hands on Simone’s shoulders and shakes her.

" Girl, I ain’t gonna sit around a let you talk garbage like that. Cause, it ain’t true! You know it ain’t!"

" Then why isn’t she here?", Simone cries, and begins to sob heavily. Chad holds her in his arms and lets her cry for awhile. When he thinks that she’s stopped, he lifts her head from his shoulder.

" Simone, I don’t know why she isn’t here. But, I suspect it has to do with the fact that she’s just human. I know that people grow up thinking that their parents are perfect and maybe are superhuman. At least, that’s what I was told and read. But, in the end, they’re just people. Just humans, with all sorts of flaws."

" Why did she lie? That’s the question that’s been going on and on in my mind. Why did she lie?"

Chad shrugs his shoulders. " I don’t know. But, look at it with some sort of objectivity. What kind of truth could she have told that would have satisfied you?"

" She put herself up as some sort of role model. She had an affair with a MARRIED MAN, and had a baby with him!"

" Yeah, she did. I’ve been mad at her myself, but, I’ve had a lot of nights to think about things since I came to Harmony. I keep on finding myself back at my time with Crystal. I keep on remembering her telling me how my mother fell head over heels in love with my father, and by the time she realized that there wasn’t gonna be no fairy tale ending, she was in too deep. That happens sometimes. The heart is a tricky thing, Simone. Your head usually loses out when the heart’s involved. When you give your heart and soul to someone, logic, morality, and conventional wisdom can sometimes be thrown out the window. I don’t think anyone ever goes into a difficult love affair saying, ‘ I’m going to get involved with someone who’s going to break my heart.’ It doesn’t happen that way.

She fell in love with Julian, and THEN realized that it was hopeless. The mind is what’s telling her it’s hopeless. Her heart only knows that it loves Julian, however wild that is. I’m the result, and I can’t even wrap my head around it, 75% of the time.

It ended badly. In the end, she had no love, no relationship, and no child. That’s rough on a person.

Personally, I think she’s been a good role model. She picked herself up, and got her act together. What happened when she DID get her act together? You know what happened. You were one of the primary beneficiaries of it. She became a doctor. A doctor who cared about her patients. You saw her work at the clinic. You saw her work at the shelters. You saw her work in the church. And the community. You saw her devotion to your father. You saw her love for you and Whitney, everyday of your life. You can’t tell me that those were false moments. Every one of those moments was true. THAT is the woman she is. She’s the same woman who hugged you everytime you cried. Who would ask you about your schoolwork. Who would come to the school plays, and dance recitals. She’s the same woman who kissed your ‘boo-boos’ when you fell. She’s the same woman who has been trying to guide you so that you would NEVER make the mistakes that she did.

THAT is who she is. "

Simone looked at Chad. " So, she’s coming back?"

" Absolutely! Simone, what went down wasn’t just heavy on you. It was heavy on her. One moment, her daughter was going to be married. The next moment, she had a son, and her life was blown to smithereens. There’s a lot of stuff to process. And, sometimes, you have to ‘check out’ in order to be able to handle it. There weren’t a lot of happy things in Harmony for her.

So, she probably found some nice place in the country with a lot of quiet. Or, maybe it’s the beach. Somewhere that nobody knew her name, and where she could think about all that went down.

Her life got SO complicated all at once. When she gets back to town, she’ll have to navigate two families, complete with children whose fathers absolutely hate one another. You’d have to seriously psyche yourself up to deal with that alone.

And, then, there are her children. I know she loves you and Whitney. And, over and over, I’ve heard from people that I consider to be good parents, that they would rather die themselves, than to ever see their children hurt. And, she knows that she’s hurt you and Whitney. She’s probably thinking about how she’ll ever repair that. But, I know she’s going to try.

She might even think that I’m worth knowing. We’ve had a pretty complicated and tortured relationship up to this point. Everything between us has been a disaster, more or less. "

" Do you want a relationship with her?"

" I don’t know. I think so.  I’m more open to her than I think I’ll ever be towards Julian."

" That bad, huh?"

" Simone, come on. His father marked me for extermination."

" But, Mr. Crane didn’t know."

" Still. How he treated my mother, and being from that racist family. No, I don’t want anything to do with Julian. He never wanted me. Only my mother wanted me, and THAT FAMILY decided FOR HER that she would never get to raise me."

" I guess I see your point."

" She IS a good woman, isn’t she, Chad?"

" Yes, Simone. She tries to be."

" It’s tough. Daddy and Whitney act like she doesn’t even exist. I don’t feel like I can bring her up without upsetting them both. I know I was mad when the wedding happened, but then, I started remembering things, and then I was so confused. Was I supposed to forgive her? Was I allowed to still love her, and not like that she lied to me? Did the lies make her evil? Not only Daddy and Whitney, but, even when I couldn’t talk to them, I could always talk to Chief Bennett and his wife. But, they don’t want to hear about her either."

" You can talk to me about her, Simone. You don’t have to feel afraid to speak your mind in front of me. "

" I’m glad." Simone looked down at her nails, and began fidgeting with them. " You know, Daddy wants a divorce."

Chad knew about it from Julian, but, didn’t want to tell Simone that. " Really?"

" Yes. I thought……in the back of my mind, I had hoped that Daddy could forgive Mom, and that they could go to Father Lonigan, or counseling or something. But, Daddy’s made up his mind."

" Sorry."
There was a lull in the conversation, and Chad could see that something was weighing on Simone’s mind. She wanted to tell him something, but, was unsure if she should.

" You promise not to tell anyone this, Chad?"

" Promise."

" If the divorce goes through……..I want to live with Mom."

Chad looked at Simone with shock; he definitely hadn’t expected that line from her mouth.

" Simone.."

" It’s a fact of life: in a divorce, the kids have to choose sides."

" I don’t think your parents expect you too."

" Yes they do, even if they don’t say it. Whitney’s clearly chosen HER side: Daddy. Besides, Daddy would be happier if it was just Whitney and him."

" Don’t decide that for your father, Simone. You can’t just decide this without talking to him."

" Why do I have to talk to him? Why can’t I do what I think is best for me. Besides, I don’t want Mom to be all alone. I think that’s why she left, and isn’t hurrying  to come back- because she doesn’t think that anyone cares about her anymore. I also think she’d be happy to have me around."

" Your father loves you, Simone."

" I know. But, I can’t live in a house where tennis is the focus. It’s a language I don’t speak, and it’s a world that I don’t belong to. Daddy and Whitney do, which is why I’ll be fine with Mom. "

" Well, I think you should think hard about this. And, I think you should let your parents try and work it out between themselves before you go around taking sides. They both love you something crazy."

" I love them too. In a million years, I never thought my parents would be getting a divorce. I thought I would always have my happy family.", Simone says sadly.

Chad nods. " I know. It’s a tough break for you. But, you’ve got family and friends who care. Have some faith. I know it’s bad now, but, I don’t think it’ll stay bad forever. The pain will lessen….I promise. "

Simone hugged Chad. " Thanks. I’ve needed to tell someone what I’ve been bottling up inside all this time. Kay and Miguel were right."

" What did they say?"

" That having a big brother would be a good thing for me. I’m ok, now. I’m exhausted. It’s like a burden has been lifted from me. Being able to express myself without fear is something I didn’t think was going to happen. Thanks for giving me that, Chad."

" You’re welcome. Anytime." Chad gives Simone a kiss on the forehead, and goes over to his own bed. " Nite."

" Nite."

Chad got into bed and thought about this evening. He was scared himself. Though he had always wanted a family, he was just beginning to realize how deep the emotional entanglements went.