Sacrifices of the Soul – Chapter Six
 

Theresa had been silent on the way home. She and Chad came into the Lopez-Fitzgerald house. Chad spoke up first.

" Theresa, I’m so sorry about this evening. I wanted us to have a good time, but, as usual, I messed things up."

" Chad, it wasn’t your fault. I’m sure that you would have had a good time, if not for me."

" No. You were the best part of the evening."

" Chad…about what Whitney said.."

" Theresa.."

" No. I want you to know that I’m not a golddigger. I wasn’t even with Ethan. Actually, I thought a relationship would solve all my problems, not really thinking about the practical things…like the fact that I didn’t remotely fit into his life or his world. I just can’t have you thinking.."

" Theresa, I don’t think that about you. I know you, Theresa. You knew me when. You more than gave me the time of day when you didn’t have to. You encouraged me to follow my heart. I told you, I don’t blame you for it."

" Whitney does."

" And, that’s Whitney’s problem. I’ve never seen her that way, but, maybe it’s the only way that she can live through this. "

" I guess."

Theresa leaned over and kissed Chad on the cheek. " Thanks Chad. I think I need to go upstairs and to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow?"

" Sure.", and Chad left.
 

" I can’t believe the NERVE of that punk! Saying what he did to you.", TC grumbled as he opened the door to his house. He saw that the lights are on. " Your sister must be home. Simone….SIMONE! SIMONE!"

Upon hearing her name being called, Simone sat up in her bed. " Oh, Darnit! That’s my Dad."

Hakim was pissed at the timing. All he needed was 10 more minutes. He had Simone stripped down to her underwear, the couple of joints they had smoked had totally loosened her up and she was totally ripe for him.

" Damn! Well?"

" Well? Hakim, my father can NOT catch you here. He would KILL you..and, that’s not an exaggeration."

Hakim is putting on his clothes. " So, how the hell am I supposed to get out here?"

Simone opened her bedroom window. She points to the trellace. " You can climb down that."

" What the fuck do I look like to you? Spiderman? I ain’t climbing down no walls."

" You have to. "

" SIMONE!" she hears being yelled. " I’m up here, Daddy. I’m in bed! " She yells in response.

" Hakim! Be smart and just go. I’ll catch up to you later." Simone whispers. Then, she looks at him pleadingly, " Please?"

Hakim gives her this deep, long kiss before he goes. " Just this once." And, out the window he goes. Simone realizes when he leaves that she’s ‘high’, and doesn’t know how to cover in front of TC, so she leaps into bed just before TC opens the door. All TC sees is her back.

" Sugarbear?"

" I’m here, Daddy. I was very tired."

" Well, can you turn and look at me?"

" Why Daddy, I’m pooped."

" I have something to tell you that I think you should know?"

Simone turns around, but, has her hair arranged so that TC can’t look her in the face. " Yes, Daddy?"

" It’s something about your mother."

" You and she are getting back together?", Simone says in a hopeful voice.

Simone’s question was like a knife through his heart. " No, Sugarbear, we’re not getting back together. I’ve filed for divorce."

" Oh. " Simone turned over on her side, and her back was once again to TC.

" I know that sometimes, couples can get back together, but, that can’t happen in this case."

" Baby, you know that you mother loves you."

" DO I, Daddy? I don’t think she gives a damn about any of us. If she did, why hasn’t she even TRIED to contact us?"

TC didn’t have an answer to that question. He too, had wondered why Eve had not even attempted so see the girls. Was Simone right, did she not care about even the girls? He knew that she didn’t give a damn about him, after all, her lying had made that quite clear. But, to not even attempt to see the girls cast her in as bad a light as possible. TC only knew that what Whitney had said at the restaurant was correct: it IS up to him to protect his daughters, from all possible abusers, even if that meant Eve.

" Daddy, I’m tired. Please go. I’ll see you in the morning."

TC took her hand and kissed. " Nite, Sugarbear."

" Nite Daddy." When she heard the door click shut, Simone silently cursed. She meant what she said about Eve. What she hadn’t told TC is that she hadn’t just been waiting by the phone for Eve to call. Before school, and after school Simone made it a point of stopping by Eve’s hotel, and writing her a note. Simone had only gotten angrier and more desperate with every note. She couldn’t understand why Eve wouldn’t respond to her, and believed that her mother’s love was all an act. That it was part of this scam that she was perpetuating. Simone wished that she hadn’t sent Hakim home. The very least, he could have left her one of those joints, she liked not feeling. There was no pain when she was smoking them, and that was a definitely a positive change from the aches in her heart that never seemed to go away. Her mother had thrown them away. She could understand her father, and even Whitney, considering how close Whitney had always been to TC. But, Simone thought that her mother would want her. It was tolerable, being the third wheel and second choice of her parents when her parents were together, but now, when it was just the three of them, Simone had never felt like more of a third wheel than she does now. TC and Whitney are in their own little world, and his focus was Whitney- getting Whitney through this crisis , helping Whitney with her tennis, keeping Whitney grounded and supported.

Doesn’t anyone know that HER family fell apart too? Whitney’s so busy playing the victim/martyr, that she can’t be bothered with anyone else. TC’s main focus is Whitney and her tennis career. Eve is nowhere to be found. Kay..Kay’s a drag. She doesn’t understand Simone’s relationship with Hakim, and so, she can’t be bothered with Kay anymore. But, Simone had done enough scams with Kay so that Kay is the perfect cover for all the time that she spends with Hakim. Hakim isn’t a boy..he’s a man. And, he’s interested in her. He’s not drooling over Whitney or any other girl, just her. He doesn’t see her as a girl, but, a woman.  Simone opened her nightstand drawer and looked at the picture of Eve that she kept hidden there.

" I don’t need you anyway. You’re nothing but a liar and a phony.", she spits out before shoving the picture back into the drawer.
 

Chad finished doing the last of his 100 sit-ups, and just sat on the floor. Contemplating the night’s activities, he had to call it a complete disaster. All he had wanted was a nice dinner with Theresa, but, wound up being in the middle of several fights.

Sure, he had lied to Ethan about him and Theresa dating, but, he had to admit to himself, that he was just aching inside, and didn’t think it was right for Ethan to be snooping around Theresa. It wasn’t like his situation with Whitney…Ethan COULD have followed his heart, and didn’t. That simple.

And, Whitney. When he turned around and saw her, just for a moment, his heart stopped. She was so beautiful standing there….until she opened her mouth. And, all that ugliness sprung forth.  But, she didn’t fool Chad. He could see the hurt and anger in her eyes. But, he didn’t have any answers for Whitney. Working all day, hard physical labor to make him so tired he passed out from near exhaustion at the end of the day hadn’t helped him. What good was sleeping, when he would dream of Whitney. He would relive the day that changed his life forever. Chad remembers how he felt that day. How happy he had been: Chad didn’t know he could be that happy. But, then, it all fell apart, and he’s been in freefall ever since.

He had lived the anger. Seethed the anger. Breathed the anger. His world was torn apart, and he wanted to hate someone..anyone….so, he had chosen his parents. He wanted nothing to do with them, and knew he was justified in hating them. But, there’s something wrong with living with so much hate, Chad was discovering. The hate was eating him alive, and the only time he felt human lately, was with Theresa. She was the one person who made him feel sane, and even if it wasn’t fair, he knew he was becoming more and more dependent upon her as the days went by. The Lopez-Fitzgerald House was a sanctuary to him. Theresa, Pilar, Miguel, and Luis were the only people who didn’t look at him like he was a freak, and who didn’t make him look over his shoulder. They gave him the emotional support he needed to survive, and Chad knew that his life would have turned into a complete disaster without them.

Chad sat at the bay window, looking up at the night. He could feel that something was going to change for himself,  and, instead of looking forward to the change, for the first time in his life, he feared change. Last time change came, it all but destroyed him.
 

The gentleman was finishing up his lecture.

" If you keep your eyes and ears open, I all but assure you that the Black Collectibles Market is a growth one. Pieces that you find today for little to nothing, will appreciate in value. Not only are they a  solid investment, but, they are also a way to preserve a piece of Black History, and reclaim it for yourself, as well as for your children. I was always told, ‘Those who fail to know their history, will be forever lost.’ Too many of my people are lost, and these artifacts will return to them their history, and a sense of pride.

Well, if you have any questions, please come and ask. Thank you for spending this hour with me."

The audience clapped, and a few people came down to talk with him. Some were antique dealers, others longtime collectors, and a few eager novices. He had noticed her in the corner about a third of the way during his lecture. She was so beautiful that she had distracted his train of thought for a moment. She waited until everyone else had finished with him, and then she stepped up to him.

" Mr. Russell, I just wanted to tell you that I found your lecture very informative. I had never thought about Black Collectibles before, but, you made it interesting."

" Well, I’m glad I didn’t bore you. I enjoy it so much that I’m afraid I get tunnellvision where the subject is concerned. I’m at a disadvantage. You know my name, but, I don’t know yours."

" Eve. My name is Eve Wharton."

" Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Miss Wharton. Would you mind it if I were to take you out for a cup of coffee?"

" No. I’d like that a great deal."

Eve and TC walked across from the lecture hall at the Harvard Social Sciences Building, and went to a café popular with the graduate student crowd. TC got them both coffees, and some cake.

" So, Eve,  what are you doing at Harvard?"

" I’m in medical school."

TC whistles. " Med school. Not bad."

" And you?"

" I’m working on a double masters: American History and Physiology."

" Physiology?"

" If you can believe it, it’s because I want to teach Physical Education, and Harvard doesn’t exactly have that kind of major here, but, there is a great deal of science that goes into it, and this was as close as I could find."

" So, you’ve taken a lot of science."

" Yes, I have. You know, it’s curious. I belong to the Afro-American Graduate Student Union, and I thought I knew all of the Black Grad students. How is it that I missed you? I haven’t even heard about you."

Eve looks towards the floor. " Well, my studies take up a lot of my time. Nearly all of my time. I spend any extra time that I have volunteering at a clinic in Roxbury."

" Volunteering in Roxbury, well, a social conscious ‘Sister’. I’m impressed."

Eve blushed. " Don’t be. I don’t see how I’m doing any good. I’ll need to be a doctor to make a difference."

" Not true. Anytime spent helping others makes a difference. I run an athletic program for Roxbury youngsters out of the Ebenezer A.M.E. church. Introducing them to sports that they wouldn’t ordinarily play: tennis, golf, crew, swimming."

" Crew? You get them rowing?", Eve laughs.

" Yep. But, the hardest part was giving them swimming lessons." TC went on to explain about his program, and Eve hung onto every word. They talked back and forth, well, TC did most of the talking, as Eve learned more about him. When he looked at his watch again, nearly 4 hours had passed.

" Yikes! I can’t believe it’s so late. May I walk you home?"

Eve had to think fast on her feet. " Um, I’m sorry, but, I don’t feel comfortable with that. After all, we’re not even dating. It wouldn’t be proper."

TC was taken aback. " So, you’re the old-fashioned type. That’s fine, Eve. I won’t pressure you. How about your phone number?"

" I would rather you gave me yours."

TC had never had a woman play this hard to get before, but, he could ‘play the game’ as well as anyone else. He took out a piece of paper and wrote his phone number on it and handed it to Eve.

" Well, even if I can’t take you home, I’m going to make sure you get there safely." TC hailed a cab, and handed the cabby some money. " Take the lady wherever she wants to go, and make sure she gets in safely."

" You got it.", the cabby replied.

Eve went up to TC and kissed him on the cheek. " Thank you, TC. Thank you for respecting me and my wishes." Eve then smiled brightly, and TC was stunned by the depth of her beauty. He almost knew he had lost his heart in that moment. Eve disappeared into the taxi and it drove away.

Eve’s face was running through his mind. Her smile, her profile, over and over, the image of her calling out his name, almost whispering it like a siren.

‘ TC……TC…….I love you……Don’t you know that?…….TC……TC…..’

TC woke up from his sleep, sweating profusely, his heart beating rapidly, and, as had been routine ever since these ‘dreams’ began, an intense and persistent erection. TC jumped out of bed, heading to the bathroom.

" Damn her. May she rot in hell."
 

Theresa hadn’t been able to sleep, so, she began typing in her diary.
 
 

Dear Diary,

I thought tonight would be a new beginning for me. I was actually trying to enjoy myself. Chad is trying so hard to help me, and I’m really trying to help him. We got all dressed up, and went to the Sea Scape. We had sparkling cider, and, in the beginning, a wonderful meal.

Then, Ethan and Gwen came by. My heart jumped, I have to admit it. Seeing Ethan again, my heart couldn’t help but jump for joy. But, there was Gwen.

I don’t know what it was, Diary. Seeing them together so soon after watching them buy baby clothes. Or, the fact that Gwen called Chad ‘family’ to Ethan.

Or, maybe it’s the way that her arm was so comfortable resting in Ethan’s, and he didn’t move it away. I SAW Ethan look at me. Once upon a time, I would have taken that as a ‘sign’. But, not tonight.

Chad placed his hand over mine, like we were dating. He wanted Ethan to notice, which he did. Though I scolded Chad, I realized that ‘I’ wanted Ethan to notice too. Not to make him jealous, but, because at that moment, I wanted for Ethan to think that someone else found me attractive, and desirable.

Ethan is not only married, but, with a baby. I haven’t told anyone this Diary, but, when I saw them today shopping for baby toys, there was a minute where I said, " Well, IF Gwen wasn’t pregnant."

Diary, I have never been more ashamed in my life. I was wishing for the death of a CHILD, (no matter what the legal term is…my religious teachings have told me what it is already). I wanted a child dead, so that Ethan would have  no ties to Gwen, and be able to ‘act’ on his love for me. I actually made myself sick with that train of thought.

Who am I, Diary? For so many years, everything in my life was predicated on one supposition: that one day, I would be Mrs. Ethan Crane. All my worries would be gone once that happened. I would be living the life I was supposed to have, and everything in my life would be wonderful.

As I write this, I’m not Mrs. Ethan Crane. Unless Gwen dies, I won’t ever be Mrs. Ethan Crane. And for me to even speak of death for someone, it can’t be real. Love is supposed to be about happiness, and goodness, and decency. What I’ve been thinking is none of those things, and saying them in reference to love is disgusting.

I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but, I know now that I have to do more than try. I have to succeed. I have to find out who Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald is, without the Crane fantasy. Does she even exist?