Sacrifices of the Soul, Chapter 63
 
 

Eve felt the sun hit her face. She stretched her body, turned over and opened her eyes. She saw Julian, hand on the side of his head, looking at her in wonder.

" Morning, Julian.", Eve said smiling.

" Good morning, Eve."

Eve kissed Julian and then grinned again. " I suppose you're wondering what happened last night."

" The thought, now that I have rational ones, has crossed my mind."

" Julian, it's too early to talk so seriously about things.", Eve made her way to where her body was right under Julian's. " Wouldn't it be nicer to discuss things after a quick shower?" As Eve was saying this, she had somehow wrapped her legs completely around Julian, and moved her hips as to torture Julian a little more. When she heard him moan, she knew she had the desired effect.

" You're not playing fair.", Julian said, before his mouth found the side of her neck.

" I never said I would.", Eve replied, before devouring Julian  with kisses of her own.

Once again, Julian's rational thoughts flew out of the window, as they continued from where they had left off last night.

When Eve had 'had her way' with Julian for the morning and early afternoon, they finally got dressed in bathrobes and sat in the dining room of the suite, eating room service. They were both famished, so eating came first, but once the first couple of courses were out of the way, conversation had to come.

" I suppose we should finish our conversation from this morning.", Eve said, with a little pout.

" It would be nice."

" Last night was about me needing you. About really beginning anew."

" Oh. And, in order to begin anew, you needed a body next to you."

" No, Julian. I needed YOUR body next to me. I needed someone who knew me. Who cared for me. Who understood me and wouldn't judge me. I needed someone who had seen the darkness of my soul and didn't run away from it. You've never run away from who I am, Julian. That wasn't our problem."

Julian nodded.

" I can't explain it. What happened last night. It was as if at every table in that Club, I saw an old demon of mine. Ghosts from my childhood. Of my past, all around me.  The music unlocked all of it. That was how I coped when I was a young girl. I either buried it, or I let the music take it away from me. When everything happened with Chad, I buried it. Buried it so deep that it took an earthquake like Orville to unearth it. My stay at the sanitarium was about it almost coming to the surface, but me trying to beat it back. See, when I tried to kill myself this last time, I couldn't be in a room with all those demons. I couldn't face it at all. But, I didn't have the strength to beat them back. Before, I could use my family and marriage to TC as a shield, but it didn't exist anymore, and it had only added to the demon total. There was no way that I could fight all of them, so I decided to check out. To die. You saved me, and I was stuck with the demons. They were always around - in my room, sitting on a chair next to Dr. Collins. Wherever I was at the sanitarium, they were there. I was one walking open sore.

Over time, the demons from my marriage and the destruction of my family began to move away from me, and move towards my other demons. Being able to put them  in that pile, moved them away from me. Then, you brought Chad to see me, and he told me about Simone looking for me. Both things began to give me strength. Chad actually being concerned, considering how my choices helped break his heart, and Simone being concerned…she's my baby. I needed to know that she cared. I know I probably will never have a relationship with Whitney ever again. Knowing that I didn't lose both my daughters meant so much to me.

For so long, I've spent my life hiding levels of myself. Hiding the pain, because it was ugly and brutal, and because I didn't think anyone could love me unless I projected a 'pretty, perfect' self.

I realize now, that's not who I am. I'm the pretty and the ugly, and if I'm to be any kind of a mother, I know that my children will never accept anything less than total honesty from me. I won't get another chance to disappoint them. When you mess up as badly as I have, you thank God for 'second chances'. I had known that intellectually, but emotionally, it didn't catch up to me until last night at the Club.

Like so many other times, the music spoke to me. The music stripped away the layers. The music scrubbed me raw.

When I showed up on your doorstep, I was raw. Exposed. I needed to feel, Julian. A primal connection. Between a man and a woman. To give me life. Yet, it had to be YOU, Julian. You understand me. Making love to you was almost never about having sex, and everything about the words that we didn't remotely know how to express to one another. Even when we were about sex, our bodies knew something our hearts couldn't acknowledge, or didn't even comprehend.

I really can begin again, Julian. A new life. One that embraces me, and all my trials, something that was inconceivable 6 months ago. " Eve got up from the table and went over to the window and looked out. Julian followed her.

" So, what about when we return to Harmony?"

Eve turned to Julian and smiled.  " Julian, we can't continue this. Not now. I don't need it. You don't need it. We are friends. I have a life to rebuild, and the focal point has to be my children. Us being involved would complicate things unnecessarily. I'm not about to become your mistress, and I'm not about to ask you to leave Ivy. You made things clear on the Island. Your marriage is what it is. It works for you, and that's fine with me.

This time together was OURS. Just for us. But, it's one of those small windows in life that can't be sustained. There is so much more to be done in Harmony for both of us. We both have families that need rebuilding. Any attempt at romance for us would end in disaster, and ruin what we have. "

" It makes no difference to you that you opened a Pandora's box last night? Eve, how do you expect me to forget last night? To forget emotions that I thought I had killed long ago?"

" By taking them and turning them into something positive - a relationship with our son. "

" Ev……everything seemed possible this morning."

" Everything is possible….but, us. We have other concerns now, Julian. Family comes first. It has to."

" This will be enough for you?"

" It will have to be. "

" Aren't you being naïve, Eve?"

" No, Julian. Practical. We have to do what's best for our families. Give it a chance, Julian. I think we'll both be rewarded for it."

Julian shook his head and walked away from Eve to sit on the couch. He couldn't believe what she was saying, yet he knew she was right.  Julian picked up the phone and dialed.

" This is Julian Crane. Have my plane ready in 2 hours." He hung up the phone and looked at Eve. " If I'm going to stick with this, we have to begin now. So, you get ready, and I'll see you soon."

Eve nodded and went to change into her clothes from last night, and left the suite.

Julian picked up the phone again and dialed.

" Chad? It's your father. I'm coming back to Harmony tonight, and I'm bringing your mother."