More Than That - Chapter 20: Life Decisions (Gwen/Luis)
by Jamie Witter
 
 
 
 

Chapter 20: Life Decisions

Often what we decide becomes what we see; decision is the governing principle of reality.
-- Vanna Bonta

Sheridan’s eyes widened for a minute and then she stepped aside, indicating for Gwen to come inside. “Gwen, why don’t you come in? We need to talk.”

“Yes, we do.” But she made no move to come inside. Sheridan gestured again, her eyes pleading with her best friend to try and calm down. Once she was inside, she turned to the blond, eye blazing. “I am I right? Ar – are you dying?”

Sheridan considered lying for a second, but then nodded slowly lifting her eyes to meet’s Gwen’s concentrated gaze. “Yes, I’m dying.”

The strong fort that Gwen had built around her heart, cracked and Sheridan saw tears well up in her friends’ eyes, as she rushed to her hugging her tightly mumbling incoherent words, trying to soothe her and crying all at once. “Sher, I’m so sorry…God, this isn’t true, please say it isn’t true…”

Gwen’s words made Sheridan’s eyes tear as well, and she hugged her best friend. The emotions Sheridan had kept bottled inside her for months were finally rushing back into her heart and into her mind - pain, fear, relief and even love. “I can’t…it’s true.”

The other woman pulled away, sniffling. “How long? How long have you known?”

“It’s been a year, Gwen,” Sheridan answered, wiping the tears away. Gwen gaped at her and she nodded, slowly. “When I was diagnosed, it was too late. They started me on chemotherapy and said that I didn’t have too long. They’re surprised that I lasted as long as I have.”

Gwen closed her eyes. “How long…do you have?”

“I’ve stopped the chemo, Gwen.”

Her eyes shot open. “What? Why in the world would you stop the treatment?”

“Because it’s just treatment,” Sheridan answered, her voice tinged with bitterness. “It’s not a cure, Gwen. I’m never going to recover from this – there’s not getting through this. I realized that all I am doing is postponing the inevitable. I’m dying, Gwen - ”

Gwen held up her hand to stop her. “Don’t…don’t say it.”

“I just want to spend the rest of my days in peace,” Sheridan explained slowly as both women looked at each other sadly. Sheridan reached for her best friend’s hand and clasped it tightly. “I’ve accepted this, Gwen. I’ve spent a year living in denial and then coming to terms with my situation.”

Gwen flung her arms around her again, letting silent tears fall down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Sheridan. I don’t want you to die. I don’t want to let you go.”

Sheridan tightened her embrace. “I know. But you have to, Gwen.”

They stood there, two lifelong friends, hugging and crying. Sheridan knew that it was futile to wish and to hope that somehow she would get through this and she wouldn’t have to say goodbye to the people she cared about. She was dying and she had come to terms with it, but knowing that Gwen knew – that Gwen was going to miss her made the prospect of leaving a lot harder. Over Gwen’s shoulder she suddenly caught sight of her brother, standing at the doorway, looking uncomfortable about interrupting the two friends.

Julian cleared his throat, as Gwen pulled away and whirled to face him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear Gwen knock. You two have things to talk about, so I will leave.”

“Please don’t - ” Gwen started but he held up a hand to silence her.

“No matter, Gwendolyn,” he soothed and smiled at her. “I have something to take care of, anyway.” Sheridan walked him to the door and he smiled at her, kissing her lightly on the cheek. “I’ll see you soon. Don’t tire yourself, dear.”

“I won’t,” Sheridan smiled at her brother and closed the door behind him. When she turned to Gwen, she raised an eyebrow. “Julian knows. He and Ivy were there when I found out. We’ve been trying to burn the bridges between us. Better late than never, right?”

Gwen nodded slowly. “You’ve always wanted your family to care, Sheridan. I am just sorry it’s taking your…it’s taking this for them to realize what a truly spectacular person you are.”

“Well, it’s only Julian,” Sheridan said, regret filling her voice again. “Father knows but hasn’t called me since he found out. I bet he can’t wait to get rid of the weak link of the Crane dynasty.”

“His loss,” Gwen said curling up her lip in disgust. “The man is a monster and I did not come here to talk about him. So Julian and Ivy are the only ones who know?”

“Ethan knows,” Sheridan said quietly.

Gwen nodded and then after a moment cleared her throat. “And Luis?”

Sheridan’s head jerked up and their eyes locked. “No, he doesn’t know.”

The two sat down on the couch. “Are you planning on telling him?”

“I have tried to rehearse a thousand different scenarios in my mind on how I am going to tell him. I’m not even sure if I want to tell him.”

“He deserves to know,” Gwen said with an urgency that startled her.

Sheridan frowned, expecting Gwen to be the last person who would dictate who should be made privy to that information. “I don’t see why. Yes, we were involved but we aren’t anymore. We barely even talk or see each other. He’s probably seeing someone else, by now.”

Gwen mumbled something but Sheridan couldn’t make it out. “Sher, you were more than just involved with Luis. He was – he is the only man you have ever loved. Don’t you think that you’d want him to be there…to spend your final days with?”

“I don’t need Luis to be by m side just because I am dying, Gwen,” Sheridan stated, her famous stubborn streak shining through. “Luis and I were not meant to be and yes, I loved him. But maybe it’s better he doesn’t know. Maybe it’s better if he find out after I am gone. I don’t want him here out of some obligation.”

“I think you’re wrong,” Gwen said, her voice surprisingly sad. “I think that if he knew, he’d want to be with you to tell you that he still loves you. So the two of you can be together, can have what you both want.”

Sheridan couldn’t let Gwen’s words steer her course because they came from her mouth and not his. Gwen didn’t know Luis and she didn’t know what had transpired between them. “Luis is not what I want. Not anymore, Gwen.” His heart probably belongs to someone else now, she added as an after thought.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Luis strolled into his house, smiling at his mother who looked up, surprised to see him. He kissed her on the cheek and then gave her a hug. “Mijo, you seem awfully happy.”

“I am.” Luis returned with a grin as he opened the fridge and pulled out a can of soda. “I just did something I should have done a long time ago. It made me fell good about myself. “I just needed a push in the right direction. Needed someone to make me open my eyes and take a good, long look at myself and what I have become.”

“And who is this wonderful person?” Pilar was beaming, her son’s happiness rubbing off on her instantly.

“A very special person.”

“A woman?” a masculine voice came from behind them. Mother and son turned around to see Martin standing at the doorway, with a grin. “Because women are very capable of accomplishing such a task, lad.”

“If it’s an accomplishment,” Luis stated as Martin took a seat at the table. “Then she should be given an award.”

“Ah, so this person is a female,” Pilar answered her eyes twinkling. “Anyone we know?”

Luis’ smile vanished for a second and was replaced with a less enthusiastic one. He looked at her, his eyes serious. “You know her, Mama. I’m just not ready to introduce her to you, yet.”

“We’re not very patient people, lad.”

“I know, Papa,” he stated with a sigh. “Just trust me on this.”

Pilar kissed his forehead. “We won’t push. Life changing decisions are not simple, as we all know. No need to rush into things without thinking them through as thoroughly as possible.”

“Well,” Luis started, his grin re-emerging. “There is one thing that I have thought over quite thoroughly and have come to an answer. And I am glad that both of you are here because I want to run it by you.”

“Should I be sitting down?” Pilar asked with a laugh.

“If you want,” Luis shrugged and then took a breath. “I’m moving out.”

Martin furrowed his brow. “Of the house?”

“Yes, Papa.”

Pilar let out a dramatic sigh and then placed a hand on her son’s shoulder. “If you think that you need to move out because there is no space or that now that your father is back and you have this insane idea that we need…”

Luis cut off his mother with a whoop of laughter. “Mama, I am not moving out because of you or Papa. I’m moving out because of me. I realized a few things about myself this morning and last night and as much as I love this family, I need to do this for myself. Papa’s back, Antonio has moved out, Miguel is getting married soon so he’ll be moving out and Theresa is long gone. I don’t want to be the only one who can’t seem to get out of here, you know? I feel like I haven’t lived my life exactly the way I wanted to.”

Martin’s eyes turned apologetic. “Luis, if this is about your dreams of becoming a lawyer - ”

“Papa, this is no one fault,” Luis stated firmly. “I just feel like I am ready for a change. It’s a decision I made when I realized a truth about myself.”

After a moment, Pilar reach over and squeezed his shoulder. “I understand, mijo. Whatever you do, you know I support you one hundred percent.”

“The same goes for me,” Martin answered. Luis gave his parents a hug and then headed out of the door, saying he had a phone call to make. Martin stopped him at the door. “This special lady, she must be something.”

Luis grinned. “That she is, Papa.”