More Than That - Chapter 21: Better This Way (Gwen/Luis)
by Jamie Witter
 
 

Chapter 21: Better This Way

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time.
-- Michelle Branch “Goodbye To You”

Gwen looked around her apartment in stunned disbelief and heart-wrenching pain. She didn’t know how many times she could find out something fatal about Sheridan and be expected to bear the burden of the pain that came a long with it. When Sheridan had been in on the FBI set-up and her murder was staged, Gwen had felt a wave of relief washing over her the day she saw Sheridan alive again. But this time she won’t be coming back from the dead, Gwen reminded herself painfully. Sheridan’s own words rang in her head. “There’s no getting through this, Gwen.”

Trying to hold back tears, Gwen was about to turn her heel and walk into her room, when strong arms wrapped around her and without thinking, she leaned into the comfort and support the body behind her offered. She sighed; almost forgetting about everything as soft lips kissed the juncture of her neck and shoulder. “Hey beautiful,” Luis murmured against her skin, sending shivers racing up and down her spine.

The sound of his voice brought her out of her state of carelessness and sensuality and she turned out of his embrace, trying to break free but instead, he crushed her to him and before she could stop it, his lips were moving over hers in a hungry, almost desperate kiss. Helpless she returned the kiss, forcing all her hurt and anxiousness into it; kissing him with longing and regret and a passion she didn’t know existed inside her. When he finally dragged his mouth away from hers and settled on kissing her jaw, she gasped out, “Luis…”

“Glad to know you missed me as much as I missed you today,” he answered huskily and then finally moved away, although his arms were still around her waist. His admission made Gwen’s eyes widen and she tried her hardest to push back tears. When had she become so weepy, anyway? Luis noticed her expression and drew his brows together. “What? You seem surprised.”

“I’m just a little overwhelmed,” Gwen answered with a small laugh. “I had a long day and you took my breath away with that kiss.”

“That was the point,” Luis stated with a grin. “I hope you’re not too overwhelmed though, we have a long night ahead of us.” Gwen, taking it as a sexual implication, opened her mouth to protest when Luis added, “We’re going out with Hank and Beth.”

“On a date?” Gwen asked nonplussed. When he nodded slowly, she felt her resolve to keep Luis at bay for a night start to weaken. He wanted to take her out on a date – to something that normal couples did. It was a step to something more. She felt her heart fill with an overwhelming emotion she didn’t dare name and at the same time, she felt unbearably guilty.

“Yeah,” he said running his hands up and down her arms. “I was in the mood to celebrate and Hank told me about this new joint he wants to check out and invited us along. It’s on the outskirts of town so we don’t have to worry about bumping into someone we know.”

“Right,” Gwen said pulling out of his arms as his words brought her back to reality. Her relationship with Luis was purely physical and neither of them wanted to risk the news about their non-relationship being leaked to anyone who might get hurt. Anyone meaning Sheridan, her conscience reminded her. And he doesn’t even know the truth, yet.

Luis looked confused. “We don’t have to go.”

“No it’s just -”

He cut her off with a grin. “We could stay in. Just as long as I can touch you.”

Although his remark carried a lot of innuendo, she saw the tenderness and sincerity in his eyes. He was showing her affection – the kind of affection that a boyfriend showed a girlfriend. Oh what are you in high school, Gwen? Stop reading into these things! Luis will always love Sheridan. And she wants him there by her deathbed, even though she thinks she doesn’t. But the smile on his face won the battle her heart and mind were playing and she broke out into a wide grin. “Well, I promise to stay in touching distance. I’m in the mood to go out, anyway.”

He laughed and bent down to kiss her again, softly and urgently. When he started to pull away, she whimpered in protest and crushed her lips to his again. He laughed and she took the opportunity to slip her tongue into his mouth. His laughter turned into a low groan and he crushed her closer to him, his hands tracing lazy circles on her back as she explored his mouth. Finally she broke the kiss and he rested his head on hers. “Are you sure you want to go out? I don’t think I can let go of you, now.”

She giggled breathlessly. “Are we meeting Beth and Hank there?”

“Yes,” he answered. Their lips brushed against each other’s again. “You should get dressed.” Her tongue traced his lips. “I should change out of my uniform.” He caught her lower lip between his teeth. “We’ll be late.” His tongue sought entrance into her mouth again and she obliged. “Beth gets cranky if we make her wait.”

Gwen burst into laughter and that somehow dispelled the moment. He grinned at her and let her out of his embrace. She ignored his gaze and retreated into her room, laughter still bubbling in her chest. Once she was inside the bathroom, she closed the door behind her and leaned back for support. She started to giggle mindlessly and brought her hand to her mouth. Suddenly her giggles turned into a sob and she desperately tried to push back her tears. You knew it was not going to last forever, her conscience soothed. Once he finds out – no, as soon as he finds out about Sheridan’s condition he’s going to go back to her.

She tried to ignore the lump in her throat and the heaviness in her heart. Her affair with Luis was coming to an end – it was only a matter of time. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and took in a deep breath. “Go out with him tonight. Pretend that everything is okay. This might be the last night you spend with him.” Somehow, she had to make tonight as special as possible.

And then tomorrow, she would send him back into Sheridan’s arms. It was better that way.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

“This is great,” Hank stated to Luis as he bounced his knee to the song that filled the confines of the small club. “I knew this place was great.”

“Okay Hank,” Beth answered with a sarcastic smile from across the table. “You’re the best. You rule all and I am but you’re willing servant.”

Gwen and Luis burst out laughing as Hank pecked Beth on the cheek. “That’s all I ask, baby.”

“How’d you find out about this place?” Gwen asked as she took a sip of her strawberry daiquiri. “It’s really hard to find a good club in Harmony and there’s only so much of Jazz one can take.”

“True,” Luis conceded. “Actually, I think Hank and I drove by here before but I guess we never realized how close it was. Harmony does get awfully redundant at times.”

“Wow,” Beth said raising her eyebrow in disbelief. “Luis, I never expected to hear something like that from you. Isn’t Harmony the best place in the world according to you?”

“Tease me all you want, Wallace,” Luis snapped playfully and then turned to Gwen to explain. “But I have never said Harmony doesn’t get boring. It’s where I want to have a family and raise my children. That’s all.”

Gwen nodded slowly but didn’t meet his gaze. A silence fell over the group and they listened to the band doing a cover of some sappy love song. Beth leaned forward and kissed Hank lightly. And then she looked over at Gwen, who was watching the band with a feigned interest. Beth was beginning to wonder what was going on between her and Luis. Hank had told her that Luis had sworn it was a purely physical relationship and that he was sure it would end before they both knew it.

As Beth was contemplating, Hank cleared his throat. “Hey, I’m going to go get another drink. Do you ladies want anything?”

“I’m good,” Gwen answered.

“A light beer please,” Beth told her fiancée and then watched as Luis and Hank left to get refreshments. She turned to Gwen, who smiled slightly. “So, I am beginning to think you’re uncomfortable here.”

“What ever gave you that impression?”

“Because, you’re awfully quiet,” Beth replied smoothly. “And you keep looking at Luis as if he’s going to disappear any minute. And the minute he looks at you, you turn away. It may be none of my business, but is something wrong?”

“No,” Gwen answered and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I just had a long day.”

Beth nodded and then sighed. “I don’t think I’ve seen Luis this relaxed – well since a long time. You’re good for him.”

The other woman’s eyes widened but then she just smiled knowingly at Beth. “We both know that there’s nothing going on between Luis and me – nothing more than sex, that is.”

“And you want it to be more?” Beth asked, before Gwen could continue.

“It doesn’t matter. It would never work out. We both know whom his heart belongs to,” Gwen took a sip of her drink. “Besides, I’m not even sure what I want. I never have been good with matters of the heart.”

“No one is,” Beth replied wisely. “Luis came over this morning and we talked about our break up. Something that happened so long ago. After thirteen years, he finally had the courage or the heart or whatever to tell me what he was feeling back then. Then he told me about what you said to him.”

“He did?”

“Somehow, you managed to crack a hole in the wall around Luis’ heart,” Beth answered with a smile. “And I’ve never seen him smile so much in a long time. Honestly, if you’re not good for him, then I don’t know who is.”

Gwen smiled ruefully. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter. Things are different now.”