More Than That - Chapter 40: What You Fear (Gwen/Luis)
by Jamie Witter
 

Chapter 40: What You Fear

It's a healthy thing to regard what you fear.
-- April Morning

Theresa stepped out behind Gwen as they exited Sheridan’s cottage. Luis and Ethan were loading some boxes her brother’s police cruiser and she decided to take this instance as an opportunity to warn Gwen to stay away from her family. “Gwen?”

The other woman turned around warily. “Yeah?”

“Inside you didn’t want to get into anything and I get that,” she started slowly. “But there is something that I think I need to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“Stay away from my family. That means Ethan and Luis,” she stated forcefully, hoping to get her point across. “They don’t need you to ruin their lives.”

Gwen nodded, pursing her lips and Theresa could tell she was trying to take the high road and not raise her voice. “And tell me Theresa, do they need you to run their lives?”

She gritted her teeth. “I’m not running their lives. I love them and I will not let you hurt them.”

“What makes you think I will?” Gwen crossed her arms over her chest.

“Because that’s all you ever do,” she replied angrily. “Everything you touch turns to dust and you know it. That’s why you left…and that’s why you should stay away.”

“You have no right to talk to me like that. If I need to remind you, you also knew about Ethan’s paternity. You scanned it into the computer. You wanted to use it to hurt him. I used it to hurt you…and we were both wrong,” Gwen told her fiercely. “Don’t pretend you’re better than me.”

Fed up, Theresa pushed past her. Gwen wasn’t going to turn the conversation around and make it about her own mistakes. She had worked passed those issues with Ethan and Theresa wasn’t going to have his past love bring her marriage come crashing down. “Just stay away. I won’t let you get the upper hand.”

“What are you so afraid of, Theresa?” she asked, stopping her. “That I’ll steal Ethan from you again? That he’ll realize that maybe picking you instead of me was the biggest mistake of his life? Or are you just that self-absorbed that you think that my life revolves around competing with you?”

I’m afraid that I might not enough for him now; the truth rang in her head. And yes, what if you do take him away from him. Her marriage was swinging precariously on the edge of happiness and trouble for quite some time now. Ethan was getting distant, they were constantly fighting – he kept saying it was pregnancy hormones but she knew that somewhere deep down inside, it was so much more. But she wasn’t going to admit that to Gwen. She wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of knowing that they were having problems. “That’s not what I said.”

“But that’s what you implied. That’s what you think. For you information, I have no romantic interest in Ethan. I love him, yes. I always will and maybe you don’t understand it…maybe our history is incomprehensible to you but Ethan and me – we’ll always be a part of each other’s lives. You may not like it but it’s true,” she ranted, her eyes cold and her voice thinly veiling barely controlled anger.

“Then what do you want? Do you want Luis?” Theresa spat.

Gwen’s expression changed and she looked away quickly. “That’s none of your business either.”

Theresa ran her tongue over her upper teeth. “Do you seriously think that the two of you have a future? He may have slept with you, Gwen – even though I don’t know why, but he’ll never be yours. We both know how much he meant to Sheridan and vice-versa. All you’ll ever be is second best.”

Before Gwen could retort or even give her some indication of what she was up to, Ethan and Luis approached them. Her husband smiled softly at Gwen and Theresa felt something clutch her heart. “Everything packed up. Can I give you a ride?”

The auburn-haired woman smiled and shook her head. “No, it’s okay. You take care of your wife.”

Now Gwen was being nice to her in front of him. Ethan would never believe that she’d said such hurtful things about their marriage to her. “Ready to go, Resa?”

Theresa stood on her tiptoes and kissed her brother’s cheeks. “You take, you hear? I’ll call you soon. Maybe we can go out for lunch or something.”

Luis pushed a strand of hair away from her face and smiled. “I’d love that.”

Giving Gwen a pointed look over her shoulder, Theresa followed her husband to their car. Please don’t let her pull Luis in. He can’t handle another heartbreak.

Ethan slipped into the car and looked at her, looking weary. Their semi-fight the night before lingered over their mood the whole day and she was beginning to think that again somehow, they’d manage to go at it again tonight.

And please don’t let me lose him.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

“She has a point.”

“I can’t believe you’re actually listening to her!”

“But, it’s true. I’ll always be second best.”

“You are insane.”

“No, I think this is first time I’m seeing this situation clearly,” Gwen replied calmly as she stared at her friend across her desk, tow days later. “What am I thinking? Luis and me? That’s insane.”

Jade closed her eyes, took in a deep breath and then leaned over the desk before opening them again. “You’re coming to that conclusion based on something that Theresa told you. Theresa, as in woman whole betrayed you and stole the man you loved from right under your nose. Theresa, as in manipulative little bitch who thinks the world revolves around her! What the hell is wrong with you?”

Gwen remained unperturbed. “I know she has her faults. But on very rare an occasion, Theresa tends to speak the truth. And she made some good points. He’ll never love me like he loved Sheridan. I can’t expect him to. He has made no indication of wanting me back - except for physically. I need more than that, Jade. It won’t work unless he loves me like I do him. And we both know that’s out of the question.”

“Why? Why is it out of the question?” Jade asked exasperated.

“Do you know how volatile we are together?” she asked, crossing her leg over the other and leaning back on her chair. “At least with Sheridan, Pilar adored her. Theresa adored her. Sheridan was an angel - she was perfect. I could never compete with that. I tried once, it wasn’t pretty.”

“That is such bullsh*t and you know it,” Jade retorted. “Sheridan was anything but perfect. Yes she was loved. We all loved her. It was kinda hard not to, but you’re just as great as she is…was.”

“Yeah well, I’m sure Luis and the Lopez Fitzgeralds don’t think that,” Gwen scoffed.

“Listen, I get it. Okay? I get that you want to be accepted by them but don’t think of yourself as anything less because they don’t like you,” her friend lectured. “You’re not who you are today because you cared what people thought. That’s one of the most wonderful things about you.”

Gwen smiled gratefully. “Thank you, Jade. You always know how to make me feel better.”

“It’s a talent.”

“But don’t you…I mean with Antonio, don’t you ever think that there will never be anymore?”

“I know there won’t be,” she replied with a firm nod of her head. “We’re just sex.”

Gwen made a face. “Wow, it feels like I am hearing myself speak.”

“Very funny,” Jade said calmly. “Listen you may have fallen for your Lopez Fitzgerald but all I feel for Antonio is lust. I mean have you seen him? And it’s been so long…”

Gwen held up her hands. “Okay, too much info. I’m sure it’s great.”

Jade bit her bottom lip and smirked wickedly. “You don’t know half of it.”

“Okay, so it’s just sex. But imagine you were in my shoes for a second - not with Luis, but you fell for Antonio,” Gwen hypothesized. “Would you be able to tell him that if you knew that he didn’t want anything more?”

“No,” she conceded. “I wouldn’t. But you don’t know that, Gwen! You don’t know if Luis doesn’t want anything more.”

“I know that we were supposed to be about sex and it turned into something more for me but not for him. I know that Sheridan was the love of his life,” she listed with a small, sad smile.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you,” Jade reached over and put a hand over Gwen’s. “At the funeral, when the two of you were standing beside Sheridan’s grave he was holding onto your waist possessively and putting your pain above his – when he wiped away your tears.”

Lost in that memory, Gwen looked away. “Yeah but…”

“Talk to him, sweetie. That’s all you can do right now to maybe lessen the pain.”

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

“Is this how you want to live your life, Luis?” Antonio asked as he shook his brother who was buried under covers and pillows on his bed, lying flat on his stomach. “It’s noon. God, you’re like a college student who just got out of his parents’ home and finally got drunk on alcohol that he purchased illegally.”

“Leave me alone!” Luis mumbled from beneath a pillow.

“No.”

“Why not?” he groaned.

“Because you’re thirty years old and you have to go to work.”

“I’m sick,” Luis answered. “I have a massive headache and I’m going to hurl any minute now. I can’t work.”

“Well I have a cure for all of that waiting in the kitchen. Get your ass out of bed and pull yourself together!”

“F*ck you.”

“Watch your mouth. I’m still older than you,” Antonio reprimanded. “Stop acting like a wimp.”

That had Luis peeking out from under the pillow. “What?”

“You heard me. You’re being a wimp. Hiding behind alcohol and sleep to avoid your problems. Now, I thought you were smarter than that, little bro.” He sat down at the edge of the bed and patted Luis on the arm. “I know you miss her, buddy. We all do. But this is not the answer.”

Luis moaned as he turned around in bed and squinted under the sunlight. “Yeah but it sure as hell beats going to work.”

Antonio grinned. “Oh yeah. But you won’t have a job if you keep this up.”

Living by himself now, not responsible for his family’s everyday problems anymore, Luis chose to drink rather than bury himself in his work like he had when his father and brother disappeared. Deep down he knew it wouldn’t work and overindulgence didn’t solve anything.

But it was a great way to escape the pain, even for a little while.

“Yeah, I know.”

Antonio sighed and it looked like he was struggling to say something. “You need to talk to Gwen, too.”

Luis rubbed his eyes. “I really don’t think so.”

“You’re avoiding it. I know you are. I’d be too if I were you. But you have to tell her how you feel,” his brother advised.

“I don’t know how I feel!” Luis retorted. “And it doesn’t matter. I told you in the beginning that it wasn’t like that with us. C’mon you’re with Jade for purely physical reasons, right? Why can’t my past relationship with Gwen be chalked up into that neat little label as well?”

“Because it makes it easier?”

“Yes…no,” Luis shook his head. “Because it’s the truth.”

“I know how it is, okay? You loved Sheridan and you lost her…your track record with women isn’t the greatest…I get that. But you just can’t avoid your feelings forever. If you talk to Gwen, you’ll know if she wants more too…if you don’t you’ll go through life wondering ‘what if’? Do you want that?”

“I won’t wonder that,” he said shooting off the bed and the clutching his head in pain. “I won’t wonder because I know. There is no future for me and Gwen.”

Luis went into the bathroom but not before hearing Antonio murmur, “You have to face you feelings one day. As scary as they are to you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

Just as a visual, Nicole Kidman is who I picture as Jade. Also, if you want you may pciture Chris Douglass as Antonio but when I started this, I pictured Antonio Sabato Jr. so I am sticking with him.