More Than That - Chapter 41: Slip Away (Gwen/Luis)
 by Jamie Witter

Chapter 41: Slip Away
 
 

And I want to get free, talk to me
I can feel you falling.
And I wanted to be all you need
Somehow here is gone.
-- Goo Goo Dolls

His hands felt numb as he stared at the envelope in front of him. He didn’t know how to open it – what to expect. How would he deal with the contents? How would he deal with the voice of the past whispering in his mind, reminding him that once she was with him and now she was too far away to hear?

How would he be able to accept the fact that Sheridan Crane was dead?

Ethan had come by to drop off the envelope he had found on Sheridan’s nightstand, when he went to close up her cottage. It was cream-colored and addressed to him in her elegant script.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table glad that he had his own apartment now – as to avoid any interruptions from his family. Steeling himself, he slid his finger under the flap, broke the sticker that sealed it and pulled out a sheet of scented paper. Smiling a little at her attention to detail and the female fragrance that wafted through the air, he opened the letter and prepared to read her final words to him.

Dearest Luis,

They say that hindsight is 20/20. I never understood what it meant until I found out that I had leukemia. I wonder why they never said anything about foresight. It’s pretty much the same thing. If we all had it, I guess we wouldn’t be so messed up.

Death gives you foresight, is what I say.

That’s why I wrote you this letter. I figured that I might not have the time to say goodbye to you in person. We’ve always been victims of bad timing, haven’t we?

But that’s okay. I have come to terms with our relationship, what you mean to me and what part you play in my life. A part of you, I will always carry with me and now, that’s enough to make me happy.

These letters will go out to everyone I know I won’t be able to say a final farewell to.

You’re probably thinking that I’m insane or morbid to be writing a letter to someone that they’re supposed to read after I’m gone. Truth is, I’m neither. I’m just lucky that I have someone to write to, someone to talk to (even if it is a one-sided conversation, but hey, when haven’t we had one of those before?).

Luis closed his eyes and chuckled slightly at her humor, hoping to keep his tears at bay.

What I want to say to you is quite simple: I’m going to miss you. And you’ll be the one person I am going to worry about constantly.

You’re asking yourself why, aren’t you?

Because it’s about time someone worried about you for a change.

I know you, Luis. And you think that you don’t need anyone but yourself to be happy. And while self-efficiency is an admirable quality – you don’t have to be so strong all the time.

Strong doesn’t mean being invulnerable. It means knowing when to depend on somebody, when to need someone…that’s something I was never good at. Wisdom is the greatest gift I can leave you and wisdom comes from experience as well as intellect. Unfortunately, I was never the wise one but I did learn a few things: loving someone, having someone to be there for you always – romantically, practically, emotionally in every way possible is a feeling that surpasses all.

As a wise man once said, “Love isn’t about fairytales and perfect endings but about two people who can spend the rest of their lives together and know that above everything else, they can make it work no matter what comes in their way”.

He laughed erratically, amazed that she had remembered the words from his speech at the wedding – and written them back to him.

I’m blessed to have had that, for some time, in you. As trite as it sounds, you made my life complete and for that I will always love you, like I promised.

“I loved you too, Sheridan.” He closed his eyes and drew in a shaky breath before opening them and continuing the letter.

But I won’t be here. You’ll need love.

And Gwen loves you. You love her. Do not let that go. Do not let the pain or the fear keep you apart from someone you were so obviously meant to be with.

He read that line over and over again, wondering if it were true. If Gwen herself had told Sheridan that she felt that way. His fingers started to shake slightly and he swallowed hard, past a lump in his throat – suddenly struck by the situation. Struck by the tiny well of hope that started to spring in his heart.

My only wish for you is that you realize that you love her. That you marry her and the two of you spend your lives together, overcoming obstacles and relishing in the joys that life has to offer.

And I hope throughout it all, you remember me and smile knowing that I loved you well enough to wish you all the happiness in the world.

Goodbye Luis.

Always and forever,
Sheridan

He closed his eyes again, this time a tear streaked down his cheek before he could hold it back. He had mourned her, he still missed her and a part of him accepted that she as gone. A part of him had already moved on.

But there was still a large part of him aching, afraid…wanting to hide. And he wasn’t sure if the feeling came from Sheridan’s loss. He was beginning to suspect that part of him feared something…someone completely different.

“God, I’m a coward,” he muttered to himself as he folded Sheridan’s letter and placed it back into the envelope. He wasn’t this weak, this scared. But he had so much to lose if he…No, he thought swearing savagely. I won’t make a complete fool out of myself. “I can’t take this right now.”

Like a prayer being answered, the doorbell rang and he quickly pocketed the letter, thanking God for the distraction. He opened the door and took a step back in surprise hen he saw his guest. The man smiled. “Hello Luis.”

“Agent Freeman,” he said gesturing the FBI agent to come inside. “Please come in.”

Once he was inside, Hal turned to Luis and extended his hand. “It’s good to see you again, Luis. I heard about Sheridan a few days ago and thought it best to come here to offer my condolences.”

“You came all the way from Washington?”

“Well actually, I’m in Harmony on business as well. By here I meant your home. Miss Crane was a wonderful person and I am very sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” he returned politely. “Please sit down. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Not yet,” he returned evenly and sprawled on the couch. “I have something I need to discuss with you. Police matters.”

Intrigued, Luis sat down on his armchair, opposite to Hal and cocked an eyebrow. “The Feds here in Harmony. Sound serious.”

“It is,” he answered, his tone confirming the fact. “We have reason to believe a new narcotics ring has been set-up here. A few loose ties from the drug cartel run by Roger.”

“Son of a bitch,” Luis swore.

“Exactly.” Hal twisted his lips wryly. “I’ve been ordered to enlist your help.”

After given a few vague details and left with many unanswered questions, Luis leaned back and let out a breath. “Sam knows and is okay with this?”

“One hundred percent.”

“I’m in.”

“We’ll need to go to Washington for briefing and basic training,” Hal informed him, clasping his hands together and looking at Luis expectantly. “It will take you away from Harmony for a week or two. We’ll also be leaving as soon as you’re packed.”

He nodded and glanced at the phone. “I need to make a call.”

Quickly he dialed a number and got the machine. “You’ve reached Gwen Hotchkiss. You know the drill.”

He sighed, pain ripping through him at the mere sound of her voice. Without leaving a message, he hung up. Maybe it was a sign. He’d call her, if he could gather up the courage again, when he got back from Washington.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

She hesitated as she stared at the door of Luis’ home. It had been weeks since she’d last seen him, at Sheridan’s cottage and it had taken her that long to will up the courage to talk to him. What she was going to say to him, she wasn’t sure but at least this way she could return some of his stuff that he had left at her place back. She hoped foolishly that she wouldn’t have to give it back.

“Come on, it’s easy. Just ring the doorbell and ask to speak with him,’ she chided as she walked up the cobblestone path. “Don’t go inside.”

She pressed the small button firmly and smoothed her hair as she waited for the door to open, when it finally did, she froze as she saw Pilar. “Gwen.”

Fumbling, she managed a small smile. “Pilar. Sorry to bother you.”

The other woman gestured evasively. “Please. Come in.”

Trapped, Gwen nodded and followed her inside. Feeling guilty, fearful and embarrassed all at once, she wrung her hands and waited for the older woman to turn. Then she changed her mind and decided to speak. “Is Luis home?”

“My son isn’t here,” she replied evenly as she turned and gestured again for Gwen to take a seat.

“No, it’s okay. I don’t want to waste your time,” she replied hastily and then thrust the plastic bag containing Luis’ belongings in his mother’ face. “This stuff belongs to him. Could you please see that he gets it?”

Pilar took the bag but kept her eyes on Gwen, studying her with intensity that made her squirm. However, before she could say anything the kitchen door swung open and Martin walked in. “I didn’t know we had company. I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced, lass. I’m Martin.”

Gwen smiled, genuine, warmed by his friendly greeting. She extended her hand and clasped his. “It’s very nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Most of it is untrue,” he replied with a wink and a hearty chuckle. “Won’t you sit?”

She shook her head, glancing at Pilar’s expressionless face. “I just came to return something. I should be going.”

“But you wanted something else, did you not?” the other woman finally spoke up.

Gwen pursed her lips. “I wanted to talk to Luis. But that’s okay. I will call him.”

“My son doesn’t live here anymore,” Pilar informed her, sitting down on the couch. Gwen’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “You are the reason for that.”

“Excuse me?”

“Pilar…” Martin warned and sat down beside his wife.

“It’s okay,” she replied softly and then looked up, slightly apologetic. “I did not mean to sound so harsh. What I meant is that he moved to an apartment, right in his brother’s building and that you showed him that he could do that.”

“I only gave him advice,” Gwen replied with a nervous smile. “I never actually told him to move out. I didn’t know my opinion carried so much…” She trailed off when the implications of her sentence set in. “Is Luis at his apartment?”

Martin shook his head regretfully. “He’s out of town.”

“Oh,” she stated, taken aback. He wasn’t in Harmony. What was she supposed to do now? “Well then I guess I will be going.”

Luis’ parents walked her to the door and she left, thoughts confused. Before she could process anything, her cell phone rang and she plucked it out of her purse.

“Gwendolyn.”

Her father’s grave tone startled her. “Daddy, what’s wrong?”

“We have a crisis,” he answered grimly. “At the company. With me being sick and you being away from New York, our stocks are down, the company is in upheaval and that bastard, Gonzales on the board is undermining my position and yours.”

“How did this happen?” she asked frantically.

“Apparently, we haven’t been paying too much attention to our company. Gonzales is hinting at takeover.”

“He’s bluffing,” she scoffed.

“Still, I think we need to get to New York. I know you’re still hurting over Sheridan and having some personal problems but this is - ”

“Daddy,” she replied sternly. She was angry with herself suddenly for pining after a man when something as important as business, her work was suffering. Luis hadn’t even given a second thought to hightail out of town - he hadn’t even thought about what was left unresolved between them. His actions showed that he didn’t even care. Her mind was made up in an instant. “I’m going to New York tomorrow. There’s nothing left in Harmony for me, anymore.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I would just like to state for the record that my idea of Sher writing a letter to Luis that he read after she was dead, was an original idea that I had. I wrote this before Luis read Sher's letter on Passions (for those of you who still watch). So I didn't copy him, he copied me. :)